Delusions Of Sanity

Early morning cussing...

2006-10-26T07:44:00.000+09:30

... Don't you just hate it when you wake up in the middle of the night with a horrible cramp in your leg? Two A.M. is just too cruel to find yourself jumping around the bedroom, clutching your calf in agony and cussing in a voice far too loud for that time of the night. I can't be sure, but I think I spied sailors running down the street, clutching their ears and looking shocked.

What can I say, I have a foul mouth when I'm in pain.

**********

I wish I could give you all a fascinating update about all the interesting things I've been doing lately, but it just isn't on the cards. My life has been depressingly boring. I get up, I go to work, I come home. That's about it. Oh well, I guess we can't all live the wild lifestyle. Some of us have to be the boring ones.

I did go to a play on Friday night though. I'd seen this particular play before, directed by the same guy who directed it last time, so I was expecting an enjoyable time. And I did enjoy it ... but lets just say it was an object lesson in why a director should NEVER cast himself as the lead. EVER!!! ESPECIALLY WHEN THE REST OF THE CAST ARE IN THEIR EARLY TWENTIES AND YOU'RE AT LEAST FORTY FIVE AND NOT A VERY GOOD ACTOR ANYWAY!!!

And so sayeth Kelstar, theatre critic extrordinaire...

For the alliance...

2006-10-18T07:24:00.000+09:30

... I know, I know, it's been a while since I last updated. But I do have an excuse!

Okay, so it's not a very GOOD excuse, but it's my story and I'm sticking to it. I'm afraid I've been spending all my spare internetting time ... playing World of Warcraft. What can I say, I'm a marketer's dream, and World of Warcraft is EXTREMELY addictive!

Personally, I blame Doofus. Him and his free 10 day trial pass. Who knew you could become so engrossed in a computer game! But to be completely fair, it's much more than a game. I've played games before, things like Tomb Raider and the like, and they just don't have the same appeal.

I think it's because when you play a normal game, it's just that. A game. You have a goal to achieve and once you've done it then you've won. But with World Of Warcraft it's ongoing. You create a character. Grow them. Improve their skills and their protections. You take them on quests and go visit different places. I never thought I'd get excited about going to a new virtual town or shire, but I do! And it all happens in real time, which just adds to that whole reality feeling. Thus the virtual reality tag, I suppose.

But I suppose it's no excuse for not updating. After all I could do it during my lunch breaks if I really wanted to. It's just a bit unfortunate that over the past couple of weeks I've either been working through my lunches, or I've been down the back with the stitch bitches knitting my little heart out. Oh yeah, you don't want to get between a librarian and her knitting, let me tell you!

So I promise I'll be a little more dilligent in the future. At least I will after my WOW character has visited Darkshire. I've still got to get the case of moonshine to finish the "Dry Times" quest. Oh, and I have to catch all the sunfish at the lake at Redridge, not to mention catching the spiders for the Westfalls Stew ... okay, I admit it, I have a problem ... but I'm enjoying it too much to care...

First level mage seeks quest to fail at...

2006-10-03T06:55:00.000+09:30

... Well I'm not sure if my internet problems were the providers fault, the modem's fault, or the work of a gypsy curse, but when I plugged the new modem in yesterday afternoon everything was hunky and/or dory again. At least as much as it had been before. Sure the system still shut down at 8.30pm and hadn't come back when I went to bed at eleven, but at least it was there again this morning ... a definite improvement on what it was doing before.

So I'm forced to do something I'm loath to ... I'm forced to apologise to the internet provider. I'm sorry, Mr Internet Provider, it looks like it may have been the modem's fault after all. Unless the problem is that the system got repaired in between when I unplugged the old one and set up the new one. Or unless you guys got so fed up with me calling about the service dropping out that you shot a bolt of electricity down the phone line to fry my poor modem as an act of vigilante justice. If that's the case, than I withdraw my accusation withdrawl.

But once the infernal internet system from the nether reaches of a hell dimension came back online, I got to do something that I've been meaning to do for a very long time. I got to try out World of Warcraft!

I can totally see why people become so addicted to that game. Doofus and SIL helped walk me through the steps of setting up a character and then taught me how to operate it. We even got to go on a quest or two and check out the local tavern. It's very intricate, isn't it! Kind of puts "Where In The World Is Carmen Sandiago" into perspective.

I've only got a 10 day visitor pass so when that runs out I guess I'll have to decide if I want to keep playing. Of course, everyone keeps warning me that if I start playing it, it'll become an obsession because it hits everyone like that. And I need another obsession like I need a hole in the head. But we'll see. If at the end of the ten days I can't live without it, I'll have to look into signing up properly...

Rising levels of frustration...

2006-10-02T08:04:00.000+09:30

... Well, this weekend wasn't quite the chock-a-block net surfing experience I had planned. It turns out broadband internet isn't quite as straight forward as dial-up. After having several days of speedy, yet unreliable access to the internet, my system just turned up it's toes and refused to work any more on Saturday afternoon. And I'd only just discovered the joys of podcasts!

Oh sure, kids, they all tell you that broadband is the newest, fastest way to assess the net, but don't be fooled by the slick advertising and the promise of dazzling fast service. It's really just a ploy to get you to fork over sixty dollars a month for the privilage of getting to call a help desk for several hours and still having no better access at the end of the call than you had at the beginning.

I'd started with Doofus, always my first port of call when it comes to computer troubles, but there's only so much he could do from Canberra with no way of seeing what my connection was doing. So rather than monopolise all of his Saturday night, I called the helpdesk and eventually got put onto a guy who told me his name was Don, even though he sounded like he was probably in New Delhi somewhere.

Of course, Don was much better than I the guy I spoke to before him, who no matter what I said insisted that I was trying to tell him my internet cord wasn't long enough to reach the wall socket. Just how he got that from the simple statement "my service has dropped out" remains a mystery.

Not that the other people I spoke to didn't have their fair share of misunderstood comments and illogical requests. One of them actually asked me to turn the modem upside down. To turn the modem upside down! Can you believe that! I don't know what's worse, that I did it when he asked, or that for a split second it actually made complete sense to me. Oh yes, turn the modem upside down, that'll do it! Of course, I have the excuse that I'd been on the line with them for several hours at that point and I may have been a wee bit delusional.

And what do they say at the end of all the testing and the instructing and the making me jump through hoops? Hardware problem. Yep, when all else fail, blame the modem. So now I have to take the damned thing back to the shop and exchange it for another. That's going to be fun, cause electronic stores just LOVE to exchange faulty items.

Oh, I know there are worse thing in the world than a faulty internet connection, but I'm still frustrated. That alternative Amish lifestyle is looking better and better every day. Churning butter couldn't be harder than all this...

Captain Picard: The Musical...

2006-09-30T11:24:00.000+09:30

... You know, it really doesn't get much better than watching a Starship Captain singing an old fashioned Vaudeville song...

Happy Friday...

2006-09-29T22:34:00.000+09:30

... Well stick a feather in my hair and call me tickled pink if it isn't Friday! Happy Friday everyone! And aren't I glad that it's finally come. This week has been a nightmare, workwise. We're slap bang in the middle of budget forecasting season, which of course means ridiculous amounts of work for us.

And of course the past couple of days have been the worst given that all the managers woke up on the deadline day and suddenly thought "Hmm, perhaps I'd better have a look at that budget thingie", right before they realised they didn't have a clue and all booked back to back meetings with us. It always amazes me how they can do it every single year.

But I'm not going to think about any of it for the next two days. All I'm going to think about is how I've finally got a replacement for the dearly departed Neville the Computer, courtesy of Doofus, and I can now give my brand new internet access a thorough workout. And believe me, it's going to get a workout. I'll be amazed if I sleep at all this weekend.

Not that I haven't given a good go already. I've only been connected for three days and already I've used up about 800 meg of my download allowance. Thank Zeus I decided to go for the 30 gig account.

I've got to admit though, I've got one secret, dirty little desire as far as downloading things goes. I desperately want ... I can't believe I'm going to say this ... to find a copy of Young Riders. Do any of you remember that show? It was about all these wild west characters riding for the pony express and I was addicted to it back when I was in High School.

I know, extremely nerdy, but what can I say. No matter how bad it makes me look, it's still not as incriminating as my penchant for the WB Dawson's Creek spinoff, Young Americans. Now it takes a truely committed fan to admit to liking THAT show...

Marital similarities...

2006-09-26T06:44:00.000+09:30

... It's strange, isn't it, how some people end up marrying someone who looks just like them. I know, that seems to come completely out of the blue, but there is a method to my madness.

You see, most mornings I stop by a coffee shop on my way to work. Sometimes to get a toasted sandwich for breakfast, sometimes just to get a drink, and occasionally just to pay the bill for the library's catering account. And every morning when I arrive there's always this couple sitting in the corner. Every morning without fail. Her with her coffee milkshake and him with his cappuchino.

The thing that always gets me about this couple though is the similarities. They both look so much alike! Honestly, you'd swear they were brother and sister ... at least you would until they started making out.

And this is a bit of a trend I've noticed in our society. You can see it in any Sunday paper on the weddings page. The number of people marrying partners that could be related to them is astonishing! Zeus knows, even my cousin married a girl who looked so much like him I almost did a double take the first time I met her.

I wonder why that is? I mean, you'd think the whole don't-marry-your-brother-or-your-kids-will-have-two-heads taboo would stop those sort of shenanigans, but it doesn't seem to have any effect. I wonder if they even realise they're doing it!

Of course, I remember reading an article once in a magazine that said we're instinctually attracted to people who have similar features to ourselves. Something about a subconscious desire to preserve genetic integrity. Of course, they were talking about things like the ratio of eyebrows to eyelids and the width of nostrils. Not the freaky similarities you see with some of these couples.

Hmm, it's interesting, isn't it. Perhaps I should write a paper about it, do a thesis or something. Of course, I'll have to be careful with my line of questioning. Somehow, I don't think "So, were you unaware you were marrying someone who looks like you're sister, or are you just into that sort of thing?" is going to go down so well...

Enough already...

2006-09-22T11:55:00.000+09:30

... I've tried to keep quiet about it. I've tried not to speak ill of the dead. After all, with the way everyone's going on about it I'd probably be dragged out into the street and strung up as an example to the rest of society. But I can't keep silent any longer! I have something to say.

My life is in no way, shape or form affected by the death of Steve Irwin. I'm sorry if this upsets anyone, but it's just the truth, plain and simple.

Honestly, I planned on keeping my head down and my mouth shut until all the broo-ha-ha had blown over, but it doesn't seem like that's going to happen any time soon. First there was the news coverage, then the thousands of people gathering at his animal park. That was followed by his funeral and then by his memorial service. It just keeps going on and on! At this rate the first anniversary of his death will have come around before they all stop!

I know I seem cold-hearted, but lets be honest. None of us were really that impressed with him when he was alive. Okay, so maybe the Americans were, but we Aussies pretty much just tolerated him. The fact that he died really doesn't change that, and I refuse to be a hypocrite and start declaring myself "heartbroken" now he's gone. He was a twit! A harmless twit, sure, but a twit none-the-less.

I mean it was only a year or two ago that we were all screaming for his blood when he dangled that poor son of his over a croc! Lets face it, he didn't have the best track record when it came to being responsible. So the fact that he was killed by one of the wild animals he kept insisting on hugging/kissing/wrestling/fondling at every given opportunity? Not really that big a surprise. Of course I always assumed, along with most people, that it'd be a crocodile that'd take him out.

So I'm going to make a plea on behalf of all of us who really don't give a rats. Please stop with all the mourning for Steve Irwin. Sure, it's sad and I'm sorry for his family, but I think the 24/7 media coverage is really going a wee bit over the top...

Corporate wardrobe...

2006-09-21T07:22:00.000+09:30

... I got the fright of my life last night when I was driving home from the shops. I was following some station wagon along the main road, not paying any particular attention to it, when we hit a bit of a dip in the road and suddenly my headlights shone straight onto the hideous thing clinging to it just below the boot.

My first thought was that it'd backed into some poor, unsuspecting animal and now it was left stuck to the left rear light, it's face still twisted in a horrible grimace. But then I saw that it actually seemed to be reaching out, as if climbing down off the car. It looked so much like a monster, or at least like what I used to think a monster looked like when I was a kid. That's when I pretty much panicked.

Okay, so common sense should have told me it was a plastic toy put there on purpose, and a dodgy looking one at that. But it was late at night ... and it was dark ... and it all happened in a split second ... and just shut up! You weren't there!

**********

Our office is getting to the point now where we're just about ready to move into our shiny new building. Yep, the spank'n new library that's been almost three years in the making is finally done and we're excitedly preparing for our new lives as corporatey type people.

Not that we have the faintest clue how to go about being corporatey type people. You've got to understand, up until now we've always been a bit ... shall we say trailer-trash? Okay, so maybe that's a bit harsh, but we're definitely not the businesswear matching furniture corporate image types.

Now we've even got something that they're calling our "Corporate Wardrobe". Not uniforms, mind you. Apparently we're not allowed to use the "U" word. We've got to call it a corporate wardrobe. Actually, to be fair, it's rather nice. Just a plain black shirt with the red logo printed on the back to one side.

It's a bit of a relief, actually. Ever since we found out about the uniforms which aren't, I was afraid they were going to start dressing us like a bunch of credit union employees. I mean, I like blue print polyester with flame coloured scarves as much as the next person, but I don't particularly want to spend my working life in them...

Just a quick one...

2006-09-20T13:21:00.000+09:30

... I think it's a mystery that will never be solved. Why, exactly, do people just decide not to come to training courses we hold to show them how to forecast their budgets, and then think that we'll drop everything a couple of weeks later to hand hold them through it all when they realise they haven't got a frick'n clue what they're doing?

No, seriously! Does anyone know why?

**********

Have I told you guys how much love my Uni class this semester? I haven't had this much fun in ages! So far we've done practicals on classifying ceramics, glass and photographs. Last night was the photographs section and we had a ball! They broke us up into pairs and had us describe the photo and estimate a date given the evidence. Thank god they didn't make us draw it this time.

For the first one, the ceramics, we each did our own classification and it involved drawing a picture of our artefact. Lets just say I'm not going to be winning any awards for my stunning illustrations! The next week with the bottles we were in groups of six and we just got the best drawer in the lot to do the sketch. But this time we just had to describe it. Lucky too, given the amount of detail we ended up with.

It was a photo of three teenage girls, all standing around in their best winter outfits and leaning on papier mache logs set up to look like a fence. Very tacky! We ended up christening them Beryl, Myrtle and Harriet. Quite the scary bunch, I must say! But we dated it easily enough to the 1880's so that was fine.

Next week is "miscellaneous items", so that should be interesting to see what he puts in that category...

From Control Headquarters...

2006-09-18T07:08:00.000+09:30

... From Control Headquarters, otherwise known as Kelstar's parents kitchen.

Mum: Sweetheart, could you do me a favour?

Me: Sure, what?

Mum: (handing over a leaflet) This is one of the townhouses in this complex that's up for sale. Can you call up the real-estate and find out how much it's going for? They didn't put a price on the sheet.

Me: Um ... okay. But why not do it yourself?

Mum: They might recognise me!

Me: The real-estate people? But why would... Okay, whatever. So, what's the number?

Mum: Here you go, and don't forget to block our number so they can't see who's calling.

Me: No problem.

Mum: And don't use your real name.

Me: Okay.

Mum: And don't give them our number! Or your own!

Me: Alright, Mum! It's not like I haven't done this before!

Mum: (raises eyebrows)

Me: ... but this isn't about me, it's about this. Okay, it's ringing.

*Real-estate agent answers*

Me: Oh, hi, my name is Kelstar Smythe, and I was wondering about the price of the town house you've got up for sale ... yep, that's the one ... uh huh ... two ninety nine ... okay then, that's great ... my number?

Mum: (gestures wildly not to give it)

Me: ... Ah, well I'm afraid I can't give you this number ... oh, alright then ... 0414 729 337 ... yep, great ... okay then, thanks a lot.

*hangs up*

Mum: You gave them a number! I told you not to give them a number! And what number was that anyway? I don't recognise it!

Me: Mum, calm down! That was the real-estate agents number. She was giving it to me and I was repeating it.

Mum: (relaxing) Oh, thank god! When you started to reel off those numbers I wasn't sure WHAT you were doing.

Me: You know what, Mum?

Mum: What's that, sweetie.

Me: From now on, perhaps you should do your own reconnaissance work...

Kelstar's Tribute to Diet Coke...

2006-09-14T10:02:00.000+09:30

Archaeology and subversive cross-stitch...

2006-09-13T07:09:00.000+09:30

... Whew, it's been a while hasn't it! I normally don't let that much time go by between entries ... at least not since the great writers block lull of '02. But I'm back, kids! Two weeks of silence, or thereabouts, and I'm back!

What was I doing that was more important that updating this wonderful journal, you ask? Well, there's a few different things. Firstly and most importantly, I was writing my blasted essay for my Historical Archaeology class. Now don't get me wrong, I love that class. It's interesting, the lecturer is great, and the practical sections are more fun than a barrel of monkeys. But that essay just sucked like a five dollar hooker. If I never hear another thing about The Gangs of New York (the essay topic), then it'll be too soon.

I've also taken up a new hobby. Okay, no groaning! I know my hobbies tend to lean towards the outrageous, but this one ... okay, so it's a bit outrageous too. It's something called subversive cross-stitch. So far I've made this one.

Isn't it great! It's become a bit of a movement. People are cross-stitching rude expressions all over the place. I'm in the middle of doing this one at the moment.

And once it's done I'm going to do this one, just to get into the holiday spirit.

I think I'll hang them up on the sides of my bookcases. Not exactly prominent, but somewhere that they'll take people by surprise. What can I say, I'm a subversive cross-stitch convertee...

Steel grey bun comes seperately...

2006-09-01T06:23:00.000+09:30

... As most of you know, I work in a library. Not as a librarian, I work in finance, but I do have some training in that area and I have from time to time filled in for people in those sorts of positions. So I probably have a bit more of an understanding of the whole "librarian mentality" than most of the other non-librarian library employees.

Librarians are passionate. They're passionate about books, about learning, about providing services to the public, about buying good collections, about cataloguing it correctly. Completely and totally passionate. Of course, that can sometimes cause conflicts when it comes to the day-to-day running of a business (and a library is a business just like any other) and priorities have to be compromised, but I guarantee you it's not because of a lack of passion. I can understand it, because a lot of the time I agree with what they're saying.

But I've got to admit, I have no idea what to say about this.

Yep, looks like the Teenaged Mutant Ninja Turtles aren't the only ones to have action figures made of them. This is Nancy Pearl, some librarian from Seattle who had an action figure made, I'm guessing to promote librarians and libraries. Somehow, I don't think she expected the backlash it caused.

They're accusing her of setting the profession back 30 years with her boxy suit, her sensible shoes and her "shushing" finger. I suppose it's true, that's not the image most librarians would like to promote. It's been a long time since people were regularly "shushed" in a library.

But then again they might be taking it a little too seriously. We've got lots of young, modern, very cool librarians around here who work hard at their careers and are becoming the "next generation of librarianship". And a lot of them have this action figure on their desks. Not because they think that's what librarians should aspire to, but because they think it's a good reminder of what it used to be like ... oh, and because of the kitsch value. Can't ignore the kitsch value...

