Delusions Of Sanity

Early morning cussing...

2006-10-26T07:44:00.000+09:30

... Don't you just hate it when you wake up in the middle of the night with a horrible cramp in your leg? Two A.M. is just too cruel to find yourself jumping around the bedroom, clutching your calf in agony and cussing in a voice far too loud for that time of the night. I can't be sure, but I think I spied sailors running down the street, clutching their ears and looking shocked.

What can I say, I have a foul mouth when I'm in pain.

**********

I wish I could give you all a fascinating update about all the interesting things I've been doing lately, but it just isn't on the cards. My life has been depressingly boring. I get up, I go to work, I come home. That's about it. Oh well, I guess we can't all live the wild lifestyle. Some of us have to be the boring ones.

I did go to a play on Friday night though. I'd seen this particular play before, directed by the same guy who directed it last time, so I was expecting an enjoyable time. And I did enjoy it ... but lets just say it was an object lesson in why a director should NEVER cast himself as the lead. EVER!!! ESPECIALLY WHEN THE REST OF THE CAST ARE IN THEIR EARLY TWENTIES AND YOU'RE AT LEAST FORTY FIVE AND NOT A VERY GOOD ACTOR ANYWAY!!!

And so sayeth Kelstar, theatre critic extrordinaire...

For the alliance...

2006-10-18T07:24:00.000+09:30

... I know, I know, it's been a while since I last updated. But I do have an excuse!

Okay, so it's not a very GOOD excuse, but it's my story and I'm sticking to it. I'm afraid I've been spending all my spare internetting time ... playing World of Warcraft. What can I say, I'm a marketer's dream, and World of Warcraft is EXTREMELY addictive!

Personally, I blame Doofus. Him and his free 10 day trial pass. Who knew you could become so engrossed in a computer game! But to be completely fair, it's much more than a game. I've played games before, things like Tomb Raider and the like, and they just don't have the same appeal.

I think it's because when you play a normal game, it's just that. A game. You have a goal to achieve and once you've done it then you've won. But with World Of Warcraft it's ongoing. You create a character. Grow them. Improve their skills and their protections. You take them on quests and go visit different places. I never thought I'd get excited about going to a new virtual town or shire, but I do! And it all happens in real time, which just adds to that whole reality feeling. Thus the virtual reality tag, I suppose.

But I suppose it's no excuse for not updating. After all I could do it during my lunch breaks if I really wanted to. It's just a bit unfortunate that over the past couple of weeks I've either been working through my lunches, or I've been down the back with the stitch bitches knitting my little heart out. Oh yeah, you don't want to get between a librarian and her knitting, let me tell you!

So I promise I'll be a little more dilligent in the future. At least I will after my WOW character has visited Darkshire. I've still got to get the case of moonshine to finish the "Dry Times" quest. Oh, and I have to catch all the sunfish at the lake at Redridge, not to mention catching the spiders for the Westfalls Stew ... okay, I admit it, I have a problem ... but I'm enjoying it too much to care...

First level mage seeks quest to fail at...

2006-10-03T06:55:00.000+09:30

... Well I'm not sure if my internet problems were the providers fault, the modem's fault, or the work of a gypsy curse, but when I plugged the new modem in yesterday afternoon everything was hunky and/or dory again. At least as much as it had been before. Sure the system still shut down at 8.30pm and hadn't come back when I went to bed at eleven, but at least it was there again this morning ... a definite improvement on what it was doing before.

So I'm forced to do something I'm loath to ... I'm forced to apologise to the internet provider. I'm sorry, Mr Internet Provider, it looks like it may have been the modem's fault after all. Unless the problem is that the system got repaired in between when I unplugged the old one and set up the new one. Or unless you guys got so fed up with me calling about the service dropping out that you shot a bolt of electricity down the phone line to fry my poor modem as an act of vigilante justice. If that's the case, than I withdraw my accusation withdrawl.

But once the infernal internet system from the nether reaches of a hell dimension came back online, I got to do something that I've been meaning to do for a very long time. I got to try out World of Warcraft!