A very clever plan...

2006-08-31T06:29:00.000+09:30

... So it looks like they've dropped the charges against that guy they arrested in the JonBenet Ramsey case. Somehow, it really doesn't surprise me. He was practically screaming "obsessed schizophrenic".

If you ask me, the guy is seriously disconnected from reality and possibly even believes he did it. But none of his statements even came close to what really happened. Oh, there's no doubt that the bloke is a paedophile, and that he probably deserves a nice long term in a eight by ten cell, but he obviously had nothing to do with that little girl's case.

But as someone mentioned to me the other day, isn't it interesting that at the end of it all this guy is back in America in a nice comfortable American jail?

When you think about it, it's really rather clever. I wonder whether his lawyer suggested it or if he came up with it himself. He confesses to a crime he knows he didn't commit and knows the dna evidence won't be able to prove and gets himself extradited back to the US. It's got to be a preferable option to being in a Bangkok jail, not a place I'd chose to be incarcerated.

You've got to give credit where credit's due. It's a damned smart plan. Law and Order smart...

Sexist Telemarketers...

2006-08-29T19:27:00.000+09:30

... Okay, here's a hypothetical question. If a telemarketer hangs up on me because I don't have a husband, should I be insulted that he doesn't see me as a valid potential annoyee, or should I just be glad I got rid of him with so little fuss?

Alright, so it's not really that hypothetical. But I'm serious, I just got a call from a telemarketer who, in a very thick accent I might add, told me he was from some company I'd never even heard of and could he please speak to my husband about mortgages.

Now I'm a renter so I don't have a mortgage, but I didn't even get a chance to tell him that because as soon as I said "Oh, I'm single" he just thanked me for my time and hung up! Sure he was polite, but polite sexism really isn't better than any other sort.

It was as if I couldn't possible talk business because I'm a woman. Must be the ovaries, you obviously can't discuss mortgages if you've got ovaries. Stupid sexist telemarketer.

But then I started to think about it a bit more. Why on earth was I getting upset about it? I may have just discovered the quickest and easiest way to get one of those annoying people off the phone without having to tell them half a dozen times that I don't want to change long distance providers and if they don't stop hassling me I'll speak to their supervisor.

So from now I whenever a telemarketer calls, I'm just going to reply to their first question with "Sorry, I'm single" and hang up. I'll let you all know how it goes...

This is a community announcement...

2006-08-27T12:25:00.000+09:30

... Attention: If I ever lay my hands on the person who invented the underwire bra, I'm going to shove a delicate part of his anatomy (to be decided on at a later date) through a straw, just to see how he likes having said delicate part of his anatomy twisted and mangled to the point where you'd willingly go "free range" as long as you didn't have to see that torturous metal contraption again!

This message was brought to you by the incredibly uncomfortable, yet rather nice looking underwire bras I bought yesterday. Damn your eyes, deceptively good looking bras! Damn your eyes...

Words that amuse me...

2006-08-25T07:29:00.000+09:30

... Some words have gone out of fashion, disappearing like the dinosaurs as the natural evolution of our language progressed. But I've got to be honest, I miss some of them. I think their absense creates a gaping hole in our conversations that the newer alternatives just can't fill.

Therefore, I'd like to put forward for consideration the following list of words I'd like to see brought back into the mainstream of the english language.

* criminy .ie. "Crinimy, that girl's skirt is so short it could be a belt!"
* strumpet .ie. "Can you believe that strumpet? If her skirt were any shorter it'd be a belt!"
* kerfuffle .ie. "She's creating quite a kerfuffle with that belt-like skirt."
* boudoir .ie. "Couldn't she have picked another skirt when she was in her boudior?"
* flabergasted .ie. "I'm flabergasted that she managed to squeeze into that teeny little skirt."

So, my dears, you mission is to adopt these words and use them as much as you can in your day-to-day conversations. If we all work together, I believe we can bring them back into popular use.

Or at least make people look at us like we've got two heads...

The Demise of Neville...

2006-08-22T10:06:00.000+09:30

... From the computer repair shop.

Telepathic scanning...

2006-08-18T07:32:00.000+09:30

... So I took Neville the Laptop into a local computer repair place yesterday afternoon. I guess I'm still hoping that they'll be able to pull a miracle out of their rears and tell me that it's a quick fix job, only take a few minutes, I'll have it back before I even know it's missing. Do you think I might be in denial?

When I handed it over to the guy and told him what was wrong, he nodded reassuringly doing that whole "telepathic scan" thing that service people do when they can't see inside your machine and have to sense what's wrong, and muttered something about soldering this and reattaching this, but of course he'd have to wait for their "laptop guy" to check it out before telling me for sure. Now I'm no expert but even I know that when they talk about soldering and reattaching, it's usually a cheap job. No replacement parts, you see. So my hear soared and the world looked a little bit brighter .

But only for a minute. That's when an older guy, obviously senior to the one who was serving me, came over and did his own "telepathic scan". His comments weren't anywhere near as comforting. As soon as he said the word "motherboard", I knew I was in for a world of financial hurt.

Of course there's no guarantee that this guy would be right and the younger guy would be wrong, but knowing my luck it was very likely. For some reason when something goes wrong with one of my possessions, it's always the worst, most damaging, most expensive thing possible. Always.

But at least now I'll know, and I can decide from there. I've got a nasty feeling though that very soon I'll be hunting for Neville T Laptop the third (this Neville is actually Neville Jr).

Of course, just to rub salt into the wound, I get the e-mail from the broadband provider telling me that my connection is FINALLY ready to go. So here I am, internet faster than anything I've experienced before at my fingertips, and absolutely no way to access it.

I really must have been Jack the Ripper in a past life. It's the only way to explain my karma...

Avenue Q...

2006-08-16T13:42:00.000+09:30

... I'm a huge fan of Avenue Q, but seeing as I live in Australia this is probably the closest I'll ever get to seeing it.

Oh Neville, why hast thou forsaken me...

2006-08-16T11:08:00.000+09:30

... I'm in mourning. Just paint me solemn, slap a black armband on me and call me The Widow Kelstar. Why, you ask? Because last night Neville decided to conk out on me. He's taking a cyber dirt nap. He's pushing up digital daisies. Yep, Neville the Laptop is dead! Long live the Queen!

Alright, I'll stop exagerating. So he's not really dead, he's just having a little trouble being able to work out when his power cord is plugged in. I stick it in his back, and yet he keeps showing me that little battery symbol. Smug little battery symbol! Why won't you disappear?

So when I realised that I had approximately an hour and a half of battery power left before it'd shut off on me, I did the only thing that I could think of ... I called Doofus. Yep, there are definitely some perks to having a computer genius for a brother.

Unfortunately, as good as he is, even he can't fix a hardware problem from around a thousand kilometres away (he's tall, but his arms just aren't that long). After I described what was happening, he knew right away what the problem was. And it's not a cheap problem.

So now I'm going to have to make a decision. Do I take it back to the manufacturer who will definitely fix it, but probably charge me as much as it would cost to buy a whole new computer? Do I gamble on one of the fellows who've done the brave thing and listed their services in the computer repairs section of the yellow pages? Or do I just go out and buy a new computer? Hmm, it's not going to be easy to decide which is the right direction.

Of course this had to happen only days after I'd signed an 18 month contract with a broadband company and only one day after I'd bought all the equipment for it. Murphy's Law, I guess. Oh, I know I'll want it anyway, no matter what I end up doing. Whatever the outcome, I need a computer with the internet. It just seems awfully convenient that at 11am I'm on the phone with the broadband company, getting more and more frustrated with their inability to listen to what I'm saying and eventually just yelling at the girl to stop talking (Honestly, she wouldn't stop! She just kept going on and on even though I told her that wasn't what I was calling about), and by 8pm that night my computer "mysteriously" starts playing up!

Coincidence? I think not!

Alas, poor Neville, we hardly knew ye...

Enterprising bargaining...

2006-08-15T18:36:00.000+09:30

... I stopped by Harvey Norman's last night on my way home. I know, it's hardly one of my usual hangout. All that electrical equipment and computer stuff ... it gives me the willys. But I needed a new modem and Doofus assured me that I'd get it much cheaper at a computer shop than I would buying directly from the internet providerd, so I took a deep breath and entered that Zeus forsaken world.

And it was exactly what I'd expected, packed to the gills with techies, geeks and people who obviously were suffering from vitimin D deficiency. Everywhere there were gamers fondling boxes with titles like "World of Warcraft" and "Syphon Filter Dark Mirror" and "Tekkan 5 Dark Ressurrection". Fondling them the way that I fondle second hand books. That should give you an idea of just how get-a-roomy they were.

But I was determined. I needed that modem, so I marched in and did the thing we women always do when we want a sales assistant to come help us in an electrical, hardware or sporting store. I stood right in the middle of the room and looked around with a lost expression on my face, chewing on a fingernail and occasionally referring to the note in my hand as if I was desperately looking for something. Works every time, within thirty seconds some guy with "Easy Commission" flashing on the inside of his eyelids came bounding over to ask if I needed any assistance.

You bet I did! I thrust the note into his hand and told him that I needed what was written there and I hoped it made sense. And truthfully I did. I had no idea, Doofus had just reeled off a whole string of words and numbers that were either the details of an ADSL modem or the command codes for a nuclear missile housed somewhere off the west coast. I'm sure time will tell which.

But he seemed to understand and rushed off as fast as he could, returning seconds later with a big box that had that string of words and numbers on it. Pretty good chance this was what I needed then! I could buy it, get out of there, and be home before the real peak hour traffic started percolating. But when he told me the price I realised that nothing is ever that simple.

Sixty dollars more than I thought it'd be! Sixty dollars! Now I resented having to hand over the cash for the modem in the first place (for a person who can spend with the best of 'em, I'm surprisingly tight fisted at times) so being told that it would cost me sixty dollars more just annoyed me.

Time to play hardball.

I told him that I'd been told it wouldn't cost more than such and such.

He told me that the ticket price was the RRP.

I told him that I'd seen it for between forty and sixty dollars cheaper online.

He told me (while gesturing to his computer) that the thing had cost THEM more than that.

I told him (while screaming "LIAR LIAR" in my head) that I couldn't buy it at that price.

He told me (reluctantly) that he could drop the price by thirty dollars, but no more as that would bring it down to cost.

I agreed because I really did need that modem, and that brought the price down, if not to the cheapest I'd seen, at least into a reasonable category.

Of course, this means one of the two following is accurate, I'm just not sure which.

"Guess what I did last night! Some sales guy tried to screw me over but I finally beat him into submission and got a fair price."

or

"Guess what I did last night! I managed to screw some poor sales guy out of his commission by making him reduce my purchase to cost."

Which one is true? Your guess is as good as mine...

Politics and cartoons...

2006-08-13T18:52:00.000+09:30

... I liked a lot of different cartoon shows when I was a kid, but there's one that even now stands out in my mind as above and beyond the rest. I think we all remember The Smurfs with a certain sense of nostalgic fondness.

Should I be concerned that it was about miniature blue communistic gnomes, or am I just reading too much into it?

Makes you wonder if Scooby Doo had any serious political affiliation too, doesn't it...

One small step for Kelstar...

2006-08-11T12:37:00.000+09:30

... Over the internet phone.

Doofus: What's up, Kel?
Me: I finally did it! I'm getting broadband!
Doofus: That's great! What's the plan?
Me: It's from that provider you recommended, the third one down in the second lot.
Doofus: (silence)
Me: Doof? You still there?
Doofus: Kel, this is ADSL2.
Me: Yep, that's what the girl said.
Doofus: You're kidding! You're getting ADSL2?
Me: (sarcastically)I believe we've clarified that already.
Doofus: Do you have any idea what it is? It's brilliant, much better than my connection! It's like 24 meg a second, that's about 16 times faster than mine!
Me: (surprised) Really? Huh, well there you go. Why don't you have it if it's so flashy? You're normally right in there for any new toys.
Doofus: It's not available to our area. ADSL2! I can't believe it. It's just not fair!
Me: So that means I'm going to have some sort of technology before you?
Doofus: Uh huh.
Me: Does that make me the technology guru?
Doofus: Oh shut up.
Me: And wouldn't that make you the technology retard?
Doofus: (growls)
Me: Hmm, I think I'm going to like this.
Doofus: (muttering) bite me...

Time capsule...

2006-08-09T07:01:00.000+09:30

... Well it was census night last night and I filled in the form like a good little girl. I even put the correct answers in, despite overwhelming urge to reply to "What is your name?" with "Her Royal Highness, Mother Shabooboo". But that $1000 fine threat kept floating in front of me so I managed to restrain myself for the sake of my bank balance.

There was one new section on the form this time though. At the very end of the form, you could tick a box if you wanted your details archived and then released to the public in a hundred years. Kind of like a nationwide timecapsule.

Did any of you ever do a time capsule when you were younger? They were all the rage back in the eighties. I remember when I was about fifteen Mum and Doofus got all excited because they found a box of some sort hidden in the cavity between the upstairs floor and the downstairs ceiling. Thinking that someone must have hidden some sort of treasure there, they were all ready to fish the thing out of it's hidey hole when I just happened to walk by.

Of course they were disappointed when I told them that I'd put it there a few years earlier, but no where near as disappointed as they would have been if they'd opened it up to find some of my old photos, a few knick-knacky toys and a note stating that it was my time capsule. What I thought anyone was going to learn by that junk I've no idea, but at twelve it SEEMED like a good idea.

But back to the census issue. So now our forms are going to be released to the public in a century's time. I guess they think it'll help people in the future understand us better. I'm not sure how though. I mean, I'm sure that knowing how much each household makes a year and how many people own their own home will be very educational, but not too many people are going to find it interesting.

If it were up to me, I'd have put another section in the census, the whole purpose of which would be to show people in the future what we're REALLY like. Questions like "What was your most embarrassing experince? Describe in detail." or "Have you ever had an affair? Please be specific to assist in tracking accurate family trees.". See, those sorts of questions would give the people of the future information that they'd want to know.

And this, my friends, is why the government should really start asking for my opinion before they go ahead with these sorts of projects...

Blegh...

2006-08-08T16:35:00.000+09:30

... So, for anyone who read my last entry, you'll see I'm still down with the flu. That's the coughing, wheezing, funny tingling sensation behind the nose flu, not the one that involves things shooting out of either end. At first I was inclined to pass it off as a cold, but it's been around for four days now with no indication that it plans on letting up, so I'm making an executive decision to promote it to the title of "flu". If it lasts until the end of the week, I'm going to bump it up to black plague.

Oh, don't mind me. I just tend to get cranky when I'm unwell. Actually, that's how you can tell I'm starting to get better. If I've got the energy to whinge then I must be on the mend. Either way, I've GOT to go back to work tomorrow, voice or no voice. They'll just have to put up with me writing everything down with a sharpie and a spiral note pad.

Of course, I don't expect to get any sympathy from my comrades in arms. When I sent an e-mail in this morning telling my supervisor that I wouldn't be in, his reply was "Hope you feel better. At the moment I am up to my eye-ballswith cold and flu tablets. Might not be helping the flu, but I feel great!!!!!!!". I expect I'll go in tomorrow to find that just about everyone was off either yesterday or today.

That's the way it works in offices, isn't it. If one of you goes down, you're damn well going to take everyone else down with you! I guess nothing spreads so fast in an office as germs and gossip...

What Kelstar learnt today...

2006-08-08T15:21:00.000+09:30

... What Kelstar learnt today:

1. If you drop a two litre bottle of diet coke down a set of cement stairs, it'll do an amazing impersonation of a carbonated guided missile and head straight for the most expensive looking car in the parking lot. When you're not feeling well, this won't amuse you as much as you might think.

2. No matter what the chemist says, a packet of cold and flu tablets that advertises "cough supressant" is not necessarily telling the truth. It's probably more economical to buy the packet that's five dollars cheaper and then splurge on the bottle of cough syrup.

3. When you try to gesture to the checkout chick that you've lost your voice, she'll automatically start speaking louder and enunciating like you've gone deaf. Glaring at her won't make her stop, she'll just beam condescendingly at you and scream "HERE ... IS ... YOUR ... CHANGE!"

4. If your throat is sore and raspy, that's when you'll get half a dozen telemarketers calling in a row. For some reason, they won't accept that you've "lost your voice" and will continue trying to convince you to change long distance carrier until you hang up on them in frustration....

Use the force, Kelstar...

2006-08-06T17:27:00.000+09:30

... It's funny how quickly five years can go by. It doesn't seem like that long since we last had a census in Australia, but given that I came home yesterday to find a census survey shoved under my welcome mat and the instructions to fill it out on Tuesday night I guess it must be.

I'm sure all sorts of useful information will be gathered, but to be completely honest there's only one thing I'm interested in finding out about, and it's got nothing to do with the average weekly wage or how many dependants per household. What I want to know is whether enough people will have put Jedi down as their religious affiliation this time round for it to be made an official religion.

I remember back in 2001 there was a major push by all the Star Wars fans out there, bless their little nerdy hearts, to get as many people putting it down as possible so it'd be officially recognised by the government. Of course that lead to the government threatening all sorts of things if they did, most specifically a $1000 fine for anyone "knowingly providing false or misleading information on their census forms".

Of course, that just got them all worked up even more. As a general rule we Australians are a pretty laid back bunch, but tell us we "can't" do something and you'd be surprised just how rebellious we become. Perhaps it's got something to do with our convict heritage, we don't exactly come from the most law-abiding of folks and we CERTAINLY don't appreciate authority figures.

So, come census time all the little Jedi-ites put it down anyway. Of course fining all those people would be extremely difficult, not to mention the problem of trying to prove that the information WAS false, so the government were forced to eat their words. Oh, I'm not saying that they put Jedi down in the Australian Bureau of Statistics publications as an official religion, but no one got fined for saying that it was what they believed in. So I suppose it was a victory of sorts. After all, if the works of a science fiction writer like L Ron Hubbard can result in a fully recognised religion, why not the Jedi?

But this time round I haven't heard anyone talking about it. I wonder if all those people who put Jedi down last time will do it again. Perhaps they've forgotten about it. Perhaps they've "grown up" in the past five years. I hope not though. I'd really love to read the next lot of statistics and see Jedi in it's own little column...

Cold induced shopping...

2006-08-05T16:03:00.000+09:30

... The hills are well and truely alive with the sounds of sniffing. Damned cold, of course I'd have to go and get it just as the weekend was starting. I'm all snorty and snuffly, I've been gargling betadine throat gargle like it's going out of fashion, and I've been holed up on the couch all morning with the cat in my lap and a box of tissues on the coffee table beside me. it's not a pretty sight people.

But at least it's just a cold. Having had my fair share of them I'm well able to distinguish the difference between a common or garden cold and a real flu. It'll be over in a few days, no doubt having moved on to wreak it's own germy brand of havoc on some other poor unsuspecting fool.

I was speaking to KS on the phone earlier and she was saying that she's down with it too. We had a great time comparing the ridiculous things we've bought at the supermarket in cold-related purchasing fits. Oh yes, they always tell you that you should never go grocery shopping when you're hungry because you'll buy all sorts of stuff you don't really need or want. What they don't tell you is that rule applies even moreso for when you've got a cold.

Take my shopping basket yesterday afternoon, as an example. When I reached the checkout counter I had frozen hash browns (I never do get around to actually putting them IN the oven. They just sit in the freezer until they're frostbitten), a tin of crab meat (Don't ask me, I'm not sure why either), and a half litre container of the richest chocolate icecream I could find (Oh yes, dairy for the girl with the phlegm. Good idea!).

I guess when we're not feeling well we instinctively look for things to make us feel better. When faced with a supermarket, that's going to be the foods we consider comfort foods. Believe me, I came within a hairs bredth of also bringing home a Sarah Lea cheesecake and a half kilo piece of roasting beef!

Maybe next time I have a cold I'll just steer clear of supermarkets altogether...

Technological Advances...

2006-08-04T06:30:00.000+09:30

... My brother has been badgering me for ages to go out and get myself one of those internet headsets. You see, that's what Doofus does, he drags me (kicking and screaming) into the technological age. He was the one to set up my first e-mail account for me, he first connected me to the internet, and it was due to his urging that I got a mobile phone (although that only lasted for a couple of years before I gave the blasted thing up in disgust). His newest crusade however was to get me onto Skype and using the internet phone service there, thus the need for a headset.

He even went so far as to give me the money for it! It was only about thirty dollars, but he knew that if he did that, then I'd feel obliged to go out and buy it and I'd stop procrastinating. Clever little sod, isn't he! And it worked, I did the hike all the way out to the suburban shopping centre yesterday afternoon and came home again the proud new owner of a Logitech Internet Headset.

So I logged on last night, all bright eyed and shiny, set up my account, and connected my new headset. I even got my first call from Doofus. Well, who else would it be from, I don't know anyone else on the system. But it was still pretty exciting.

So I'm now able to make phone calls while I'm on the internet. I know that once I've changed over to broadband it won't be an issue, but it'll still be nice to be able to call overseas for about two or three dollars an hour. Comparing that to how much it used to cost to call K in Japan, it's amazing! And of course Skype to Skype calls are free, so you know I'll be encouraging everyone I know to sign up.

Cause it's all about me. Didn't you know?

**********

On more depressing news, I think I'm getting a cold. My throat is sore, my nose is stuffed and my head is full of cotton wool ... figuratively speaking of course.

I know it's just one of those things that happens at this time of year, but it sucks like a hoover anyway. I should be blaming all the people at work who've been sniffling and coughing all over the place for the past few weeks, but for some strange reason I feel the need to blame petrol prices. Force of habit, I guess...

A letter to Mel...

2006-08-02T10:17:00.000+09:30

... Dear Mel,

Do you mind if I call you Mel? Mr Gibson just seems so formal. You don't know me but I'm a long time fan of your work. Loved you in Lethal Weapon, by the way. But I have to say I was appalled when I read the newspaper story about the "incident".

Sugartits? Seriously?

There are just so many different ways to describe the female mammary glands, why on earth would you choose an expresion that hasn't been used since the mid 1970's? Really, it says more about your originality and your imagination than anything else.

I'd like to suggest that the next time you find yourself in a situation like that, you try something a little more ... colourful. How about jubblies, or gazungas, or my personal favourite, ta-ta's. Add in the obligatory hooter-honk with corresponding sound effects if you really feel like classing it up. After all, might as well be hung for sheep as a lamb.

Yours sincerely,

Kelstar.

P.S. The anti-semitic stuff doesn't really fly with me either. Very uncool.

Skeletons in the football field...

2006-08-02T06:48:00.000+09:30

... I had my second Historical Archaeology class of the semester, and I really think I'm going to like this one. The lecturer, Dr P, has that skill that so many of the others are lacking ... the ability to talk for two hours and not bore everyone to the edge of ritualistic suicide. Believe me, it's a skill that's sorely lacking in most of the old wowzers from the ancient history department.

Most of his lecture was about the excavation of Lang Park which he was in charge of. Anyone who lives in Brisbane will know about it (it was pretty big news at the time), but for the rest of you out-of-towners I'll explain. We have a sporting field here in Brisbane called Suncorp Stadium, but it used to be called Lang Park before they revamped and enlarged it. What most people didn't know though is that there used to be an old cemetery underneath the landfill that covered Lang Park. At least, most people didn't now until we had a really wet season and suddenly all the dead people started poking up out of the ground.

So when the work started for the redevelopment, they hired Dr P to put together a team and excavate the cemetery before they built over it again. It's pretty standard practice to do that if you're building somewhere that you know has a historical site underneath. So the first part of last night's lecture was the usual description of what they'd found, followed up by an open discussion comparing it to a couple of other Queensland archaeological sites.

One of the things that Dr P showed us though that caught my interest was the burial of one man, aged around 25-30 who they called "Mary". Apparently they thought it was a woman at first, but later on a specialist said it was a man just with an unusually large pelvis. What they found out about this guy though suggests that he was from a wealthy family. Good quality coffin (only rich people would have afforded it), teeth in good condition (was eating better than usual food), and he'd had some pretty serious injuries that he'd obviously recovered from (could afford medical attention).

Dr P suggested that if he was that well to do, it would be relatively easy to track down who he might be. If he was rich, he probably made the papers when he died. I've already contacted a friend in the Family History section of work to see if we keep newspapers from that period. I'd really like to put a name to the guy...

First three therapy sessions, absolutely free...

2006-08-01T07:34:00.000+09:30

... That's what my work offered us. We had a meeting where a lovely lady came to tell us all about the free psychological councelling we were entitled to being government employees. According to the cheery deary, we are all allowed to have three free therapy sessions every calendar year. Yippee!!! Now I can afford all those extra neuroses I've been hankering for!

Joking aside, I really do think it's a great idea. It's nice to know the service is there, even if I never use it. Besides, going insane is such an expensive process these days. What with doctors bills, strait jackets, assylum fees and anti-depressants, it's nice to know that there's an alternate path to mental health. Okay, so maybe I didn't put the joking totally aside. Come on, free therapy? That's comedy gold!

We got to hear all about how we could make an appointment to talk about anything we liked, from work related disputes to family problems. We could also choose what sort of psychologist we wanted to talk to, male or female, young or old, enthusiastic or sympathetic. I couldn't help wondering if I could request a nice looking male, 25-35 years old, with a good sense of humour and a fondness for long walks in the rain. I figured if she could make it sound like picking someone out of the personals column of the newspaper, I could let my mind wander a little.

Through the entire meeting I sat at the back of the room with a friend and we passed notes back and forth. I felt like I was in school again. At one point in the note writing I asked "Do you think they'd give me the day off to go talk to her about my fear of work?" This prompted a spontanious and rather embarrassing laughing fit on both our parts. The withering glares from my supervisor, who was sitting in front of us, were enough to sober us down. Next time I think they're going to separate us...

Dwarf death's are ALWAYS funny...

2006-07-31T10:28:00.000+09:30

... Last night KS called to see if I wanted to do something. Of course, being both lazy AND indecisive, our conversation followed the usual track of "What do you want to do?" "I don't know, what do you want to do?" "I don't know either."

So after doing that for half an hour or so, I drove over there and we got some fish and chips and a DVD to watch. Seeing as we'd seen just about everything that was in the story, we ended up selecting "The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe". We'd both seen it before of course, but it's one of those films you can watch over and over and you don't really get sick of it.

Of course, with films like that you're really in it for the battle scene in the end. I think we talked almost all the way through it, commentating the whole thing. In fact, I think we did that when we saw it in the cinema as well. It's no wonder no one wants to go to the movies with us anymore.

Here's the conversation we had.

KS: I know that The Lord of the Rings had better battle scenes, but there's just something about watching a giant rhino gouging a polar bear, isn't there.

Me: I know, it's like poetry. Pure poetry.

On Screen: Edmund gets stabbed by the White Queen

KS: Ouch! That must have hurt!

Me: They're not pulling the punches.

KS: No shit! They just stabbed one of the main characters through the stomach!

On Screen: Edmund lies on the ground, wheezing and clutching the grass

Me: You know, for a thirteen year old he's doing a pretty good job of acting like he's dying of a stabwound. Of course, he's acting more like he's got a sucking chest wound, but I'll overlook it.

KS: How the hell do you know what a sucking chest wound looks like?

Me: Too many episodes of MASH.

KS: Oh! Here's the good bit!

On screen: The Dwarf gets shot in the chest with an arrow and falls backwards

Me: Yes!!! Hilarious!!!!

KS: It's not politically correct, but damn that dwarf's funny when he dies!

Me: I know! It's like "I'm gonna kill you ... sweak ... thump!"

KS: I can't believe we're sitting here laughing about a dwarf being shot by an arrow. We're probably going straight to hell, aren't we.

Me: No probably about it...

Hmm, a frosty glass of toilet water...

2006-07-28T12:41:00.000+09:30

... I don't know how many of you know it but BrisVegas is in the middle of a terrible drought. It's gotten to the point where even if it's just drizzling for a few minutes, we all get excited and log onto the internet to see just how much rain we got. I guess you could say we're all becomming a bit obsessed with water.

Our dams are down to 28% capacity and we're all starting to get a tad worried about where our next tall drink of water is going to come from. And so, in an act of what can only be labelled desperation, the government have now begun to talk about using recycled sewage water to suplement until we get some decent rainfall.

Lets just say that if that happens, I think the following comic strip will pretty much be my reaction.

Logically I know it will be safe to drink. I know that animals probably are crapping in the dams on a regular basis anyway. I know that they would treat it within an inch of it's life before they start pumping it into our homes, but I can't help it! They're saying we'll end up drinking poo water!

I think it's a safe bet that the bottled springwater companies are going to make a killing. Perhaps I should buy some shares...

Movie Review: The Lakehouse...

2006-07-28T06:53:00.000+09:30

... KS and I went to see The Lakehouse last night. I normally don't like to see films on the opening night ( I prefer to wait until the crowds die down), but I really wanted to see this one. Any film that combines romance, pseudo time travel and Keanu Reeves looking all pensive and sexy is bound to get my attention and I was willing to brave the throng in order to see it.

And I did enjoy it. I loved the whole "ill-fated lovers" concept. It reminded me a lot of an old Hallmark film I saw once called The Love Letter where a man from the present writes letters to a woman in the Civil War era via a magic writing desk. He'd put the letter in the little cubby hole and she'd take it out, then vice versa.

The Love Letter was based on a story by one of my favourite writers, Jack Finney, and I think that was the main difference. Finney always made sure that there were absolutely no plot holes in his stories. I guess when you're dealing with something as fanciful as time travel you have to be extra careful about stuff like that.

Of course I know how intricate he can get with his stories. I remember thinking how complex Time And Again and From Time To Time were. With him everything is considered, every possibility, every option, until he has an airtight plot and a faultless timeline.

The Lakehouse, however, wasn't anywhere near as diligent about that sort of thing. There were plot holes, and inconsistancies, but somehow I didn't mind as much as I would normally. What it lacked in precision it made up for in emotion and angst (and you all know how much I love angst).

Of course it's difficult to tell a story where the two main characters, and romantically linked characters at that, are in different places (both physically and temporally). How do you have a romance when the two can't even be in the same shot? They managed to get around it by having the characters "talk" through their letters, although if I hadn't been so emotionally invested I might have been annoyed by the assumption that I'd accept their flowing conversation.

But as it was KS and I sat in the back row and oohed and aahed over it, nudging each other and giggling like a couple of fifteen year olds every time Keanu looked off into the distance with a thoughtful, longing expression on his face.

What can I say! No matter how bad an actor he is, he's still damned gorgeous...

Yep, I was overreacting...

2006-07-26T08:55:00.000+09:30

... Well I managed to get the whole ancient history major bro-ha-ha worked out last night. I descended on that administrative guy in the Arts office like an avenging angel. I was all ready for a battle of wills, pure logic in one hand and biting sarcasm in the other.

I was, as I'm sure you all suspected, overreacting. It turns out that the change only applies to people who enroll from next year onwards. My major is safe, I don't have to try and scramble to complete another one to fill it's place, and I DON'T HAVE TO LEARN LATIN OR ANCIENT GREEK!

You see that was the major they'd created to replace the ancient history one, something called Classical Studies. It's going to have a lot in common with the old major, but one of the things you have to do is take beginners and intermediate ancient greek or latin. Call me kooky, but I prefer to read the translated versions of ancient sources rather than decyphering it myself.

But it's all a moot point anyway. I don't have to learn a dead language, my subjects all still count for my major, and I'm right back on track. Good thing too, I'd have really been cutting it close if I had to start over.
My Monday night class is deadly dull, but I'll keep it anyway. It starts at 5pm, a perfect time for a part timer, and the assessment seems pretty self explanitary. I'll just have to take a book or something to read and sit in the back for when the lecturer starts to get boring.

Last night's class looks like it'll be a lot more interesting. It's an archaeology subject and according to the course outline we're going to do a lot of practical work in the second half of each class. Should be fun! And to think I only signed up for that one yesterday morning after I cancelled the other class I'd selected which was taught by my Monday night lecturer too. I just COULDN'T face the idea of two nights in a row of that guy...

Invaded by the U.S...

2006-07-25T07:29:00.000+09:30

... I don't think I heard anything in the news about it, but I have a funny feeling we might have been invaded by the United States.

I started back at Uni last night, first night back after a break of a couple of years, and when I got into the lecture hall for my first class I realised I was surrounded by American accents. Completely surrounded. As in I was possibly the only Australian in the room.

It was astounding! In a room full of eighty students, it turns out only two of us were Australian. The rest were American, with one Canadian and one from the Netherlands. Since when did University of Queensland become a United States college campus?

I mentioned it to my father last night and, as an employee of the Uni, he told me that they're really focusing on overseas enrollments these days. I suppose it makes sense, foreign students pay more for he course and they do it upfront, unlike the Australian ones who get to defer their payments.

And it's no doubt a good deal for the foreigners. A university course in a highly respected school that costs less than the colleges in the U.S. Add to that the fact that they get the "overseas experience" and it's not surprising so many people take up the offer.

But I also found out something disturbing last night. They're cancelling one of my majors! I'm enrolled for a major in Archaeology and one in Ancient History, but for some reason yet to be divulged, they've decided to discontinue the Ancient History major as of first semester next year.

How can they get rid of Ancient History! You'd think it'd be one of the standard streams, wouldn't you. And, on a more self involved note, what the hell am I going to do now? I've already finished my Ancient History major! If I have to start a whole new one from scratch I'm going to be ropable.

Oh, I'm sure they've got it covered. I'm sure the ancient history classes will be absorbed into another stream, but it still bites.

Just incase it's not completely obvious, I don't deal well with change...

Romance for Dummies...

2006-07-24T07:35:00.000+09:30

... I think I'm pretty lucky with the people I work with. There might be times when I rant, but in reality we're all good friends, not something that happens all the time in the workplace. Personally, I think it can mostly be attributed to the fact that we've diligently held a Friday morning "Bonding Ceremony" (or as Tr likes to call it, a Bondage Ceremony) that involves eating ridiculous amounts of cake and bun during our smoko break.

So when one of the girls suggested that we should do it for real one weekend, the rest of us jumped on board. In no time a table was booked at a northside establishment called High Societea and we were set for a Saturday afternoon of eating wee little cakies and drinking tea out of fine bone china.

And we had a ball! We ate, we drank, we laughed ... I think we were the rowdiest table in the whole tea house! But most of the laughter revolved around Tr and her stories about her newly reignited dating life.

You see, T just recently split up with her husband, and in an attempt to begin meeting guys again, she signed up with that online dating site RSVP. She regaled us all afternoon with tales of different guys she'd met from the site, both on the net and in person.

One in particular we all had a giggle over was someone who called himself "Randy As Hell". According to Tr, that's was both his screen name and how he signed off his message, "I hope we can meet up because I'm Randy as Hell". Charming, no?

But Tr keeps looking, and so she should. She says she has met some nice people, just no one who's "right". It's no easy task in today's world. But hey, it's as good a theory as any other.

Take KS for example, she doesn't go looking for guys in an obvious way, but she still seems to find plenty of them. I remember when she told me about a crush she was developing on one of her workmates. Not exactly a recommended activity, but whatever works I suppose. But then she went on to describe the guy and I was astounded. He was TOTALLY not her type. She goes for younger, he was older. She goes for lean, he was more thick set. She goes for romantically attractive, he had more of a "characteristic face".

At first I though she MUST really like him, given how different he was from the guys she usually goes for, but then she told me some of his history.

He had been engaged about ten years ago, but his finace had died. Ever since then he'd gone into a self imposed exile, working most of the time. She said that he had a lovely personality, but he was still so sad. He hadn't dated anyone since.

Oh my god! Well who WOULDN'T fall immediately in love with a guy like that! Jezus, I fell in love with him just HEARING the story. It's the stuff that romance novels are made of, the idea of finding a guy like that, totally dedicated to his dead fiance, and teaching him to love again. Call him Blake or Scout and toss in a few verbose love scenes and you'd have a best seller...

You suck, Steve Allison...

2006-07-20T16:06:00.000+09:30

... I've always been rather proud of the wide variety of spam mail I receive each morning. When I get into work, the first thing I do is log onto my hotmail account and see message after message asking me if I'd like to enlarge my penis (I'd have to get one from somewhere first), to buy viagra (still lacking that appendage), if I'd like to help out the Nigerian royal family by laundering some money for them (assuming I'm willing to send them a little assurance money) and horny mothers who are apparently waiting to please me (by all means, horny mothers, you can please me by doing my laundry).

But today I had a real treat. Apparently the FBI are on my tail.

Yep, I've made the big time, kids! I'm on the most wanted list! The men in the black swat uniforms will be breaking down my door any minute.

You see, this is the message I found this morning.

Dear Sir/Madam,We have logged your IP-address on more than 30 illegal Websites.Important: Please answer our questions! The list of questions are attached.Yours faithfully,Steven AllisonFederal Bureau of Investigation-FBI-

Curses, foiled again! And I would have got away with it too, if it weren't for you pesky FBI agents!

But seriously, does anyone fall for these things? It doesn't take a genius to work out that the FBI aren't going to send a polite note to tell you you've broken the law. What next? "Dear Mr Terrorist, we can see from your recent correspondence that you're planning to set off a big old bomb. Please complete the attached survey and turn it in, along with yourself, to your nearest law enforcement office. Have a nice day!"

Of course, once I did a bit of a websearch I saw plenty of warnings saying that the message had a worm attached. Lucky I keep my virus scanner updated and it isolated it. Otherwise mr Steven Allison would be getting a little message from me, delivered in person via my boot and directly to his rear end...

Unfamiliar...

2006-07-19T07:27:00.000+09:30

... We keep getting all these new people here at work. Every time I go upstairs now (where all the "suits" live) all I see is a room ful of strangers. Actually, it's a bit disconcerting. I'm so used to knowing everyone's name that having all these unfamiliar faces wandering about gives me the heebejeebes.

And it's even worse in the mornings when I'm letting people in. You see, whenever someone comes early to work who doesn't have a security card to unlock the door, they ring a bell and someone has to go and let them in. Usually, that someone is me due to the fact that a.) I start at seven in the morning and am usually here before anyone else, b.) I sit fairly close to the front door, and, c.) everyone else in at that time is too damned lazy to get up and let them in.