I can totally see why people become so addicted to that game. Doofus and SIL helped walk me through the steps of setting up a character and then taught me how to operate it. We even got to go on a quest or two and check out the local tavern. It's very intricate, isn't it! Kind of puts "Where In The World Is Carmen Sandiago" into perspective.

I've only got a 10 day visitor pass so when that runs out I guess I'll have to decide if I want to keep playing. Of course, everyone keeps warning me that if I start playing it, it'll become an obsession because it hits everyone like that. And I need another obsession like I need a hole in the head. But we'll see. If at the end of the ten days I can't live without it, I'll have to look into signing up properly...

Rising levels of frustration...

2006-10-02T08:04:00.000+09:30

... Well, this weekend wasn't quite the chock-a-block net surfing experience I had planned. It turns out broadband internet isn't quite as straight forward as dial-up. After having several days of speedy, yet unreliable access to the internet, my system just turned up it's toes and refused to work any more on Saturday afternoon. And I'd only just discovered the joys of podcasts!

Oh sure, kids, they all tell you that broadband is the newest, fastest way to assess the net, but don't be fooled by the slick advertising and the promise of dazzling fast service. It's really just a ploy to get you to fork over sixty dollars a month for the privilage of getting to call a help desk for several hours and still having no better access at the end of the call than you had at the beginning.

I'd started with Doofus, always my first port of call when it comes to computer troubles, but there's only so much he could do from Canberra with no way of seeing what my connection was doing. So rather than monopolise all of his Saturday night, I called the helpdesk and eventually got put onto a guy who told me his name was Don, even though he sounded like he was probably in New Delhi somewhere.

Of course, Don was much better than I the guy I spoke to before him, who no matter what I said insisted that I was trying to tell him my internet cord wasn't long enough to reach the wall socket. Just how he got that from the simple statement "my service has dropped out" remains a mystery.

Not that the other people I spoke to didn't have their fair share of misunderstood comments and illogical requests. One of them actually asked me to turn the modem upside down. To turn the modem upside down! Can you believe that! I don't know what's worse, that I did it when he asked, or that for a split second it actually made complete sense to me. Oh yes, turn the modem upside down, that'll do it! Of course, I have the excuse that I'd been on the line with them for several hours at that point and I may have been a wee bit delusional.

And what do they say at the end of all the testing and the instructing and the making me jump through hoops? Hardware problem. Yep, when all else fail, blame the modem. So now I have to take the damned thing back to the shop and exchange it for another. That's going to be fun, cause electronic stores just LOVE to exchange faulty items.

Oh, I know there are worse thing in the world than a faulty internet connection, but I'm still frustrated. That alternative Amish lifestyle is looking better and better every day. Churning butter couldn't be harder than all this...

Captain Picard: The Musical...

2006-09-30T11:24:00.000+09:30

... You know, it really doesn't get much better than watching a Starship Captain singing an old fashioned Vaudeville song...

Happy Friday...

2006-09-29T22:34:00.000+09:30

... Well stick a feather in my hair and call me tickled pink if it isn't Friday! Happy Friday everyone! And aren't I glad that it's finally come. This week has been a nightmare, workwise. We're slap bang in the middle of budget forecasting season, which of course means ridiculous amounts of work for us.

And of course the past couple of days have been the worst given that all the managers woke up on the deadline day and suddenly thought "Hmm, perhaps I'd better have a look at that budget thingie", right before they realised they didn't have a clue and all booked back to back meetings with us. It always amazes me how they can do it every single year.

But I'm not going to think about any of it for the next two days. All I'm going to think about is how I've finally got a replacement for the dearly departed Neville the Computer, courtesy of Doofus, and I can now give my brand new internet access a thorough workout. And believe me, it's going to get a workout. I'll be amazed if I sleep at all this weekend.

Not that I haven't given a good go already. I've only been connected for three days and already I've used up about 800 meg of my download allowance. Thank Zeus I decided to go for the 30 gig account.