But what ends up happening is I'm letting people in I've never seen before and who could be, for all I know, international terrorists who want to plant bombs in the reference section and blow up all our precious, precious books. So I do the only logical thing, if I don't recognise them then I ask them who they are.

You'd be surprised just how many people become insulted when you do that. Even if you've never seen them before and you know they've never seen you, they still are highly offended that you didn't automatically realise that they're the new secretary/librarian/janitor/sandwichlady.

And then there are the people who are actually visitors, but who resent the fact that they have to sign in at the reception visitors register. "But I'm here all the time!" they exclaim, thinking that's going to make a difference if the place burns to the ground and we have to identify the grizled remains without their name on the register to compare dental records to.

But I think the worst is when, like the other morning, you let in a member of the board who's here for an early morning meeting. I mean honestly, if you're going to schedule an early morning meeting with people as important as board members, you'd plan to be there before them, wouldn't you? Apparently not the person who scheduled the meeting the other day. Oh no, she didn't turn up for at least half an hour and I was left trying to entertain some old fellow whose name I didn't know and who wanted to talk endlessly about comparrisons of traffic now to traffic in the fifties.

Of course, I'll always have a soft spot in my heart for the little old board member who told me I had a "nice set of ankles". Now that was the most gentlemanly sexual harrassment I've ever encountered...

Scenes from Kelstar's Office...

2006-07-17T07:33:00.000+09:30

... So what do aspiring comic strip artists do when they realise they have absolutely no artistic ability? Why, they go to Strip Generator, of course!

Will you be my neighbour...

2006-07-15T09:42:00.000+09:30

... I'm a blog tennant!!! For the first time ever, someone chose me! You like me! You really, really like me!

So a great big thank you to MC at Culture Kills ... Wait, I Mean Cutlery.

And now everyone, I'd like you to meet my new Blog Explosion tennant, Chocablog!

Now HERE'S an idea that was long overdue! A blog reviewing all those old chocolate bars that we loved so much as kids. It's like taking a stroll down a chocolate dipped memory lane.

I was especially thrilled with the Marsbar/Milkyway translation made especially for the American readers. It's no wonder we can't understand each other, we're talking different chocolate languages! I wonder why no one has noticed before?

But in all seriousness, it's a wonderful new blog and everyone should go have a look. Go on, the link is over there on the right...

Whalesong...

2006-07-14T07:16:00.000+09:30

... You know I realised this morning that I've well and truely missed the Egyptian exhibition at the museum! The damned thing finished god knows when, and I was just wandering around in a fog of unconcern, thinking "Oh, I'll go later. It's going to be on for so long I'll have heaps of time". I'm not even sure WHEN it finished, maybe April? Well, whatever date, I've missed it and that's the first big museum exhibition I've ever missed!

I'm a bit of what you might call a museum tart. I just love museums! I'm intimately familiar with the Queensland Musuem, even though it has to be the most pathetic attempt at curation on the planet. I just love the dusty old displays, the little nooks and crannys where some long gone curator has stuck a teeny little display and then everyone else has just forgotten about it until twenty years later.

It's daggy, but I can't help it. I even love going to the Aviation display and listening to the sound recording of some bloke who crashed his plane and got stuck in the desert. It plays so softly you have to stand right up close to the barriers and lean precariously over to hear what's being said, but I still do it every time.

But the thing I love the most, I think are the giant fibro whales hanging in the underpass that leads to the front door. As you walk through there, they pipe whale sounds into the underpass and the echo is really quite eerie.

I remember once having a conversation with someone about what would happen if those wires holding them up ever snapped and those enormous whales fell onto you. I think that'd have to be the worst way to die. The tragedy of your death forever marred by the hilarity of the way you died...

One red paperclip...

2006-07-13T07:53:00.000+09:30

... Like all of us Internet Nomads, I'm always fascinated with the way people can do things here in cyberspace that they'd never be able to do in the real world. Like that guy who sold the piece of toast with the picture of the Virgin Mary on it for some ridiculous price on E-bay, or the young bloke who bet his girlfriend that he could get two million hits on a website about nothing and if he did then she'd have to have a threesome (he ended up with hits somewhere in the THIRTY millions!). So when I came across this guy's site, I was all over it like whites on rice.

Now THERE'S a genius! This guy's managed to turn a single red paperclip into a house! A friggin house!!! When he made that seriously disasterous trade of an afternoon with Alice Cooper for a KISS snow globe I would have thought he'd destroyed all his chances, but he recovered spectacularly by trading it for a role in a Hollywood movie!

I was always rather fond of the wedding dress guy myself. Any guy who's bitter enough to say all those things about his ex-wife and STILL man enough to wear her wedding dress himself for the photos, well he's alright in my books. And he ended up getting twice as much back for the dress as he said he paid for it, so everyone was happy ... except the ridiculed ex-wife, of course.

But the point is, these are all such simple ideas, and they've all payed out in varying degrees for their creators. Don't you wish you could come up with a scheme like that? I'd love to try the whole haunted painting/doll/knickknack/toiletseat concept, but it seems that since the original haunted ebay picture was sold every man and his dog is trying that one. I've seen haunted bracelets, haunted photos, and even a haunted WWII helmet! Nup, I think that particular cash cow has been well and truely milked.

Now I know what you're all thinking, that you could have done that too if you'd only thought about it first. Still, as my old high school art teacher used to say whenever we'd say that about famous artists who basically did nothing more than throwing cans of paint at canvases, the point is you DIDN'T think of it first. He did. And now he owns a house for the princely investment of the cost of a paperclip, around 10% of a cent, if my math serves me correctly...

Having crappiness thrust upon me...

2006-07-12T12:41:00.000+09:30

... You know, I always thought that "white trash" houses were the sort of places that I wouldn't have to deal with. Not that the fibro shack is a particularly fancy place to live, but I've always considered it to be respectable, if not elegant. The gardens are always manicured (what's of them anyway), the lawn is always mowed, the house facade is neat and presentable.

Unfortunately, as a great man once said, some people are born to white trashiness, some aquire white trashiness, and some have white trashiness thrust upon them. I fear, gentle reader, that I may be becoming one of the latter.

Okay, storytime. So my Next Door Neighbour has always been someone I've enjoyed sharing a wall with. She's quiet, friendly, willing to chat when we see each other but not pushy about it. Essentially, she's what I'd call the perfect neighbour. Even when her son moved in with her it didn't change. Perfect neighbours.

Then, one morning, I came out the front door to find that NDN Jr's little clunker of a car was parked in the front yard. Not exactly a huge shock, NDN always parks her car there too, but as the days, weeks, and months passed and the car remained there, I realised that it wasn't going anywhere in the near future.

Okay, I'm not an unreasonable person, I can understand that when a 19 year old kid's car breaks down, he might not have the money to get it fixed. I just assumed that eventually he'd get it towed away. But that never eventuated. Oh no, more than a year later and it's still there, it's tires all flat, it's doors warped and it's paintwork scratched. There's only one word for it ... ugly.

But then one morning about a month ago I heard NDN Jr out in the front yard, this time in his NEW clunker, trying desperately to get the engine to turn over. WRRRRRRRR klunk .... WRRRRRRR klunk .... Yep, he'd broken another one. And now, a month afterwards, it's still sitting there RIGHT NEXT TO THE FIRST PIECE OF CRAP!

But hey, I thought to myself, I'm not a hard arsed neighbour. I'm not going to call the landlady and complain, nor am I going to talk to NDN about it. Of course, that's mostly due to my pathological fear of confrontation, but that's by the by. Oh no, I just ignored the growing resemblance to a junkyard that the front of my house was assuming and hoped (passive/agressively) that the gardener would mention it to the landlady the next time he saw her.
But this morning, well I've got to say even I have my limits! One junky car I could handle. Two junky cars I was willing to tolerate. But this morning I came out of the front door to find A CRAPPY OLD COUCH SITTING RIGHT IN FRONT OF CRAPPY CAR NUMBER ONE! Oh yes, apparently it's not enough to make our front yard look like a spare parts sale, they now feel the need to put ugly old furniture SMACK IN THE MIDDLE!

I mean really, can you get any more white trash than old cars and old furniture in your front yard? Next thing you know I'll find them sitting on the front steps playing banjo with their toes! I'm generally a pretty easy going person, but I really think I'm going to have to do something about it now.

I mean honestly, a couch in the front yard? Who seriously does that!

Theatre and Footy Don't Mix...

2006-07-06T07:33:00.000+09:30

... Well last night was State of Origin night (the final game in a three game football competition between states) and I did what any self respecting footy hater would do ... I went out. But as it turns out, even going to something so different to football as a play by an independent theatre company wasn't enough to shield me from Origin.

Of course, planning a play in a theatre that shares a wall with an English Pub on the night of the State of Origin isn't the most clever of moves. They must have realised that there'd be a certain amount of "noise polution" from the hundreds of drunk footy viewers next door. Even so, I think it can only be considered bad luck that the emotional death scene occurred at EXACTLY the same time as Queensland's final victory in the game. Nothing puts a damper on an angsty death scene like the thunderous disembodied chant of "QUEENS-LAN-DER! QUEENS-LAN-DER!"

But in the true "The show must go on" style of the theatre, the actors soldiered on through it and still managed to have us all very emotional by the end of it. Well done, actors! And if there were a few snickers in the audience, they ignored them and played the scene for all it was worth.

I've got to say though, the play was great. Funny, emotional, and extremely relevant. It was about a group of thirtyish Brisbanites, friends from highschool, and the various relationships between them all set in the Pub Trivia scene. A couple of times I found myself relating a little too well though, for example when one of the questions in the play was "List all the names of the T-Birds in Grease 2", I immediately listed them in my mind. Of course, T tells me he did the same thing with the "Who were the actors who played The Goonies" question, so I don't feel so bad...

RIP DVD...

2006-07-02T19:22:00.000+09:30

... Do you think they design DVD players to break the minute they're out of waranty? I bought my current one to replace the last one that broke just after waranty, the day after New Years Day. Amazing then, isn't it, that this new one should stop working on the second of July, six months to the day since I got it.

When I got home this afternoon I decided to slip a Star Trek DVD in the machine, but the machine had other ideas. It kept flashing up "bad read" over and over again. Okay, I though, perhaps I did a bad burn job on that one (Disclaimer: the blogger does not condone DVD piracy in any way. Stop laughing!) and threw a real disk in the machine to see if it'd accept something that wasn't produced on my laptop. No joy though, it wouldn't accept it any more than the first one.

So after trying one DVD after another, I gave it up as a bad job. I guess I'll have to go out and buy a new machine this week, and until then at least I can still play them on the laptop.

I can't help being suspicious though. Perhaps they program the little buggers to self destruct the minute the waranty's up!

**********

I got up very early this morning and did something I look forward to doing all year long. I got out of bed, turned on the computer, downloaded the software I'd need off the net and ... did my taxes! I'm sure I'm alone in this one, but I love tax time!

Perhaps that's because I always get a healthy tax return. I'm always excited to see what the program will tell me my return is going to be, and I love to see what lodgement number I get allocated (I assume it's sequential and tells you how many other people have lodged before you). Last year I was in the twenty thousands, but this year I was in the four thousands!

Yes, I'm perfectly aware of the fact that this makes me sound like an awfully boring individual. But what can I say ... some people sky dive, some people base jump, I do my taxes. We all get our thrills in different ways...

From the second last row of the theatre...

2006-06-30T23:03:00.000+09:30

... From the second to last row of the Harvest Rain Theatre.

T: Look at that piano! That's one hell of a big piano for such a small stage.

Me: I know, and they've got a trumpet, and a clarinet, and an oboe. Ooh, and a picolo! How cute!

*orchestra starts to warm up*

T: I was in the band in school, did I ever tell you that?

Me: Really? Me too! What did you play?

T: The click-clack.

Me: The ... huh?

T: You know, the click-clack! That round bit of wood on a stick that you hit and it went click, clack, click, clack.

Me: I see ... it wouldn't have happened to be the percussion band, would it?

T: Yeah, how'd you know? I was pretty good too, I even worked out how to do the click, clack, clickclick, clack.

Me: So were you first click-clack or second click-clack?

T: Shut up! I was brilliant!

Me: I'm sure you were. Best click-clack player around.

T: Damned straight! So, what did you play?

Me: (blandly) Second clarinet.

T: Oh, well don't feel too bad. Not everyone can play the click-clack.

Me: I'll try not to let it make me bitter...

Here's the keys, rent's due first of the month...

2006-06-29T06:54:00.000+09:30

Well kiddies, I'd like you all to give my very first Blog Explosion tennant, "I Want A Little Sugar In My Bowl", a nice warm welcome. Here's what she has to say about herself.

I'm a wife and a Mom of two little boys. At times I can be funny,
cynical, sarcastic, or shall I say "temporarily insane" to cope with the daily
"joie de vivre." I also own my own business -- IntimatePirsuits.com.

BEWARE! This blog contains horrible writing, grammatical errors and
nonsensical information!

So go on over and say howdy! You'll find the link on the right hand side. I told her you would, and you wouldn't want to make a liar of me, would you?

Would you really stop them...

2006-06-28T06:47:00.000+09:30

... I was reading SIL's diary the other day and she was talking about the latest shenanigans with the whole gay marriage "sure they can ... wait a second, no they can't" situation. Can you believe it? It's bad enough that's it's taken so long for gay marriage to be allowed, but to then just stomp on it is unforgiveable!

I just don't get it. Why, exactly, can't a gay couple get married? I suppose I can understand why they can't get married in a church, if you want to belong to a church then you have to follow THEIR rules. But that shouldn't stop them from legally getting married! It's descrimination, plain and simple.

I'm just not sure why the conservative right wing is so threatened by the idea of gay marriage! It doesn't affect them directly, but they continue to act like the world's going to come to a grinding halt if two people of the same gender publically declare themselves a couple and are recognised by law!

I've got quite a few gay friends who are in serious long-term relationships and who no doubt despair of EVER being able to get married. I know some people will say "Does it really make a difference? If they're really dedicated to each other, they don't need a piece of paper to say that". And maybe that's true, but it's not the point. They shouldn't be allowed to get married because they "need" it, they should be allowed to get married because they deserve the same rights, respect and consideration of every other couple in Australia.

So, Mr Ruddock, stick that on your needle and knit it...

TV censorship...

2006-06-27T06:07:00.000+09:30

... Everyone's up in arms this morning about the fact that Channel 10 have pulled their "Big Brother: Adults Only" (otherwise known as the Benny Hill Memorial Hour) episode from the Monday night timeslot. I've heard people talking about it, it's been all over the radio. It seems like everyone has an opinion on the matter. And of course, not wanting to be left out, I decided that I should air my own.

Just a little explanation for those who aren't familiar with it. BB Adults Only is a once a week show where they air the bits that are too racey for the regular 7pm timeslot. You get a lot of stories about old conquests, a lot of graphic descriptions of ways and means, and a lot of "obligatory nudie runs" from the guys. Essentially, it's a peek inside a house full of 20 somethings talking openly and completely unscripted about stuff that, if we're honest, we ALL talk about with our friends. It's absolutely not for the kids, but it's hardly the worst think on TV at the moment. Maybe the most honest thing ... but not the worst.

Personally, it makes very little difference to me whether they show it or not. I gave up watching it a long time ago when I realised that the content was pointless and the cheap thrills offered were neither cheap nor thrilling enough to hold my attention. Of course, if that was a guideline for what we remove from TV, I can think of at least a dozen other shows that will have to be chopped immediately. coughTheOCcough

One of the girls who'd called into the radio made an interesting point though. Apparently the government can say we're not allowed to watch a bunch of 20 somethings talking about and doing things that ALL 20 somethings talk about and do, but we HAVE to watch those horrendous car smash ads where some poor woman get bowled over by Mr Guynextdoor on the way to buy a new gas tank for the barbie! And don't even get me started on the anti-smoking gee-that-girls-got-one-hell-of-a-case-of-gangrene commercials!

I guess what it comes down to is that I didn't particularly want to watch Adults Only ... but I resent the fact that the government thinks they have the right to tell me that I can't. What makes them think they can censor things just because THEY don't like it? It may not be refined or innocent, but at least it's real. Unfortunately, the government loke to think that they get to choose what is and isn't seen as real. See, THIS is why we should all fight as hard as we can to make sure they never get their grubby mits on the internet...

Cleaning and finance...

2006-06-25T06:20:00.000+09:30

... I had so many lovely plans for this weekend. I was going to mop the floors, and scrub the bathroom, and do all the linens (including the futon covers) and basically clean all the things one is supposed to clean on a weekly basis but which I never seem to get around to. Okay, so maybe "lovely plans"should be replaced with "hideous, gut wrenching chores the likes of which will make you want to gouge your own eyes out to avoid having to do them", but you see what I mean.

As it is, it's now the middle of Sunday and the only bit of that little itinerary I've managed to get off my tuchus and take care of is the linens. Oh, they're all sweet smelling and nicely folded in the linen cupboard, but is my bathroom sparkling like a diamond in the morning sun? No! Is my kitchen floor so impregnated with Domestos that I could perform open heart surgery on it? No!

I do have the rest of today, I suppose I could get the rest of it done now, but I'm still facing the same problem I've been trying to overcome all weekend ... chronic apathy.

Meh, I'm sure cleanliness is overrated anyway.

**********

Well, End of Financial Year is only a week away, and in true Financial Department fashion, my team at work have all gone off the deep end. Actually, to be completely honest we've been pretty good up until now. At least, comparatively speaking.

Normally we're panicking for a solid three weeks before the big date, and the panic always spreads over a couple of weeks after the fact. This year though we managed to keep so on top of things that we didn't even need to panic until Friday (which one deadline number one: getting stuff for accounts payable in to our Corprorate department), and even then the panic was mostly for show.

Of course, next week could be hell on earth (and it probably will be, now that I've jinxed us all), but I'm choosing to be optimistic. We're prepared, all our receipt batches, payment vouchers and cash journals are ready, and we've even managed to reconcile the ledgers down to the very last discrepancy. Go us!

Actually, most of the panic seems to be coming from the OTHER departments, all of whom have suddenly realised that it's End of Financial Year and are suddenly coming up with questions like "Um ... I've got to buy this (insert expensive/complicated device here) and I just heard from the supplier that we won't get it until next month, but we've budgeted for it this month. Can we just go ahead and pay it anyway?"

The intricasies of finance seem to escape them, little things like ... oh I don't know .... ONLY PAYING FOR SOMETHING WHEN YOU'VE RECEIVED IT!!! It's one of the golden rules of governmental purchasing!

Personally, I really don't give a rats patootie whether they put their necks on the block or not by signing to say that the goods have been received when they haven't, but you just KNOW that if something goes wrong, they'll be right back down there pushing the blame back at you quicker than you can blink...

It's all about me, baby...

2006-06-24T18:31:00.000+09:30

And they said I'd never make it...

The rise of WWW...

2006-06-23T18:40:00.000+09:30

... Someone sent me this today and I thought it was so clever I'd share.

The Rise of the www : how it all began

In ancient Israel, it came to pass that a trader by the name of Abraham Com did take unto himself a young wife by the name of Dot. And Dot Com was a comely woman, broad of shoulder and long of leg. Indeed, she had been called Amazon Dot Com.

She said unto Abraham, her husband, “Why doth thou travel far from town to town with thy goods when thou canst trade without ever leaving your tent?” And Abraham did look at her as though she were several saddle bags short of a camel load, but simply said, “How, Dear?” And Dot replied, “I will place drums in all the towns and drums in between to send messages saying that you have goods for sale and they will reply telling you who hath the best price. And the sale can be made on the drums and delivery made by Uriah’s Pony Stable (UPS).”

Abraham thought long and decided he would let Dot have her way with the drums. The drums rang out and were an immediate success. Abraham sold all the goods he had at the top price without ever moving from his tent. But this success did arouse envy. A man named Maccabia did secret himself inside Abraham’s drum and was accused of insider trading. And the young men did take to Dot Com’s trading as doth the greedy horsefly take to camel dung. They were called Nomadic Ecclesiastical Rich Dominican Siderites, or NERDS for short. And lo, the land was so feverish with joy at the new riches and the deafening sound of drums, that no one noticed that the real riches were going to the drum maker, one Brother William of Gates, who bought up every drum company in the land. And indeed did insist on making drums that would work only with Brother Gates’ drumheads and drumsticks.

And Dot did say, “Oh, Abraham, what we have started is being taken over by others.” And as Abraham looked out over the Bay of Ezekial, or as it came to be known, “eBay”, he said, “we need a name that reflects what we are”, and Dot replied, “Young Ambitious Hebrew Owner Operators”. “YAHOO”, said Abraham.

And that is how it all began...

Surveylicious...

2006-06-23T17:07:00.000+09:30

... Here's a fun little survey I found on another diary. It's certainly more original than the usual ones.

1) My uncle once: let me squirt him with a fake water squirting camera. Of course he pretended he didn't know, but the ruddy thing was plastic and as obvious as get out.
2) Never in my life: have I gone base jumping, and never in my life will I. Have you seen those lycra suits they squeeze them into? Hideous!
3) When I was five: all the photos taken of me show me with two pigtails. I'm not sure why, perhaps my mother thought that was the best look for me.
4) High School was: a better experience for me than for a lot of other people I talk to. I mean it was no reason for a rousing chorus of Knees Up Mother Brown, but it could have been a lot worse.
5) I will never forget: my savings card pin number. It's branded on my memory.
6) I once met: an old guy in the nursing home I worked for who'd been a millionaire when he was younger. He'd given it all away to charity, and then when he got sick he had no money left and had to go into the charity funded home. Funny thing was, he didn't seem to regret giving the money away.
7) Once upon a time: is a seriously overrated story beginning.
8) Once, at a bar: I drank something that one of the guys handed me that, even though I didn't know it, had tobasco sause in it. First I swallowed, then I spluttered, then I punched him in the arm.
9) By noon I’m usually: Dying to get out of the office for half an hour or so and go across the road to the pub where "Everyone knows your name".
10) Last night: my cat decided that it was my sole purpose in life to scratch her tummy, even if I wanted to get onto the net.
11) If I only had: a brain
12) Next time I go to church, I: will probably be attending a christening, wedding or funeral.
13) Terry Schiavo: would probably have been horrified by the news coverage and everyone feeling like they had a right to her personal stuff. I know I would be.
14) What worries me most: changes from day to day, and sometimes from hour to hour. There's usually no real reason behind it, I just go into a "worry spiral" and have to wait it out.
15) When I turn my head left, I see: my dammit doll hanging from my pinboard by a ribbon that's tied to look like a noose. It's a rather unfortunate choice of storage, actually, given that the dammit doll looks a bit like one of those old fashioned gollywogs.
16) When I turn my head right, I see: the crystal ball that my parents gave me a few years back. I call it my "pet crystal".
17) You know I’m lying when: I bite the side of my mouth to try to stop laughing.
18) What I miss most about the eighties: is those really great Go-Go shirts! I loved those things! Ooh, and fluro socks!
19) If I was a character written by Shakespeare: I'd want to be in one of his comedies. All his tragedy heroines end up dead.
20) By this time next year: a whole 365 days will have gone by.
21) A better name for me would be: the artist formerly known as Kelstar
22) I have a hard time understanding: why anyone actually voted for our Prime Minister. The idiot's on his way out for sure, but he's already caused so much trouble they'll be doing damage control for years after.
23) If I ever go back to school I’ll study: this course in paranormal investigation I read about. It sounds like a gas!
24) You know I like you if: I smile at you with my teeth showing.
25) If I won an award, the first person I’d thank would be: the person who handed me the award. It's only polite, after all.
26) Darwin, Mozart, Slim Pickens & Geraldine Ferraro: walked into a bar...
27) Take my advice, never: try to stain furniture on the kitchen lino only using an old bedsheet as a drop cloth.
28) My ideal breakfast is: eggs benedict served on the balcony of a villa in Tuscany
29) A song I love, but do not have is: "The Day You Went Away" by Wendy Matthews. It always makes me cry.
30) If you visit my hometown, I suggest: you DON'T go to Australia Zoo to see Steve Irwin. Please, don't encourage him.
31) Tulips, character flaws, microchips & track stars: all have very little in common.
32) Why won’t anyone: acknowledge the fact that I'm the centre of the universe? You'd all be a lot happier if you just accepted my superiority.
33) If you spend the night at my house: you'll be sleeping on my futon in the loungeroom which you'll have to share with the cat. Actually, the cat will be sharing with you seeing as she was there first. That is, of course, unless you're spending the night in my room ;D.
34) I’d stop my wedding: only for the most dire of situations, like a death in the family or a bad hair day.
35) The world could do without: John Laws. He wouldn't be missed at all.
36) I’d rather lick the belly of a cockroach than: it's backside.
37) My favorite blonde is: a great title for a movie. Oh wait, they made one called that, didn't they!
38) Paper clips are more useful than: most people give them credit for. For example, you can heat up the end of one after you've unbent it and use it to burn a hole through your smashed toenail to release the pressure. There will be blood and gore, but all good things come at a price.
39) If I do anything well, it’s: usually a big surprise to all around me.
40) And by the way: if you're driving behind me and I'm going the speed limit, I'm not going to go any faster just because you're sitting on my tail. In fact, I might just put on the brakes and give you a scare.

Avon calling...

2006-06-22T16:56:00.000+09:30

... I must confess I had a bit of a giggle this morning when I was reading over the comments I got from yesterday's entry. I guess it comes as a bit of a surprise at times that I'm actually on the other side of the planet than most of you. Yep, I'm a ... (insert ominous music here) ... southern hemispherite!!!

I suppose it's understandable, there's really not that many inhabited places below the equator, and not all of them are english speaking. Compare it to the whopping lot of people in the northern hemisphere and it really does make us look like a one horse town. Actually, why are there so many of you? Is your television broken? Have you no self control?

But truth be told I don't think things here are that different to how they are in your neck of the woods. I mean sure, the water DOES revolve the other way when you flush the toilet, and yes we DO spend Christmas day trying to not die of heat exhaustion, but other than that it's pretty much the same.

**********

I discovered something about myself this morning. When I let C, our friendly office Avon Lady, into the building, my heart began to race with the thought that she might have got the new Avon specials brochure. Yep, I think I'm becoming an Avon addict.

"Hi my name is Kelstar, and I'm an Avon addict. It's been four days since my last purchase and I knew I'd reached rock bottom when I found myself sorting my lip glosses at 4am."

It's just that the specials are all so cheap! I can spend ten dollars and end up with a lip gloss, an eyebrow pencil, a bottle of nail polish, a tube of hand cream, and a costume jewellry ring. How can you not like value for money like that?

I now have a whole drawer in my bathroom dedicated to my Avon purchases. My hair de-frizzer which works better than any other de-frizzer I've ever used. My face mask which removes dirt I didn't even know was there and leaves my face looking all shiny and fresh. My lavendar hand lotion that's got little silver sparkles in it and makes my hands all silvery.

I know, I'm such a girl...

Shortest day of the year...

2006-06-21T19:55:00.000+09:30

... Happy Winter Solstice everyone! Yep, it's the shortest day of the year, made very evident by the fact that it's only quarter past five and it's already dark outside. Personally, I rather like the fact that it gets darker earlier. You've no idea what a relief it is that the sun isn't in my eyes when I'm driving home in the afternoons!

I wasn't sure what to do this evening. I normally like to do something, even if it's just solitary work. I could have gone to a meditation circle, or perhaps to one of the various group events that are always happening on the Sabbats and Esbats. I could have even gone to the community garden over Wilston way where they always celebrate with a bonfire and an all you can eat feast made completely of things they grow themselves. In the end, though, I've succumbed to a combination of cold weather and general laziness.

I've decided to celebrate the Solstice not with the naked frolicking that SP suggested as I was leaving work today, but by rugging up in my warmest jammies and dressing gown and gloating over a nice big bowl of hot chocolate. Maybe it's not very traditional or spiritual, but it's what I feel like at the moment. Besides, naked frolicking in the middle of winter? I honestly don't know where SP gets his ideas about Paganism!

You know what i'd love to do though? I'd love to go to Stonehenge for Winter Solstice.

I know, Winter Solstice is in December in the Northern Hemisphere, not in June, but you know what I mean. There's just something about the idea that I find enthralling. Traipsing out there in the early hours of the morn to watch as the sun comes up through the stones. I'm sure it'd be absolutely freezing in a way that no Queenslander could ever really understand, but I've no doubt it'd be worth it.

I suppose it is a bit trite, kind of like going to Salem when you go to America, but what can I say. I'm a sucker for that sort of thing...

On this site in 1875...

2006-06-19T18:51:00.000+09:30

... My next door neighbour came over to me all excited this evening, saying that she'd found something in our front yard. You see, the fibro shack is a duplex, so NDN and I share a large ... I guess you'd call it a gully ... in front and a nice broad verandah out back. I know that with some people it'd be intolerable, but NDN is a lovely person, definitely one of the better neighbours I've had, so we seem to muddle along okay in such close quarters.

But back to the story, she came over all excited saying that she'd found something in the yard that had obviously been uncovered when the gardeners had cleaned out all the overgrown scrub. I knew they were coming because the landlady had told me, but I have to confess I had no idea just how overgrown all those chinese elms were until they were gone. And don't even get me STARTED on the bromiliad patch from hell!

So she drags me out the front and gestures to a plaque set against a part of the garden wall that had been covered up until now.

Poor dear, I had to break it to her that it wasn't anything important. In fact, it was actually something I'd found at the markets earlier this morning and it tickled my fancy so much I bought it and put it in the garden myself. English isn't her first language, so I guess she didn't really get the joke.

Scrapbooking is the new black...

2006-06-14T21:49:00.000+09:30

... I do so love a booksale, so I was surprised to realise that I only went tot he Lifeline Bookfest once this weekend. Saturday was a washout after I slept through the alarm and realised when I finally did get up that there wouldn't be any parking spots left. Sunday was spent with the parents, so that only left Monday (a public holiday) for book fondling.

When I got in there though I must admit I was a bit disappointed with the unpriced section. They obviously hadn't bothered to restock in there. The Priced lot were all crammed full, so I suppose they thought that their priority was there. I did the unpriced section over thoroughly, because that's where you find the best deals, but I only came away with four books from in there.

In the priced section however I managed to find about a dozen I wanted, so it wasn't a complete washout. I even bought the nattiest little copy of "The Communist Manifest" by Karl Marx for fifty cents. I love it when you find something interesting like that.

Of course, I'm really only in it for the final day "fill a bag for five dollars" frenzy. You KNOW I'll be standing in line on Saturday with a fist full of plastic bags and a s$#t eating grin on my face. That'll be where I bring down the per book price from Monday's purchases.

I did see the funniest thing there though. While I was waiting for the doors to open, indulging in a bottle of Diet Coke, I watched as two extremely gothic looking people came into the complex. Black clothes, black hair, pale skin, extreme eye makeup, they were the stereotypical goths. Fair enough, I thought, these booksales tend to draw all kinds. After all, everyone loves cheap books.

But then they kept walking, right on past the doors to the bookfest and to the next convention room ... where they were holding the Annual Scrapbooker's Convention! I couldn't believe it, they were actually going into the scrapbooking show!

I guess it's true then, scrapbooking IS the new black...

A little too friendly...

2006-06-12T14:48:00.000+09:30

... I think the following conversation, which occurred at a surprise party that T held for B last night, shows you just how well my friends and I know each other. A little TOO well, I think you'll agree.

Me: So, when are they supposed to get here?
KS: Around eight thirty, I think.
J: I hope they hurry up, it's starting to rain. Oh look, T's left some laundry out on the line! Should we go bring it in for him?
K: I don't now about you, but I'm not in any rush to go muck about with T's undies.
Me: Huh, you know, I think I actually recognise every single pair of those underpants. T must have worn them all during a cocktail party.
J: And we all know that at SOME point during a cocktail party T's pants are going to come off.
Me: (giggling) And sometimes the underpants too. Remember that photo?
KS: Yep, and now I'm scarred for life.
K: My god! Doesn't he ever buy any new underwear?
KS: What makes you say that?
K: Because I recognise them all too ... and I haven't been to a cocktail party in almost three years!
All: Ohhh...
Me: Do you think perhaps we know each other a little TOO well?
J: Just catching on now, are you...

Bookfest again...

2006-06-06T14:46:00.000+09:30

... I'm very excied! Oh yes, it's that time of year again, the time where I get up at some ridiculous hour of the morning on a Saturday and drag myself out to South BrisVegas so I can be one of the first through the doors at the Lifeline Bookfest!

I suppose this means I'll have to rearrange my bookshelves again though. Last time I went I ended up having to take everything off all three cases and resort them all into some sort of order. You'd think it'd be a simple thing for someone who works in a library, but it's at times like that you really appreciate spine labels.

Still, with any luck I'll be able to add a few more bits and pieces to my "literature and classics" selection, which was one of the worst hit with the whole "Internet Bookstore" idea. Sure it was a success and I sold plenty of books, but towards the end it was getting to a point where I wasn't distinguishing between my own stuff and the stuff I was selling. Pretty much anything went up on the auction site if I thought it'd draw buyers. To this day I still regret selling my early edition Little Lord Fauntleroy.

But slowly I'm rebuilding, and soon it'll be back to it's former glory. I'll have to remember to write up a list of what I do and don't have though, so I don't double up again. If I remember correctly, after the last lifeline bookfest I ended up with two copies each of "A Room With a View", "Mill On The Floss" and "Pride and Prejudice". Of course, you can never have too many copies of "Pride and Prejudice", but it still seems silly that I'm buying dupicates without even realising it.

**********

Well the news has finally been passed on and we were told this week who got the jobs that were up for grabs here at the library. It was always going to be a bad end result, what with there being twice as many people up for them as there were positions, and we all knew that meant that half of those people would have to leave at the end of the month when their contracts ran out.

But I don't think I quite expected the sheer volume of fury that it'd create. I've had people coming up to me all week long asking me what I think, telling me how THEY think the whole thing is disgraceful, and then expecting me to agree. Well, I do think it's sad. Some of the people who didn't get renewed were friends. But even so, I can't really get ANGRY at the library for it.
After all, those positions don't really exist. They were on contracts, contracts that run out at the end of the month. It's horrible and sad, but it's not exactly anyone's fault. The fact is, there were only so many positions and there were too many potentials to fill them.

But when I say that to people who ask my opinion, they look at me like I betrayed them or something! I guess I can see that they're angry, and with any organisation there's bound to be a certain amount of "Us and Them", but at the end of the day I honestly don't think that anything wrong was done.

Maybe it's because I work in finance, and I get to see how things are set out. I get to see them setting up the budgets, working out the salaries, squeezing and stretching every dollar in every department to make it work and still knowing that it doesn't quite cover what they'll need. I suppose when I see that, it's hard for me to believe that the library should be obligated to keep everyone on even when their contract's up and they don't have the money for it.

Of course, it's possible I'd feel differently if I was one of those casuals...

A trivial pursuit...

2006-06-03T14:43:00.000+09:30

... So we eventually did go to trivia night at the pub. It ended up just being J, S, K and myself, seeing as T had a play to go to and both B and KS decided not to go. Four's not such a bad number, but the full compliment would have been better. We especially missed T. That boy know's more about eighties music and movie trivia than anyone else I've ever met!

As it turned out there was around five teams playing ... and we most certainly did NOT get a spot in the winning lineup. QUITE the blow to our fragile little egos, let me tell you. Still, we only lost by a point or two, and most of the teams were within a few points of each other, so it's easer to tell ourselves that it was simply bad luck. And we honestly did meditate over a few of the answers but ended up choosing the wrong one.

Here's a few things we learnt the hard way.

Buddah has more statues than Jesus
Chickens are the most common type of livestock, not sheep
The most popular phobia in the world is a fear of spiders, not a fear of heights
A group of gorillas is called a band, not a clan
Absolutely NONE of us know anything about sports or sporting trivia

But even though we didn't do quite as well as we'd hoped, we all had a good time. The others all said they'd like to go back again at some point but with the whole group. Sounds like a good idea to me, with things like that you have a better chance of winnning with more people. What we've really got to find though is someone who knows about sports. We only got three out of the ten questions in the sporting category right. Well seriously, how are we supposed to know who coached the Australian soccer team in 1974? We weren't even born in 1974!

I hope we end up going again. I've missed trivia...

One million blogs...

2006-05-30T14:41:00.000+09:30

... Hey, have any of you guys seen this before? It's a pretty clever idea, isn't it!

Think about it, a dollar a spot, for a million spots, that's a million dollars. Even if he redistributes half of it, he's still got a cool half million left in his pocket. It's certainly an interesting way of going about it, I don't think I've ever seen it done before.

And because I can't be left out of anything, I've bought my square. Only one, mind you. I'm not made of money. But I want my shot at a share just as much as the next blogger....

My least favourite mountain...

2006-05-27T14:39:00.000+09:30

... Has anyone else read about this lately? I've got to say, sometimes I'm stunned by the callousness of human beings. If that's the sort of attitude you've got to have to be able to make it to the top of Mt Everest, then I'm proud to say I'll never do it.

I can't even fathom the idea! Just letting some poor bloke die, all alone on the side of the mountain, because you want to get to the top. I know they couldn't save him, and I'm sure staying with him or bringing him down again would have effectively forfeited their chances of getting to the top, but can anyone really question whether it would have been the right thing to do?

I think that's what scares me the most, the fact that these people climbing up that mountain, they actually thought getting to the top was more important than helping a dying man. Even if all they could have done was be with him when he finally died, surely that would have been worth the sacrifice.

If it was a friend or family member of mine, I'd like to think that someone would be willing to stay with them and try to help them in any way they could, rather than saying to themselves there's nothing they could do and walking away. Think of it from that poor guy's perspective, watching as group after group just walked by, none of them with any intention of staying and helping him. To have to spend your last few hours like that must have been torturous.

I think it's safe to say that Mt Everest is now my least favourite mountain. If that's what it does to people, makes them care more about winning than helping a dying man, then I don't want anything to do with it...

Origin losses and Sizzler Salad Bar...

2006-05-26T14:33:00.000+09:30

... So last night was the State of Origin, and in an attempt to NOT have to listen to all the neighbours yelling, screaming and booing at their television screens, I opted to go out to dinner with friends. You don't know what the State of Origin is? Well, think of the Australian version of the Superbowl, except it's played as a "two out of three wins" over a couple of months and it's more of an English rugby game than an American football one. Lets just say that those who are sportingly inclined tend to get rather worked up about the whole thing.