I've got to admit though, I've got one secret, dirty little desire as far as downloading things goes. I desperately want ... I can't believe I'm going to say this ... to find a copy of Young Riders. Do any of you remember that show? It was about all these wild west characters riding for the pony express and I was addicted to it back when I was in High School.

I know, extremely nerdy, but what can I say. No matter how bad it makes me look, it's still not as incriminating as my penchant for the WB Dawson's Creek spinoff, Young Americans. Now it takes a truely committed fan to admit to liking THAT show...

Marital similarities...

2006-09-26T06:44:00.000+09:30

... It's strange, isn't it, how some people end up marrying someone who looks just like them. I know, that seems to come completely out of the blue, but there is a method to my madness.

You see, most mornings I stop by a coffee shop on my way to work. Sometimes to get a toasted sandwich for breakfast, sometimes just to get a drink, and occasionally just to pay the bill for the library's catering account. And every morning when I arrive there's always this couple sitting in the corner. Every morning without fail. Her with her coffee milkshake and him with his cappuchino.

The thing that always gets me about this couple though is the similarities. They both look so much alike! Honestly, you'd swear they were brother and sister ... at least you would until they started making out.

And this is a bit of a trend I've noticed in our society. You can see it in any Sunday paper on the weddings page. The number of people marrying partners that could be related to them is astonishing! Zeus knows, even my cousin married a girl who looked so much like him I almost did a double take the first time I met her.

I wonder why that is? I mean, you'd think the whole don't-marry-your-brother-or-your-kids-will-have-two-heads taboo would stop those sort of shenanigans, but it doesn't seem to have any effect. I wonder if they even realise they're doing it!

Of course, I remember reading an article once in a magazine that said we're instinctually attracted to people who have similar features to ourselves. Something about a subconscious desire to preserve genetic integrity. Of course, they were talking about things like the ratio of eyebrows to eyelids and the width of nostrils. Not the freaky similarities you see with some of these couples.

Hmm, it's interesting, isn't it. Perhaps I should write a paper about it, do a thesis or something. Of course, I'll have to be careful with my line of questioning. Somehow, I don't think "So, were you unaware you were marrying someone who looks like you're sister, or are you just into that sort of thing?" is going to go down so well...

Enough already...

2006-09-22T11:55:00.000+09:30

... I've tried to keep quiet about it. I've tried not to speak ill of the dead. After all, with the way everyone's going on about it I'd probably be dragged out into the street and strung up as an example to the rest of society. But I can't keep silent any longer! I have something to say.

My life is in no way, shape or form affected by the death of Steve Irwin. I'm sorry if this upsets anyone, but it's just the truth, plain and simple.

Honestly, I planned on keeping my head down and my mouth shut until all the broo-ha-ha had blown over, but it doesn't seem like that's going to happen any time soon. First there was the news coverage, then the thousands of people gathering at his animal park. That was followed by his funeral and then by his memorial service. It just keeps going on and on! At this rate the first anniversary of his death will have come around before they all stop!

I know I seem cold-hearted, but lets be honest. None of us were really that impressed with him when he was alive. Okay, so maybe the Americans were, but we Aussies pretty much just tolerated him. The fact that he died really doesn't change that, and I refuse to be a hypocrite and start declaring myself "heartbroken" now he's gone. He was a twit! A harmless twit, sure, but a twit none-the-less.

I mean it was only a year or two ago that we were all screaming for his blood when he dangled that poor son of his over a croc! Lets face it, he didn't have the best track record when it came to being responsible. So the fact that he was killed by one of the wild animals he kept insisting on hugging/kissing/wrestling/fondling at every given opportunity? Not really that big a surprise. Of course I always assumed, along with most people, that it'd be a crocodile that'd take him out.

So I'm going to make a plea on behalf of all of us who really don't give a rats. Please stop with all the mourning for Steve Irwin. Sure, it's sad and I'm sorry for his family, but I think the 24/7 media coverage is really going a wee bit over the top...

Corporate wardrobe...