Take work yesterday. We were all informed by S that we had to wear maroon (the Queensland colour), and that we were having a morning tea to "wish the team a good game". Not that it worked, given that they lost by one point (or so cute guy told me at the cafe this morning) in the last few minutes of the game. I'm sure the guys at work will be just DELIGHTFUL to be around this morning.

But anyway, back to dinner! So we all decided to go to dinner, ostensibly to celebrate my twenty eleventh birthday, but I think it was just as much to try and avoid the Origin fever that was bound to take over anywhere beer was served. And that, my friends is how we found ourselves sitting around in a suburban Sizzler, discussing dirty video clips that get passed on via e-mail and how it's alway guys who send and receive them, never women (don't even ask how that came up in the conversation, I couldn't tell you and I'm fairly sure the others couldn't either).

We thought it was rather brave of us to face Sizzler again after what happened earlier in the year. Lots of jokes were traded about whether the pasta salad had a strange taste and whether the guy guarding the salad bar (who looked about 15 years old, by the way), would crash tackle us if we tried to empty a sashet of Sweet'n'Low into the tomatoes. We didn't test the theory, but it was fun to imagine anyway.

I was a bit out of sorts, unfortunately. Just one of those phases of exhaustion meets stress, resulting in one rather quiet and not a little cranky Kelstar. But even just sitting there and being cranky with my friends is worth it. There's nothing like T's gutter talk to cheer a girl up, and B, rather than being a discouraging wife, just eggs him one.

It looks like most of us are still going to go to Trivia next week, so that should be fun. I'll just have to hope I won't be quite so stressed so I can enjoy it properly. Work is being a right bastard at the moment, with everyone getting completely stressed out. J asked me the other day why it was so busy when there's a whole month before the end of financial year. When I listed all the things we still had to do before that date, I realised it was no wonder we were all walking around with perpetual frowns.

Oh well, it can't last forever. Either it settles down, or I readopt that whole "move to Nimbin and become a hippie" plan. Yeah, it's looking better and better...

Early Morning Antics...

2006-05-25T14:30:00.000+09:30

... Four days and counting until I hit twenty eleven! Huh, that came around quickly, didn't it. One minute it's Christmas, the next new years, then suddenly it's Easter and my birthday's right around the corner. Is it just me, or is time going more quickly than it used to?

Some people tell me it has to do with getting older, so I'm going to arbitrarily blame the dreaded thirties. Just like I blame them for the bits of skin on my eyelids that don't quite pop back into place when you pinch them anymore, the vast expanses of calf that when pressed with a finger bear a remarkable resemblance to a map of the BrisVegas train system, and the little od hair on my chin which I prefer to think of as eyelashes that got lost on their way home. Some people would say that a little eye cream, moisturiser and electrolysis would fix all that. My reply ... SHUT UP PEOPLE!

But the one thing I've found about getting older is that you just don't get the "tingles" as often as you did when you were still young and foolish enough to believe in things like true love, love at first sight, soulmates, etc. Note, I said not as often, thus the topic of this entry. You see, for the first time in a long time, I've been having those "tingles".

And in true adolescent tradition, the tingles are for someone I barely know, have only seen for around three minutes at a time, and whose name I couldn't even guess. Now THERE'S some teen angst for you!

You see, there's a coffee shop I like to go to some mornings to get breakfast. It's cheap, the owner is friendly and knows me by name, and it's conveniently located right next door to my office. But in the last week or so, whenever I've been in there getting my toasted sandwich another customer has been there too. A very cute customer. With an american accent. And a nice smile. And I'm sounding like that teenager again, aren't I.

I don't even know his name, there's really no reason I should. We have that sort of aquaintance where we will smile and say good morning, and we will have a conversation, but it's generally limited to things in our immediate view. And I tend to spend a lot of time agreeing. For example, here's an approximation of our conversation from this morning.

Cute Guy: Good morning.
Me: Hi!
CG: Nice weather, isn't it.
Me: Uh huh.
CG: Bit colder than normal, but it's a nice change.
Me: (smiling) Yep.
CG: I wouldn't want to be those guys out on the bikes.
*Gestures to bike riders passing*
Me: (giggles) Me either, they must be freezing.
CG: Oh look! That dog's out again! (nb. "that dog" escapes from it's yard every morning)
Me: Oh yeah, poor thing! I hope he doesn't run onto the road.
CG: He seems to know what he's doing. Must live around here.
Me: Probably.
*Girl behind counter hands him his breakfast*
CG: Well, I'll see you later.
Me: Yep, see you next time.
*CG leaves*
Coffee Shop Owner: Smooth, Kel, very smooth.
Me: Oh, shut up!

Well, I guess it's nice to know that whether I'm 13 or 30, I still have the ability to act like a babbling mess around a guy I'm attracted to...

Leonardo's got a lot to answer for...

2006-05-23T14:27:00.000+09:30

... Okay, I know it's hardly an original topic, but I figured everyone else has had a shot at it so it's my turn. With regards to The DaVinci Code, it's relevance, it's morals, it's threat to christianity, it's value as a conspiracy theory, I've just got to say ... I'm sorry, but I can't muster up enough enthusiasm to even give a damn.

Okay, lets get this all out on the table from the get go, shall we? The book was NOT very good! Sure the storyline was interesting, but the writing was enough to make an illiterate octogenarian cringe! To be quite frank with you all, I don't have the faintest idea how it got so popular. I thought the general public had more discerning tastes than that, but obviously I was mistaken.

With regards to the movie, I haven't seen it yet so I couldn't comment. Perhaps it's great. Perhaps it's crap. Perhaps Tom Hanks should have called it a day with You've Got Mail. Perhaps Ron Howard needs a serious reality check. Perhaps everyone just needs a cool refreshing glass of SHUT THE HELL UP ABOUT THE DAMNED MOVIE ALREADY!!!

I'd be quite happy to let it have it's run and then sink into movie obsurity along with the countless other "blockbusters" that Hollywood cranks out each year, but now I'm being subjected to arguement after arguement about whether it was true, could it have been true, if it was true then did that mean Jesus did the dirty deed, and if he did then what does that mean.

You know, I get it, some people are offended by the film. Fair enough, everyone's entitled to their own opinion. But then again I was offended by Jackass, but I didn't think that gave me the right to want to censor it!

You know what guys? Who gives a rats! I mean seriously, it's a work of fiction! No one's claiming that it's real. No one's claiming that any of it ever happened. It's just a damned book. All this controversy would be like people getting worked up because they thought The Matrix might be real! Or that The Terminator might have a basis in fact that'll rock our world view! Or that the Titanic really did sin ... oh yeah, that one did happen, didn't it. But the point is, it's a story!

I suppose the end result is we should be congratulating Ron Howard. All the controversy has publicised this movie better than any amount of advertising ever could. Well that's nice, a few more millions for him I guess...

Lazy Sunday...

2006-05-22T13:49:00.000+09:30

... Don't you just love Sundays? The lazing around, no obligations or responsibilities. Being free to sit in your dressing gown for hours after you would have been up, dressed, and off to work on a week day. It's funny, but it's almost like for one day out of the week you genuinely forget about the clock. Every other day you live by the damned thing, but Sunday's are timeless because you hardly ever plan anything on them that requires you to be checkiing what time it is.

Of course, it could be I'm waxing poetical about them because I also have Monday off this week, so I'm not thinking of it with the shadow of "Damn, I've got to go to work tomorrow".

Don't you just love subjectiveness?

**********

You know I'm starting to get more worried about Bella the Neurotic Cockatiel. She's getting more and more unpredictable as time goes on. I'm guessing she has the birdie equivilant of dementia, and she was never the sanest of birds, but it's gotten much worse lately.

She still comes out every morning to sit on her stand in front of the mirror and goes back into her cage to sleep at nights, but now you never know whether she'll jump on your finger and demand a scratch behind the ear or bombdive you as soon as you enter the room. There's just no logic behind what she does anymore.

It used to be if she was acting strange, there was always at least a semi-sensible reason for it, but now it's completely random. I'm starting to think I'll eventually have to stop taking her out of the cage at all. It's a shame, but if I can't be sure she'll jump on my finger to go back in again, then I can't let her out.

It's making me feel like a guilty bird Mum though.

**********

I'm currently having a massive denial fit. Oh yeah, on the denial metre, where 1 is a little and 10 is a lot, I'm currenty around the 47 mark. And what about, you ask? Laundry!

Oh, not the every day clothes laundry, that gets done just fine, I'm just falling a little behind in my linen washing. And by a little, I mean two weeks. That's four sets of sheets, people! No small task when you look at it like that!

You see every three days or so I change the sheets on my bed and the towels in the bathroom, and put the dirty ones in the laundry basket, the idea being I'll wash them all either when I get the chance, or in one lot on the weekend. But I didn't do them last weekend, so here I am with a pile of linen that looks like the leaning tower of Piza and the anticipation of at least half a days work ahead of me.

Perhaps I should just toss it all in the boot of the car and take it down to the laundromat. Giant washing machines, industrial strength driers, three year old gossip magazines, who doesn't love that? But you see that would involve me actually getting dressed, so I don't see that happening in the very near future.

And this, my friends, is why you should only ever own two sets of sheets. That way you'll be forced to wash them as you take them off...

Children's Literature: Kelstar's must read list...

2006-05-21T13:46:00.000+09:30

... I know I've mentioned it before, but I'm a huge fan of children's literature. There's just something about it, the innocnece and the purity of the writing I suppose, that appeals to me. Of course, it could be because I look at it through the rose coloured glasses of someone who used to go to bed early in order to finish that story book rather than staying up and watching TV, but I like to think that it's more than that.

So, I thought for today's entry, gentle reader, I'd do a quick rundown of the childrens' books that were the most influential for me and explain to you why. Some of them are well known favourites, others were gems I happened upon completely by accident, but they're all books that helped make me who I am today and for that I'm grateful.

The Narnia Books: I still remember being about 9 years old and listening as my teacher read out "A Horse and His Boy" to us during story time. He was nice enough to lend me a copy of one of the others, I think it was "Prince Caspian", and from that point on I was hooked. I read all seven in short order and they were cemented forever in my favourites list. I know I'm not exactly alone in this (as the billion dollar movie proves) but it's something that needs to be clarified. The movie was brilliant, and I loved the special effects and the way they'd put a lot of thought into the reasons behind the actions, but it's no substitute for the books themselves. I think when I read these books it was the first time I fully considered the idea of other worlds. Of things being completely different, yet strangely familiar. It was a great one from a moral perspective, it taught tolerance and love for everyone and doing what you know is right, but I think it's the fluidity of reality that I loved about it best. Unfortunately, I've been told by a few of the people I've lent them to that reading them for the first time as an adult doesn't have quite the same impact. I guess it's a kid thing.

What Katy Did: I'm guessing that most people overlook this one nowdays. It probably seems incredibly old fashioned, but I think it's possibly one of the most timeless portrayals of a 12 year old girl you'll ever read. Katy IS every pre-teen I've ever met, and also the one I was. She's selfish, but she knows it and tries to think of others. She's thoughtless, but she's truely sorry when things go bad. She wants to be a better person, a great person, but she's just not quite sure how to go about it. There was something in that character I really related to and we bonded in that first book. It was enough to send me scouring the libraries for the other four in the series, three of which I found relatively easily but the last was ridiculously hard to come by. I finally found a kind woman who e-mailed me an e-copy so I could AT LAST find out what happened to them all in the end. If any of you out there are Katy fans and haven't read the last one yet (called In The High Valley), feel free to ask and I'll send you a copy.

Mary Poppins: Ah, this was definitely my favourite out of all those "whimsical" kids books. I know my father is more of a Peter Pan buff, but I loved Mary Poppins from day dot. And I don't mean that sacchrine sweet, peaches and cream Walt Disney version either. No offence to Julie Andrew or anything, but that movie really wasn't in the spirit of the books. In them Mary was plain, unremarkable, but still saw herself as an important person, and because she saw herself as that, she was. Now THERE'S an example of self confidence for you. Of course, the most important part of the Mary Poppins stories was the magic. When I read this, it was the first time I'd read a book where magic was considered to be ... normal. It was just the way things were. A tea party on the ceiling? A zoo full of human beings in cages? A little old lady who glues the stars into the skies? They were all treated as completely normal, almost pedestrian, and I really do think that helped me to develop my imagination. By being made to accept those things as possible, I was able to accept other things too. From then on, anything was fair game.

Swiss Family Robinson: This was one of the "boy" books, so I'm really quite surprised I ever got around to reading it. I did favour the girls stories, I confess. But however it happened, I did read Swiss Family Robinson and I'm glad I did. This is the book that, if I'm ever stuck on a deserted tropical island, I want it with me. It was like a 'how to" of living on a deserted island. Want to build a house? Erect a bridge? Make a boat? This book almost gave you blow by blow instructions, that's how detailed it was. The characterisation wasn't really of the same standard as some of the other books I'd read, but the content more than made up for it I thought. This was the book that taught me boys books could be just as valid and have just as much to offer.

Chalet School Series: I'm giving my final spot the a series of books, rather than an individual title. Anyone who's read the Chalet books will know exactly what I'm talking about when I say they're a must read. They're formulaic, the writing leans a little towards repetitive and the storylines can be quite ludicrous, but they still remain the most popular girls boarding school books ever. There were around 60 of them in all, written between the early 30's up to the late 60's or early 70's, and once you start reading them it's difficult to stop. Think of Babysitters Club or Saddle Club, but written 70 years ago. I think the thing that makes them so popular is the wonderfully created characters and the ongoing storyline. The characters are just what you want in a story like this, some are nice, some are friendly, some are flawed be redeamable. They all compliment each other so well that it helps you to overlook any of the flaws in the writing. You genuinely care about these people. And the continuing storyline doesn't hurt either. If you cared about one girl, then imagine getting to read about her daughters and granddaughters, all going to the same school she attended. I highly recommend these books, if for no other reason than it's a wonderful little glimpse at a life that most of us never experienced.

I could go on forever, but these are five of my favourites and I can highly recommend any of them. Each leant a little bit to who I became and for that I thank them...

Blog Marketing: An Adventure...

2006-05-20T13:43:00.000+09:30

... I don't think I was cut out to be a columnist. Cause that's what these things are, right? Pseudo newspaper columns where we spill our guts to an unseen and unnamed public? We write. We hypothesise. We wax poetical, hypothetical, and manaical. It's kind of like being Carrie Bradshaw ... but without the cool New York apartment or the six figure income.

But accepting reality, admitting that a hit count of around a hundred a day propbably isn't going to bring the column offers streaming in, I decided that it was time to accept my fate. I sat down, took a good hard look at myself and admitted it. I have a blog! Yes, a blog, and I need to do whatever is neccessary to make it the best damned blog out there! It's going to be tough, it's going to require sacrifices, but I think I'm up to the challenge.

And that stream of thoughts, my friends, is what has led me on my latest little obscessive/compulsive jaunt. Once I decided that I had to make this "The Blog to End All Blogs", I found myself scouring the internet, trying to work out just HOW one can market their literary baby and bring it to the public's attention.

Turns out there's a whole host of possibilities, some more time consuming than others. I haven't been doing them long enough to determine whether they'll make a difference to my hit count, but I thought you all might be interested anyway.

So, without further ado, EVERYTHING KELSTAR WANTED TO KNOW ABOUT BLOG MARKETING, BUT WAS AFRAID TO ASK!

My first stop ended up being blog lists and search engines. There are literally HUNDREDS of them out there. I've got to say, I'm not sure how effective they'll be in bringing more people here, but it's free to sign up so I went ahead and did it anyway. Do a google search for "blog directory" and you'll get more possibilities than you'll ever be able to take advantage of.

One slight variation on that whole "blog list" theme was a site called blogexplosion.com. It's put a bit of a spin on the whole thing, allowing you to bring traffic to your site by you going to other people's sites. You earn half a credit each time you visit another site, and one credit will equate to one visit to your site. Or you can "purchase" banner ads on their site for 36 ads per credit. Again, probably not the perfect solution, but at least they're offering you a definite number of visitors.

I tried reciprocal banner ads for a while, but that didn't pan out. Out of the thousand odd banners of mine that apparently got shown, I only got one click through. Of course, it's one of those things you can set up and then leave running without maintaining it, so maybe you'll want to do it anyway. Horses for courses.

One of the cute little things I found is from a site called blogrolling.com. Basically it's a way of putting links to all your favourite blogs onto your site, and they maintain the list. They even give you a little button that you put in your menu bar and when you find a blog you like, you just press the button and it adds it automatically to your list. Very clever, I must say! And it gives you the potential of reciprocal links if the people you've linked to see and decide to return the favour.

Finally, I read something somewhere that said you should always put your blog address on your outgoing emails, especially the funny joke ones. Makes sense I suppose, those things can end up in the inboxes of thousands of people by the time they've been forwarded on. It's something to think about, at least.

So that's what I've learnt so far. Not much, I know, and I'm sure there are still oodles of things that I'll come across as time goes on. If any of you guys know a cool little trick or a snazzy secret, do tell! Of course, that's assuming this O/D fit doesn't wear off before then. Still, what can it hurt?

Petrol prices and long weekends...

2006-05-19T13:33:00.000+09:30

... I can't believe the price of petrol lately! I actually paid $1.35 a litre last night. Utterly ridiculous! That's about 20 cents more than I pay for milk. The difference is I don't buy 80 litres of milk a month.

It's funny to think it was half that only a few years ago. Pretty soon I'm going to have to start thinking about selling the car and buying a horse and buggy. Cars are so expensive to run these days. Once you add up petrol, insurance, maintenance, parking, registration and even loan repayments, you can't help wondering if it's worth it.

Surely it can't cost that much to feed one measly horse. I could keep him in the carport, and he could stay in my parking spot at work during the day. I'm sure I could let him graze on the grass in the backyard (it could use a bit of a mow) and perhaps on my leftover carrots. Horses like carrots, right?

**********

I'm SO needing a break right now, so it's with the greatest joy in the world that I announce (insert fanfare here) ... I'M HAVING A FOUR DAY WEEKEND!!!

As it turns out, I've got quite a lot of flex time up and if I don't take some, I'll soon start to lose it. Add to that the fact that this might be the last chance I get to have a few days off before the end of financial year deluge, and I decided that I should use up some of those flex hours.

You see, in a few weeks time my workplace, or to be more specific, my department, will start to change from the funloving, easygoing bunch they currently are to a mob of mumbling, manic accountants with a tendency to profanity and random violence. It happens every year at this time, just par for the course when you're working in a financial department.

So I'm looking at this weekend as my last stop before crazy town. I'm not sure what I'm going to do with it, and honestly I'll probably end up wasting it, but I personally think it's a valid life choice...

Aliens and freemasons...

2006-05-18T13:30:00.000+09:30

... Did you know it's possible for women to become freemasons? Well it is, has been for almost 100 years. They have their own lodges of course (can't have the womenfolk and the menfolk cohorting now, can we), but they follow the same traditions and even call each other "him" and "he". And here I always thought it was only men who could join up! Damned secret freemasons, I wonder what else they've been keeping from us.