2006-09-21T07:22:00.000+09:30

... I got the fright of my life last night when I was driving home from the shops. I was following some station wagon along the main road, not paying any particular attention to it, when we hit a bit of a dip in the road and suddenly my headlights shone straight onto the hideous thing clinging to it just below the boot.

My first thought was that it'd backed into some poor, unsuspecting animal and now it was left stuck to the left rear light, it's face still twisted in a horrible grimace. But then I saw that it actually seemed to be reaching out, as if climbing down off the car. It looked so much like a monster, or at least like what I used to think a monster looked like when I was a kid. That's when I pretty much panicked.

Okay, so common sense should have told me it was a plastic toy put there on purpose, and a dodgy looking one at that. But it was late at night ... and it was dark ... and it all happened in a split second ... and just shut up! You weren't there!

**********

Our office is getting to the point now where we're just about ready to move into our shiny new building. Yep, the spank'n new library that's been almost three years in the making is finally done and we're excitedly preparing for our new lives as corporatey type people.

Not that we have the faintest clue how to go about being corporatey type people. You've got to understand, up until now we've always been a bit ... shall we say trailer-trash? Okay, so maybe that's a bit harsh, but we're definitely not the businesswear matching furniture corporate image types.

Now we've even got something that they're calling our "Corporate Wardrobe". Not uniforms, mind you. Apparently we're not allowed to use the "U" word. We've got to call it a corporate wardrobe. Actually, to be fair, it's rather nice. Just a plain black shirt with the red logo printed on the back to one side.

It's a bit of a relief, actually. Ever since we found out about the uniforms which aren't, I was afraid they were going to start dressing us like a bunch of credit union employees. I mean, I like blue print polyester with flame coloured scarves as much as the next person, but I don't particularly want to spend my working life in them...

Just a quick one...

2006-09-20T13:21:00.000+09:30

... I think it's a mystery that will never be solved. Why, exactly, do people just decide not to come to training courses we hold to show them how to forecast their budgets, and then think that we'll drop everything a couple of weeks later to hand hold them through it all when they realise they haven't got a frick'n clue what they're doing?

No, seriously! Does anyone know why?

**********

Have I told you guys how much love my Uni class this semester? I haven't had this much fun in ages! So far we've done practicals on classifying ceramics, glass and photographs. Last night was the photographs section and we had a ball! They broke us up into pairs and had us describe the photo and estimate a date given the evidence. Thank god they didn't make us draw it this time.

For the first one, the ceramics, we each did our own classification and it involved drawing a picture of our artefact. Lets just say I'm not going to be winning any awards for my stunning illustrations! The next week with the bottles we were in groups of six and we just got the best drawer in the lot to do the sketch. But this time we just had to describe it. Lucky too, given the amount of detail we ended up with.

It was a photo of three teenage girls, all standing around in their best winter outfits and leaning on papier mache logs set up to look like a fence. Very tacky! We ended up christening them Beryl, Myrtle and Harriet. Quite the scary bunch, I must say! But we dated it easily enough to the 1880's so that was fine.

Next week is "miscellaneous items", so that should be interesting to see what he puts in that category...

From Control Headquarters...

2006-09-18T07:08:00.000+09:30

... From Control Headquarters, otherwise known as Kelstar's parents kitchen.

Mum: Sweetheart, could you do me a favour?

Me: Sure, what?

Mum: (handing over a leaflet) This is one of the townhouses in this complex that's up for sale. Can you call up the real-estate and find out how much it's going for? They didn't put a price on the sheet.

Me: Um ... okay. But why not do it yourself?

Mum: They might recognise me!

Me: The real-estate people? But why would... Okay, whatever. So, what's the number?

Mum: Here you go, and don't forget to block our number so they can't see who's calling.

Me: No problem.

Mum: And don't use your real name.

Me: Okay.

Mum: And don't give them our number! Or your own!

Me: Alright, Mum! It's not like I haven't done this before!

Mum: (raises eyebrows)

Me: ... but this isn't about me, it's about this. Okay, it's ringing.