**********

Things at work are a bit depressing at the moment. Everywhere you look there are people walking around like they've just been diagnosed with cancer of the puppy (blatant buffyism). I'm guessing it's got something to do with all the "Expressions of Interest" invitations that got e-mailed around this morning.

Long story short, anyone who is temporarily employed has to reapply for their position. Which, of course, opens up the possibility that they won't get it. I'm sure the odds are better than they think, and they're only asking for internal aplicants so theoretically the positions versus people ratio should stay the same, but I can understand why they're all walking around with faces like a wet week.

I must admit I'm glad I'm a permanent. I wouldn't be a temp for quids.

**********

Apparently we had our own little UFO event here in Australia last night. Lots of people saw something green and glowing in the sky, something that later crashed in rural Queensland. Hmm, alien invasion, anyone?

Of course, the official story is that it was a meteorite, but then they have to say something like that, don't they. Wouldn't want to get everyone all up in arms about the little green men who crash landed in someone's sugar cane field. It's Area 51 all over again, people!

Next thing you know our little state will be famous for alien sightings. You'll be able to go visit the site, get your photo taken with "Ally the Alien", and buy the t-shirt to take home. Ah, the merchandising potential...

Owie...

2006-05-17T13:26:00.000+09:30

... My foot hurts. It's my own damned fault, of course, but I'll be buggered if that'll stop me from whinging. I embrace my goddess given right to whinge like a ... well, a whinger, I suppose.
It was a stupid thing to do though. I know that. I was thinking that while I was jumping around my kitchen, left foot in one hand trying to remove the piece of glass, right foot tilted to the side trying to stop the flow of blood that was creeping ever closer to my kitchen lino. Ah, the things I do to amuse the neighbours.

Do you remember me telling you all the other day how Gypsy had smashed my glass bowl full of polished stones on the kitchen floor? I thought I got all the glass shards up that night, first with the broom and then with the vaccuum cleaner. Turns out my confidence was misplaced. It seems I got all the shards up, bar one. And that one somehow ended up stuck in my left big toe while I was making green thai curry for dinner.

Not that I felt it or anything. I guess I must be tougher than I thought. I just felt like I'd stepped on somthing and it was stuck TO my toe, rather than in it, so I did what I always do in those situations ... I rubbed it against my other foot to knock it off.

An excellent procedure if you've got rice or possibly a chick pea stuck to your toe, but not so successful when it's a piece of glass. This time I was left in no doubt about what was in there. And when I looked down, I could see the glass poking out of my toe, and the blood already dripping down the side of my other foot.

It was a rather hectic few minutes, while I jumped around trying to dislodge the glass, put something over the cut and stop the cat from attacking me (she thought we were playing a game), but eventually I got it all sorted out. The cuts were shallow, but they bled like buggers. But it wasn't long before even that was over and I could see what pathetically tiny cuts they really were. Honestly, if I'm going to go through something like that, I want some nice big gashes I can show off to people!

I suppose that'll teach me though. I need to sweep the floor better ... or perhaps wear shoes when I'm in the kitchen...

Very fishy...

2006-05-16T13:22:00.000+09:30

... Well, in approximately two weeks I'll be turning twenty eleven. Hmm, I don't FEEL old, but it certainly sound like I am, doesn't it. Of course, when I say things like that in the office I just get laughed at. There's only one person here in my unit younger than me, so they just think I'm a drama queen.

Of course, I AM a drama queen, but that's hardly the point.

**********

I'm seriously contemplating buying a new siamese fighting fish for my desk at work. I know I haven't had the best of luck in the past with the little critters, but I thought it might be time to try again. C gave me an early birthday present, a small tank shaped like a fish, so I'm choosing to take that as a sign.

Of course my fellow minions ... I mean co-workers ... aren't so sure I should go down that path again. Here's the conversation we had when I told them what I was thinking of.

Me: You know, guys, I think I'll get another fighting fish.
L: Oh god, no!
Me: Why not?
SP: Come on, you've hardly got a sterling record when it comes to those thing.
Me: What do you mean? Snitchy S Snitchington lived for almost two years! That's a pretty good lifespan for a goldfish.
L: Yeah, but what about the next one? It lasted, what, two months?
SP: And the one after that was a couple of weeks, wasn't it?
Me: Well I hardly think that...
L: And the one after that was dead before the weekend, if I remember correctly.
Me: You can't blame me for that one, it must have been sick when I bought...
SP: And the deaths are always so dramatic.
L: Yeah, it's always hours, or even days, of that poor little fish lying on the bottom of the bowl, feebly waving a fin in the air and trying to catch the food granules as you throw them in there!
SP: It's like one of those Hallmark midday movies ... but with fish.
Me: Well I think you're both over reacting! I'm sure the fish will be fine, as long as I don't put it on the filing cabinet again. I think that was the problem last time, too much sun. Don't worry so much! It'll be great!
*Walks away*
L: Poor fishy.
SP: I know, it doesn't stand a chance.
Me: (from a distance) I heard that!

Judging books by their covers...

2006-05-16T13:17:00.000+09:30

... Have you seen the latest cool little site for bloggers? It's blogtastic, it's blogarific, iIt's blognificent ... okay, okay, I'll stop! But still, if you're a blogger you're always looking for something new and interesting to do with your site, this could kill some time for you. We've all done the games, pictures, links, anything to amuse the readers. But when I found this, I realised I was thinking too small.

Why be satisfied with simply having puny earthling readers on this planet (no offence), when I can broadcast into space and potentially have millions of alien fans across millions of star systems? Oh yeah, that's the ticket! Alien readership! I'll have that invading army built up before I know it and take over as High Overlord (Overlady?) of all I pervay with my alien minions as the brawn ... oh, perhaps I've said too much...

**********

I wrote an entry a few days ago about a book I bought from an op shop, and in the notes SIL asked if she could read it. Well, I thought, at least it'll take care of my moral dilemma! I'll post it to her (which I'm going to do later this week, SIL), and she can do whatever she pleases with it. Karmic slate wiped clean!

But it got me to thinking about all the ... shall we say unusual ... books I have in my small "occult" section of the bookcase. I guess I must be drawn to the unusual ones or something. I think it's got something to do with their covers. I'm a big fan of judging books by their covers. Here are a few of the more interesting ones.

"Coming Back: The Science of Reincarnation": Based on the teachings of some Swami with an unpronouncable name and claiming to be "the most comprehensive and easy to understand explanation of reincarnation ever published". I don't know, the kid on the cover scares me too much for me to take to it. Evil looking kid!

"The Outer Space Connection": On the cover it claims that it contains "astonishing new proof that we are not alone in the universe". It also has one of those Neil Armstrongesque spacemen on the cover with reflections of pyramids in his visor. Either they're doing the whole Egyptians came from outer space ala Stargate, or the poor guy crash landed in Cairo.

"In Search of Myths and Monsters": Now I quite enjoyed this book, but I'll be honest I bought it strictly for the picture of the Loch Ness Monster on the cover. It's that famous one, the one where it looks like an elephant's trunk sticking out of the water. Well, according to the book that's actually a legitimate theory. Apparently travelling circuses used to let their elephants go into the Lock to swim around. Huh, there ya go!

"A Witches Book of Ghosts and Exorcism": Now I've got to say I really did love this book, and I highly recommend it to anyone. I loaned it to SIL, but I believe it scared the willies out of her. I didn't find it that scary though, just more interesting than most of this sort of stuff. It, to quote, is an "account of their work showing how they released spirits from their earthbound homes ...This unique book gives much practical instruction and advice on how to cope with a haunting, and includes a detailed description of a full rite of exorcism". I thought that the personal experience was very compelling reading, and the stories were a mix of serious, amusing and downright scary. But of course it was the cover that drew me in, a freaky looking gothic castle. Oh, and the title. Is that not THE BEST title for a book...

Feeling lazy...

2006-05-13T13:09:00.000+09:30

... I should be going to the supermarket. I'm almost out of toilet paper, and I'll have to buy another box of washing powder if those sheets are going to get cleaned, but I'm just too damned lazy at the moment. I'm sitting here in my freezing fibro shack (it's not really freezing outside, but the shack tends to hold the temperature), all rugged up in my teddybear dressing gown and my stripey pink socks, trying to talk myself into having a shower and ... I don't know ... actually doing something CONSTRUCTIVE!

I could be mopping the floors, or doing the dishes that are currently sitting in the sink fermenting, but instead I'm seriously considering popping another DVD into the machine and watching an old 1950's film. I'm just feeling too apathetic to do anything of any value. I asked Gypsy if she'd push the vaccuum around the carpet for me, but she just meowed and started licking her tail. Primadonna.

Speaking of Gypsy, she had a fright the other night, and so did I. I was on the phone with KS when she (Gypsy, not KS) started to pull the tablecloth off the kitchen table. Not really a big issue, excpet for the fact that I keep a big glass bowl full of semi precious stones that my Opa polished for me on it. At least, I USED to keep a big glass bowl full of semi precious stones there. Now I have a plastic mixing bowl full of stones and a box full of glass shards. But on the positive side, it scared the bejezus out of Gypsy, so I don't think she'll be doing that again in a hurry.

KS thought it was hilarous though. Apparently the first thing out of my mouth after (from her perspective) the almighty crash was "Gypsy! Are you trying to get yourself killed!". She laughed for a good thirty seconds over that. Pretty ironic, huh, given that she talks in just the same way to her miniature pinscher.

Well, as the ever famous Rubeus Hagrid once said, people can be funny about their pets...

New library site...

2006-05-12T12:42:00.000+09:30

... Have I told you guys that my work is currently renovating our building? I guess it's less of a renovation and more of a complete overhaul of the structure. They're doubling the floor space, adding an extra level, and creating a courtyard out the front with shop spaces lining either side. Shoud be nice when they're finished, which according to the powers that be will likely be in October.

At the moment we're all working out of an office space a couple of kilometres down the road, just waiting to move back in. We've all been here for about two years now, so it'll be quite the culture shock when we finally get to haul all our crap back to the old location.

Well, not exactly back for me. I've never actually worked at the old State Library site. Before they all came over and moved in here, I worked with another department doing their finances. But with the changes the powers that be decided it was time to combine those services, so I found myself with a different boss, a different team, and a different job description. Not that I'm complaining, I enjoy what I'm doing now. It was just all so ... different.

So, when we move back again in a few months it'll be the first time I've worked over there. I'm looking forward to it for the most part. It'll be nice to be closer to the city, we'll be so close that you can just walk across the bridge and into the mall, but I'll miss West End I think. I've worked here for 11 years now.

But one of the things I'm NOT looking forward to is potentially having to deal with some of the clients. Not that I'm in an area that usually has anything to do with the public, but if you're in that building I suppose it's only natural that you're going to have to interact with them as some point in time. And don't get me wrong, I don't have a problem with the library clients, at least not with the usual ones. It's the "special cases" I'm talking about, and anyone who's ever worked in a large public library before will know exactly what I'm talking about.

I suppose it's only to be expected. Libraries are public spaces. They're open to anyone and everyone. They've got comfy couches and things to read and do. They're undercover and are usually airconditioned in Summer and heated in Winter. It's understandable that you're going to get a lot of homeless, mentally ill or just plain wacky people coming in.

And if you can believe the stories of some of my fellow employees, they tend to come in droves. The library is situated next to a public park which, I'm guessing mostly due to the location of the library, was the home of one of the largest groups of transients in BrisVegas. They'd camp out in the park and the at opening time, they'd file into the library and stake out a spot. Then they'd stay there pretty much until closing time.

Not that anyone had any problem with this. In the library world, a client is a client. But quite often these people would be mentally ill too, and that always resulted in difficulties for the staff. TR tells us stories all the time about fighting with the other staff on duty to see who'd have to go over and wake up the guy at the video carousel with his hand down his pants.

Just this morning an ex-employee, C, who was in visiting told me a story about how some old homeless guy insisted on seeing her supervisor, and then told him that she was a member of ASIO and stopping him from gaining employment. Apparently she was one of many ASIO memebers throughout BrisVegas (including his postman, his busdriver and the woman behind the sandwich counter), all working together to stop him from getting a job.

C's response when her boss told her about it was, "But ... I'm a grandmother! I can't be an ASIO agent and a grandmother too!"...

The fortune cookie knows all...

2006-05-12T12:40:00.000+09:30

Possible bomb at my old high school...

2006-05-11T12:38:00.000+09:30

... We're all a bit scatty here at work today, not very focused or paying much attention to our jobs, so it's really no surprise that when the radio newsreader said something about Ferny Grove State High, my old high school, we were all over it like whites on rice. We didn't hear much, but it was enough to work out that the school had been evacuated this morning.

Of course, when given the choice between doing my legitimate work or searching the web for news stories about what happened, I made the only choice possible. I hit google like a five bob whore.

This is what I found. Interesting, isn't it! This guy's been building bombs in his house! I guess the whole evacuating the school thingamie was a precautionary act. I can understand that, he wouldn't have been the first school teacher to go postal (excuse the mixed metaphors) and try to blow 'em all to kingdomcome.

Then again, who HASN'T casually daydreamed about blowing up their highschool! Of course it's usually the kids enrolled who do, and they don't normally have the means of creating multiple explosive devices. And aren't we all glad they don't! Teen angst, hormones and bombs just don't mix. And don't forget kiddies, friends don't let friends blow up schools.

According to the article the guy's 40 years old, not really old enough to have been around when I was attending. In fact, the only teachers who could now be 40 and were teaching when I was at school were both maths teachers, and both rather cute. I'd have hated to think that either one of them might have been a terrorist.

But just to make sure, I skedaddled over to P's desk to ask if she knew any more than I did. Her kids go there now, so I thought she'd probably at least know a name. And she did! It wasn't one I recognised, so that answers that question. It was a bit trippy though, knowing that several of my ex-classmates now teach there. They probably know the guy, work with him, possibly socialise with him. I wonder if any of them had any idea of what was going on behind closed doors...

St Claire and St Isadore

2006-05-11T12:35:00.000+09:30

... Dad called yesterday to let me know he's going to have to work on Mother's Day. Interesting development. Normally I'd expect to go over to their place for a barbeque or something to that effect (their choice, not mine), but if Dad's going to be out I'll probably ask Mum if she'd like to go to the movies.

I'm just not sure if there's anything on at the moment that would suit her tastes. She's pretty specific about what she likes in a movie. She slept through Harry Potter, ditto for Star Wars, so I guess that means Sci Fi and fantasy are out. She point blank refused to see Borne Supremacy, so that rules out action adventure too. I guess that leaves us with only one safe option. Romantic comedy.

I wonder if any are coming out this week.

**********

I had a funny little "incident" in a hippy drippy shop the other day. While I was happily browsing through the candles, crystals and other new age type stuff, I saw the woman behind the counter give me a smile. I knew what that smile meant, she'd seen my pentacle and it was the "pagan smile of silent solidarity".

Once I'd picked out the things I wanted I headed up to the counter and proceeded to pull my purse out. The woman started adding up how much I owed, chatting pleasantly about the usual salesperson stuff .ie. it's a pretty colour isn't it, you're going to love this one. But when I opened up my purse to grab my cash card, she just stopped and stared.

At first I couldn't work out what had surprised her so much, but then I realised she was looking at the two little cards I have in the photo section, two little cards with pictures of Saints on them. At first it looked like she was going to pasit off and not mention it, but eventually her curiosity got the better of her and she asked about them.

Salesperson: I couldn't help noticing, you've got pictures of Saints in your purse.
Me: Uh huh.
Salesperson: And you're wearing a pentacle.
Me: *smirking* Yep.
Salesperson: So ... why do you have them in their if you're obviously pagan?
Me: *gesturing* Well this is St Claire, the patron saint of television, and this is St Isadore, the patron saint of the internet. Seeing as TV and the internet are two of my favourite things, it's a little shout out to them.
Salesperson: Ohhhh!!! I get it. Hedging your bets, huh?
Me: Think of it as a tribute. Or maybe as superstition.

I suppose it is strange for me to keep pictures of saints in my purse. But what can I say. I'm a strange gal...

Stupid Kelstar...

2006-05-10T06:42:00.000+09:30

... I was browsing through some second hand books the other day at an op shop when I came across something I just couldn't pass up. Not because I desperately wanted it or it was something I'd been keeping an eye out for. I'd never heard of it before. And not because it was valuable. It was just some ratty old paperback with a grotty cover. No, the reason I bought it and took it home was because I just COULDN'T leave it there for someone else to buy.

"Escape from Witchcraft", that was the title. Of course it caught my eye just from that, but once I'd read the blurb I was ... I guess you could say conflicted. Being a witch myself,I was both amused and horrified.

The story was pretty much an autobiography, published in the early seventies and detailing a girl's experiences with the occult. Biased of course, as all biographies are, but I admit it riled me up more than most. Here's a bit from the back page.

"Witchcraft is not a thing of the past. Satan is not dead. Young people by the thousands are probing seriously the mysteries of "The Other Side", from seances to satan worship ... most American high schools have their campus "witches and warlocks."

While the drug problem occupies community attention, another epidemic - far more insidious, far more elusive - is spreading among young people ... That is why this book had to be written."

I suppose it's ridiculous to be insulted by a book that was written before I was born, but I acted on instinct. I didn't want someone else to buy that book. To read it. So I bought it myself to take it out of circulation.

But afterwards when I got it home, I started to feel the twinges of my conscience. Sure I have the right to my beliefs. Sure I have the right to abhore what this stupid little book says. But do I have the right to think I can stop other people from reading it? Isn't that a bit like censorship?

I'd intended to throw the stupid thing away as soon as I got it home, but now it just feels wrong. A bit too much like book burning, if you know what I mean. But it leaves me in a strange situation. What to do with it? I could donate it to a charity, but that doesn't feel right either. Maybe I should just leave it somewhere, ala bookcrossing, and let the fates take their course.

I know that in the grand scheme of things my buying it isn't going to make any difference whatsoever, but that's not the point. It's the fact that I THOUGHT it would make a difference. As much as I hate to admit it, it's a difference I don't have any right to make.

Damn, I hate it when I'm being a better person...

What next, kibble for lunch?

2006-05-10T06:41:00.000+09:30

... I think it might be time to go grocery shopping again.

Last night I found myself scrounging through the freezer, searching desperately for SOMETHING I could make a decent dinner out of. Oh sure, there were plenty of things I could make an indecent dinner with, but I was looking for something healther, something more nutritional, something ... boring.

In the end I decided to defrost some of the chicken wings I'd bought for Gypsy and marinade them in honey soy. They were delicious, but I hadn't anticipated the conversation I had today with R.

R: So, do anything interesting last night?
Me: Not much, just watched TV, surfed the net, had some of the cat's food for dinner...
R: WAAHHH??????????

Okay, so I can see that it came out completely wrong, but it's not like I opened up a tin of Whiskas and made a caserole from it! Those chicken wings were people food before I demoted them to cat food. By rights, I get to re-promote them if I choose...

Orb pictures...

2006-05-07T19:03:00.000+09:30

... I was snapping a few photos in the fibro shack yesterday when I was delighted to see this little orb floating above Gypsy's head. Or mabye it was by the fridge. Do orbs get hungry?