*Real-estate agent answers*

Me: Oh, hi, my name is Kelstar Smythe, and I was wondering about the price of the town house you've got up for sale ... yep, that's the one ... uh huh ... two ninety nine ... okay then, that's great ... my number?

Mum: (gestures wildly not to give it)

Me: ... Ah, well I'm afraid I can't give you this number ... oh, alright then ... 0414 729 337 ... yep, great ... okay then, thanks a lot.

*hangs up*

Mum: You gave them a number! I told you not to give them a number! And what number was that anyway? I don't recognise it!

Me: Mum, calm down! That was the real-estate agents number. She was giving it to me and I was repeating it.

Mum: (relaxing) Oh, thank god! When you started to reel off those numbers I wasn't sure WHAT you were doing.

Me: You know what, Mum?

Mum: What's that, sweetie.

Me: From now on, perhaps you should do your own reconnaissance work...

Kelstar's Tribute to Diet Coke...

2006-09-14T10:02:00.000+09:30

Archaeology and subversive cross-stitch...

2006-09-13T07:09:00.000+09:30

... Whew, it's been a while hasn't it! I normally don't let that much time go by between entries ... at least not since the great writers block lull of '02. But I'm back, kids! Two weeks of silence, or thereabouts, and I'm back!

What was I doing that was more important that updating this wonderful journal, you ask? Well, there's a few different things. Firstly and most importantly, I was writing my blasted essay for my Historical Archaeology class. Now don't get me wrong, I love that class. It's interesting, the lecturer is great, and the practical sections are more fun than a barrel of monkeys. But that essay just sucked like a five dollar hooker. If I never hear another thing about The Gangs of New York (the essay topic), then it'll be too soon.

I've also taken up a new hobby. Okay, no groaning! I know my hobbies tend to lean towards the outrageous, but this one ... okay, so it's a bit outrageous too. It's something called subversive cross-stitch. So far I've made this one.

Isn't it great! It's become a bit of a movement. People are cross-stitching rude expressions all over the place. I'm in the middle of doing this one at the moment.

And once it's done I'm going to do this one, just to get into the holiday spirit.

I think I'll hang them up on the sides of my bookcases. Not exactly prominent, but somewhere that they'll take people by surprise. What can I say, I'm a subversive cross-stitch convertee...

Steel grey bun comes seperately...

2006-09-01T06:23:00.000+09:30

... As most of you know, I work in a library. Not as a librarian, I work in finance, but I do have some training in that area and I have from time to time filled in for people in those sorts of positions. So I probably have a bit more of an understanding of the whole "librarian mentality" than most of the other non-librarian library employees.

Librarians are passionate. They're passionate about books, about learning, about providing services to the public, about buying good collections, about cataloguing it correctly. Completely and totally passionate. Of course, that can sometimes cause conflicts when it comes to the day-to-day running of a business (and a library is a business just like any other) and priorities have to be compromised, but I guarantee you it's not because of a lack of passion. I can understand it, because a lot of the time I agree with what they're saying.

But I've got to admit, I have no idea what to say about this.

Yep, looks like the Teenaged Mutant Ninja Turtles aren't the only ones to have action figures made of them. This is Nancy Pearl, some librarian from Seattle who had an action figure made, I'm guessing to promote librarians and libraries. Somehow, I don't think she expected the backlash it caused.

They're accusing her of setting the profession back 30 years with her boxy suit, her sensible shoes and her "shushing" finger. I suppose it's true, that's not the image most librarians would like to promote. It's been a long time since people were regularly "shushed" in a library.

But then again they might be taking it a little too seriously. We've got lots of young, modern, very cool librarians around here who work hard at their careers and are becoming the "next generation of librarianship". And a lot of them have this action figure on their desks. Not because they think that's what librarians should aspire to, but because they think it's a good reminder of what it used to be like ... oh, and because of the kitsch value. Can't ignore the kitsch value...

A very clever plan...