If you look carefully you'll notice the late, lamented plant sitting on the kitchen bench. Poor thing, it really didn't stand a chance with me taking care of it. Do you think that the orb might be the spirit of that dead zygocactus (yes, I killed a succulent, no need to rub it in).

The funny thing is, I've NEVER caught an orb on a photo taken here before. I've got orbs galore from different ghost hunts I've been on, but never from my place. It's always been rather dead around here, hauntingly speaking (excuse the pun).

I checked the camera to make sure it wasn't dust, and snapped a few more, but this is the only one of the kitchen that had anything in it. But then I took a few in the loungeroom and one of them turned out like this.

Again, the only one with anything in it, and all of them taken in quick succession. Interesting, no?

So, what do you think? Did I have a visitor yesterday?

Clowning around...

2006-05-06T19:22:00.000+09:30

... Good morming, my chickadees! Isn't it a lovely Saturday morning? Sun's bright, temperature's cool, and I don't have a single blessed thing to do today. Couldn't have asked to a better day if I'd ordered it from Amazon..com.

Last night was fun, my first play of the year. I could hardly believe it when I realised. Normally I'd have seen three or four plays by this time, but for some reason most of the plays I'm booked in to judge are happening later in the year. I guess that's what happens when you decide to split an annual pass and the plays you choose are towards the end of the season.

The play was great though, something called "The Clown from Snowy River". I've seen them do a few other things, including "Frocking Fantastic" which was like Absolutely Fabulous meets Kath and Kim, and "Titanic - A Comedy" which was the most hilarious rendition of the death of Rose and Jack I've ever seen. And that includes the animated bunny version (check out some of their other animated bunny stuff, it's hilarious).

I'd recommend any of you within the BrisVegas area go check it out, but tonight is it's last performance, and if last night's showing was anything to go by, it's probably sold out. The entire theatre was packed full and they all loved the show as much as we did. The entire place was rocking with laughter.

It wasn't a very long performance, only an hour, but it was hilarious! The history of Australia as told by six clowns in one hour. They did Waltzing Matilda, The Man From Snowy River, the arrival of Captain Cook, Burke and Wills, and Cathy Freeman winning gold at the Olympics. That last one they managed to turn into a disco dance scene. I'm not sure how, but it was great. We were laughing so hard that our cheeks hurt an hour after the show.

But if any of you ARE going tonight, just a word to the wise. Don't sit in the front row ... unless you want to have your handbag tipped out onto the floor and be picked up like a bag of meal and used as a prop. Lets just say we were glad we chose seats about half way up...

I always knew I was gifted...

2006-05-06T19:18:00.000+09:30

... Who's a lucky girl? Kelstar's a lucky girl! Oh yeah, and she knows it!

When I got home this afternoon I found box on my front doorstep. Got to say, it came as a bit of a surprise seeing as the postman usually just leaves a slip in my letterbox when I've got a parcel, but I wasn't complaining. I could see from the writing that it was from SIL and that could mean only one thing.

BIRTHDAY PRESENT!!!

Okay, so my birthday isn't for a few weeks yet, but I was thrilled to see my very first b'day present of the year had arrived. The moment I opened it though I could tell that this time SIL sent it, instead of Doofus who sent me my present last year.

Ooh, pretty present! Thanks Doofus and SIL, lets just hope I manage to wait until my b'day to open it!

And how could I tell this simply from the parcel, you might ask? Ah, you'll be amazed by my deductive reasoning and my observational skills.

You see, last year when I opened the box I found the gift in there, just rolling around of it's own accord, no wrapping or padding or anything else, I knew immediately that Doofus had been responsible for sending it.. This year it's immaculately wrapped, complete with padding, birthday card, and gold ribbon. Without a doubt, the work of SIL.

I think I missed my calling, obviously I should have been a detective...

Thank you, may I have another...

2006-05-04T18:22:00.000+09:30

... I've heard of workplace bullying, but this is ridiculous!

Jury gets case of woman spanked in supposed team-building exercise

FRESNO, Calif. Being in sales is tough when you're spanked by the competition, but it's worse when you get spanked, literally, by your fellow employees.

So says Janet Orlando, who sued her firm for more than a (m) million dollars.
A jury in Fresno, California, has begun deliberating the case.

Orlando left home security company Alarm One after she was spanked with a rival company's yard sign in front of co-workers on several occasions. The company says its morning sales meetings promoted bonding and motivation. In her lawsuit, Orlando alleges assault, battery and emotional distress.

Court documents say the meetings included contests between teams, and included the spankings and _ in some locations _ throwing pies at the losers and making them wear diapers.

I mean, my office has done some pretty stupid things from time to time in the name of teambuilding and organisational development, but even they've never stooped that low! After all, the union would be all over them like flies on doggie doo.

Can you believe that there's any company out there that thought they could do that and NOT get sued? They should be found guilty on account of sheer stupidity...

I'm in the library's most wanted...

2006-05-03T18:24:00.000+09:30

... Is there a statute of limitations on library fines? You know, like a ten year limit or something where your name is cleared and you can start borrowing again with a clean slate? Cause if there is, I'd like to know when I'll be absolved.

You see, I have a past. Oh yes, I'm sure there's an 8x10 of me stuck up on the "Do Not Loan To..." pinboard of every local library in town. I'm a wanted woman, a renegade. From a library perspective, I'm Billy the Kid.

I never intended to keep those damned books! Honestly! It's just that I'd borrowed a couple of textbooks for my course and then I'd moved house and, somehow, they'd ended up at the bottom of a packing box that I didn't bother opening. So they sat at the bottom of the box in the cupboard, and I ended up with a black mark on my good library borrowing name.

I know what you're thinking, that's not exactly a big thing, but you've got to understand that I'm a professional when it comes to avoiding things I don't want to deal with. They sent a letter, I ignored it. They sent another, I ignored it. They sent a velied threat, I pretended I couldn't speak english.

Then it came, a letter from a law firm, laced with legalese and threatening all dire consequences, both possible and impossible, as a result of my absconding with the aforementioned books. Now I'm pretty good at that whole avoidance thing, but even I couldn't ignore this one. I think panic is the accurate description of my reaction. Action was required.

But did I turn up to the library and 'fess up? Oh no, I was still in the whole avoidance frame of mind. I think it was 2am that I pulled up in the parking lot of the library and slipped those thrice damned books into their after hours shute, then drove my guilty little behind home to pray to whatever god would listen that I never heard from the library again.

And I didn't, not once in the past ten years, but I'm not so naive as to think they've forgiven me. Oh no, hell hath no fury like a librarian scorned. I should know, I work with enough of them. So I'm sure I'm still on their "list". Of course, I'm assuming that they have a list, but I'm hardly about to test the theory by going in and trying to open up a new account.

The funny thing is my current job involves charging almost all the libraries in Queensland for books they haven't returned. Ironic, huh...

I've got a golden ticket...

2006-05-03T12:19:00.000+09:30

... Did I tell you guys about the competition website that my mother signed up for a few months ago? Not a bad little site, really just a forum where the members all post the URLs of competitions so that everyone can enter them. You wouldn't think that there were that many out there, but it seems like anywhere up to thirty new comps get listed every day!

I've been entering as many as I can manage. Not as many as some of those people though, the ones who do it as a full time job. There's one guy on there who's user name is LuckyPhil and his name comes up in the winners list every couple of days. Holidays, cash prizes, electronics, you name it and he's winning it. I can only assume he sits on the computer all day long and enters the comps over and over again.

I don't have the time to do that, so I suppose I can't expect to win like LuckyPhil does, but I did manage to get something that came in the mail last night. Two tickets to the Dockside Comedy Club! Not bad, hey? It says that they're worth $25 each, so that's not too dusty!

Today comedy club tickets, tomorrow trips around the world. Now I'm just waiting for the prizes to start rolling in.

************

I was in fits of laughter when I got this in an e-mail the other day. You've got to give the guy credit, it's an original approach to convincing your girlfriend to have a threesome. I can't help wondering though if she actually agreed to it. She must have been pretty sure he wouldn't get the hit count, more fool her.

But he only had to get two million, and I think the counter is up around the thirty million mark now. It doesn't surprise me, someone told me the other day that they'd read an article about it.

With that sort of advertising, she didn't stand a chance...

Levitation nation...

2006-05-02T12:23:00.000+09:30

... Did you know that it's possible to not only pick up a remote control with your toes, but if you're feeling particularly lazy you can change chanels with them too? That was a little lesson I learnt last night while I was watcing TV and I just couldn't muster up the energy or enthusiasm to sit up, pick up the remote, and press the button.

That's a bit of free advice.

**********

But to be completely fair (and to lessen the impression you've no doubt go of me) I have an excuse. I was wrapped up in a coocoon like doona, and I did have a cat lying on my arm ... well I never claimed it was MUCH of an excuse!

But it got me thinking, in that off beat random association kind of way, about what sort of super power I'd like to have if given the choice. I know most people say they'd like super strength, or X-ray vision, or the power to fly, but I've decided there's something much more useful.

Telekenesis!

How many times have you been sitting there as I was last night, incapacitated in some way, and wished you had the power to move things with your mind? I know I do all the time. The coffee cup's just a little bit out of reach? The hair clip's slipped down behind the cabinet? Think of the convenience!

Not to mention the possibilities! It'd be like having a whole host of super powers, not just one. Want to fly? No problem, just levitate yourself! Need super strength? Augument your man power with your mind power! And think of what a great party trick it'd be...

Samhain's coming...

2006-04-28T12:27:00.000+09:30

... Looks like we've got another long weekend ahead of us! We've certainly been spoilt lately, haven't we! Not that I'm complaining, I'd love a three day weekend every week, but I'm afraid that's not in the offing.

It should be nice though, and it's great because it coincides with Samhain here in the Southern Hemisphere, so I can celebrate without having to worry about going to work the next morning. There's nothing worse that knowing that you've got to get up early the next day and drag your sorry butt into the office, it really kills the mood.

I'm not sure what I'll do yet, perhaps invite over a few friends from the pagan study group I sometimes go to. It's getting nice and cold so we can light a fire on the back verandah (in a brazier, not just on floorboards), and have some Samhain fun! I'll have to hunt up some autumnal type foods for the feast, maybe even do a bit of a roast!

I just wish I could get carving pumpkins around this time of year! You can get them in October of course, but not now. Perhaps I should consider growing a vine in the back corner of my garden. Okay! You can stop the laughing! I know I've got about as much chance of winning the lotto as making something grow on purpose (it's always the things I don't intend to grow that flourish, like that vine that found it's way in my kitchen window and crept along my ceiling) but there's no need to rub it in.

I suppose I could make do with a jap pumpkin or a blue, but they're so hard to carve! I remember when Doofus used to carve a pumpkin every Halloween (back before you could buy the proper carving pumpkins) and he'd come so close to cutting his own hand off trying to carve one of those Queensland blues. Got to give him credit though, the pumpkin would always look great when he'd finished.

I hope you all have a wonderful Samhain, or Beltane as the case may be...

Warning: whinge ahead...

2006-04-28T12:25:00.000+09:30

... I went everywhere this afternon. I think I actually covered at least 10 suburbs. I wish I could say it was in aide of something exciting, or at least interesting, but I'd be lying. You see, the reason I took my car on a two hour detour from work to home was because I was looking for an automatic tellar machine.

I know this should have been a relatively simple process, but you'd be surprised just how difficult it can be to find one of those damned things that's in working order on a Friday afternoon! You'd think the banks would consider this wouldn't you, maybe take into consideration the fact that it's Friday afternoon, perhaps a few people are going to be coming along and pulling their entire pay packets out to splurge at the pub/movies/restaurant/casino/brothel, but for some reason the banks haven't seen fit to do this.

The first machine I pulled up at was midway between work and home, which is a fifteen minute drive at the worst of times. It looked fine, until I tapped the number in and was cheerfully told that they didn't have any twenties, so I'd have to make my request in fifties. I was happy to comply, only to be told they were out of fifties and would I please make my request in twenties!

So giving that machine up as a lost cause, I hopped back into the car and went in search of another one. It's not an easy task, people! There are plenty of machines scattered all over the place, but you've got to find one that's accessable, takes your type of card and has somewhere you can easily park in peak hour. So it was about twenty minutes before I found another one that fit the bill.

This one didn't even let me get to the point of entering an amount, it just told me flat out that it was out of service. Okay, I thought, I can handle this. It's just broken and I'll have to find another. But of course with every minute that passed, the Friday afternoon peak hour traffic was getting thicker and thicker. And I don't do peak hour traffic well. Not at all.

So another fifteen minutes and I'd reached the third tellar. This one I had high hopes for because it was in a little known shopping complex that's never too busy and always has lots of parking spots. Imagine my surprise, however, when I got to the spot in the wall where the machine should have been, only to find a huge gaping hole! The workman standing beside it informed me that he'd ripped the damned thing out only half an hour before. Oh...kay!

Luckily forth time's the charm. It took another twenty minutes and a bit of fussing around with parkinig, but I finally found a machine that had money, wasn't out of service and hadn't been ripped from it's wall. Yay me! Of course, by this time I was so far away from home it took me a good hour (still in the middle of peak hour traffic) to get home again.

I guess it just goes to show you can't trust those banks. From now on I think I'll do the only sensible thing ... I'll keep all my money buried in a jar in the backyard...

My spook free home...

2006-04-27T12:28:00.000+09:30

... I was just reading an entry by one of my favourites and he was talking about how he's staying in a genuine, honest to goodness haunted house. Sounds like fun, one of those big old country places just like the one in the Amityville Horror movie he says. Sounds like just the sort of place you'd expect to be haunted, doesn't it.

It got me to thinking and I realised that it's been almost five years now since I've lived in a haunted house. The fibro shack, despite it's cheap rent and absentee landlady, is decidedly lacking in spooky activity. I know most people would consider that to be a positive selling point, but I can't help missing the "ghostly activity" just a wee little bit.

It used to be quite common for the TV to change chanels by itself. Or for the shampoo bottles to randomly fall off the bench and into the shower recess. Not to mention the occasional view of something sitting on the stairs or peering through the back door. Disembodied footsteps, things being moved around, lights turning themselves on and off, these were all common, daily occurrances that I'd grown used to.

But now I live in a completey ghost-free zone. No more taps on the shoulder from someone who isn't there. No more glimpses of someone rounding the corner. I remember discussing it once with the woman who lives in the other side of the duplex and she agreed that it was strange. Apparently she's used to places with at least a few spooks too.

It's weird though, even in places that aren't blatantly haunted, I can normally still sense something. I can only assume that, at some point in the past, someone has cleansed the house of unwanted energies. I know that one of the past tennants was a friend of a friend, and from the sounds of it it's the sort of thing she'd do. I know most people would look on that as a positive thing, but I always liked the feel of things that weren't there. I guess I'm odd that way...

Picnic in the park...

2006-04-26T12:30:00.000+09:30

... Can you think of a better day to spend a lovely autumnal public holiday than with half a dozen good friends, a pile of sandwiches, chocolates and chips, and three picnic blankets? I can't.

As is our usual custom for public holidays, the gang decided to head over to T and B's house yesterday for a picnic in the park that's just down the road from them. It really is the most adorable little spot, a little triangle of land in the middle of suburbia with no main roads so we didn't have to worry about car fumes.

We didn't do anything particularly interesting, or talk about anything important, but it was just nice to sit around for three hours, chatting and joking about useless things. We did discuss the fact that I've decided to take them all to Pub Trivia as our going-out-for-my-birthday thing. Normally I'd pick a restaurant, but I thought a change of pace would be nice. Besides, most of them have never done pub trivia before, and I personally think everyone should experience it at least once in their lives.

So when the conversation turned to that, we started discussing what our team name should be. There was a lot of debate over it and everyone thought their idea was the best. B was anamant that we should be called the Harlotts (I'm sure T and S, both guys, would love that). I think it was K who suggest Trivia Virgins, but given the fact that I've been attending trivia for years, and I know T and B have gone a few times, it didn't seem accurate.

In the end it was T who suggested we call ourselves One Night Only. Everyone liked it, and it was true. We were only going to go for one night. So decision made. And it only took about an hour, a bit of a record for us.

At one point during the picnic we were treated to a bit of a show. One of the houses facing the park sprang to life and all the kids living there piled out and started running up and down the street yelling "Michael! Michael!". At first we assumed they'd lost one of their brothers, but when one of them came over to ask if we'd seen a little white dog with a red collar called "Sparkles", well that made more sense. I'm not sure how we got Michael out of Sparkles though.

I'm not sure if they even found the dog, but there was plenty of drama unfolding. At one point one of the little ones started running down the street full pelt, no doubt in search of Sparkles, and straight towards a main street. You could see the mother turning white from fifty metres away. Luckily Dad ran after him and stopped him from going full pelt into the middle of oncoming traffic.

Once we'd eaten our sandwiches and lounged around for as long as we wanted (and once T had his obligatory go on the swings) we headed back to T and B's place for chocolate cake, baked that morning by B.

All in all , a very nice, unstressful day.

You know it's funny, I was reading some random entries earlier and I came across one from a young girl, 13 years old I think, who was writing about the problems she's having with her friends. Just the usual stuff, god knows I had those problems too at her age. I remember being in highschool, and T, KS, J and K were all my friends back then too, and sometimes it seemed that your closest friends could become your worst enemies without a moments notice. Not that I'm holding any special priviledge for myself, I'm sure I wasn't any particular pleasure. I guess it's the age, there's nothing more vicious than a teenager.

But it just made me want to tell her that if she only holds on, and waits for her mates to grow up a bit, she'll hopefully end up with life long friends. I know I did...

Kelstar's tattoo parlour...

2006-04-24T07:14:00.000+09:30

... Is there a 12 step program for e-bay addicts? Cause if there is, I think I might need to start attending the meetings. Or at least google it and get the basics.

KS is also getting to be quite the ebay shopping monster, but at least she's going there with a definite idea of what she wants to buy. When I go to ebay, I just end up wandering around in there aimlessly, clickin on anything that takes my fancy. And believe me, the stranger it is the more I want it.

Quirky slogan t-shirts, antique pottery, shady looking electrical equipment and vintage jewellery, I've been known to lust after them all. I've tracked auctions for things like gnome doors (teeny little wooden doors you stick to a tree to make it look like a gnome lives inside) and even 11 kilograms of Australian pennies, only to have to physically restrain myself from actually buying this useless rubbish!

Can you believe that I actually considered putting a bid on a tattooing gun? It was an opening bid of a dollar with no reserve, and no one had even bid on it! I don't know how to tattoo, I'm a rubbishy artist, and I doubt I'd find anyone to let me practice on them, but I still considered bidding.

I can just see it now, "Kelstar's Tattoo Parlour". Maybe I could specialise in drawing little flowers around people's freckles! I've had heaps of practice doing them in pen around my own when I'm bored during staff meeting. But then again I doubt there's anyone out there stupid enough to let me within ten metres of them with a tattoo gun. I know I wouldn't if I was in their positions.

But in the end I managed to talk myself out of bidding. Almost every artsy project I've begun has ended in disappointment, tears or structural damage. My kitchen floor is a vivid (not to mention costly to repair) testament to what can happen when Kelstar is bored and had access to paints and brushes. Imagine the damage I could have done if I'd had a tattoo gun at my disposal! No, I think it's best for all concerned that I didn't place that bid...