2006-08-31T06:29:00.000+09:30

... So it looks like they've dropped the charges against that guy they arrested in the JonBenet Ramsey case. Somehow, it really doesn't surprise me. He was practically screaming "obsessed schizophrenic".

If you ask me, the guy is seriously disconnected from reality and possibly even believes he did it. But none of his statements even came close to what really happened. Oh, there's no doubt that the bloke is a paedophile, and that he probably deserves a nice long term in a eight by ten cell, but he obviously had nothing to do with that little girl's case.

But as someone mentioned to me the other day, isn't it interesting that at the end of it all this guy is back in America in a nice comfortable American jail?

When you think about it, it's really rather clever. I wonder whether his lawyer suggested it or if he came up with it himself. He confesses to a crime he knows he didn't commit and knows the dna evidence won't be able to prove and gets himself extradited back to the US. It's got to be a preferable option to being in a Bangkok jail, not a place I'd chose to be incarcerated.

You've got to give credit where credit's due. It's a damned smart plan. Law and Order smart...

Sexist Telemarketers...

2006-08-29T19:27:00.000+09:30

... Okay, here's a hypothetical question. If a telemarketer hangs up on me because I don't have a husband, should I be insulted that he doesn't see me as a valid potential annoyee, or should I just be glad I got rid of him with so little fuss?

Alright, so it's not really that hypothetical. But I'm serious, I just got a call from a telemarketer who, in a very thick accent I might add, told me he was from some company I'd never even heard of and could he please speak to my husband about mortgages.

Now I'm a renter so I don't have a mortgage, but I didn't even get a chance to tell him that because as soon as I said "Oh, I'm single" he just thanked me for my time and hung up! Sure he was polite, but polite sexism really isn't better than any other sort.

It was as if I couldn't possible talk business because I'm a woman. Must be the ovaries, you obviously can't discuss mortgages if you've got ovaries. Stupid sexist telemarketer.

But then I started to think about it a bit more. Why on earth was I getting upset about it? I may have just discovered the quickest and easiest way to get one of those annoying people off the phone without having to tell them half a dozen times that I don't want to change long distance providers and if they don't stop hassling me I'll speak to their supervisor.

So from now I whenever a telemarketer calls, I'm just going to reply to their first question with "Sorry, I'm single" and hang up. I'll let you all know how it goes...

This is a community announcement...

2006-08-27T12:25:00.000+09:30

... Attention: If I ever lay my hands on the person who invented the underwire bra, I'm going to shove a delicate part of his anatomy (to be decided on at a later date) through a straw, just to see how he likes having said delicate part of his anatomy twisted and mangled to the point where you'd willingly go "free range" as long as you didn't have to see that torturous metal contraption again!

This message was brought to you by the incredibly uncomfortable, yet rather nice looking underwire bras I bought yesterday. Damn your eyes, deceptively good looking bras! Damn your eyes...

Words that amuse me...

2006-08-25T07:29:00.000+09:30

... Some words have gone out of fashion, disappearing like the dinosaurs as the natural evolution of our language progressed. But I've got to be honest, I miss some of them. I think their absense creates a gaping hole in our conversations that the newer alternatives just can't fill.

Therefore, I'd like to put forward for consideration the following list of words I'd like to see brought back into the mainstream of the english language.

* criminy .ie. "Crinimy, that girl's skirt is so short it could be a belt!"
* strumpet .ie. "Can you believe that strumpet? If her skirt were any shorter it'd be a belt!"
* kerfuffle .ie. "She's creating quite a kerfuffle with that belt-like skirt."
* boudoir .ie. "Couldn't she have picked another skirt when she was in her boudior?"
* flabergasted .ie. "I'm flabergasted that she managed to squeeze into that teeny little skirt."

So, my dears, you mission is to adopt these words and use them as much as you can in your day-to-day conversations. If we all work together, I believe we can bring them back into popular use.

Or at least make people look at us like we've got two heads...

The Demise of Neville...

2006-08-22T10:06:00.000+09:30

... From the computer repair shop.

Telepathic scanning...

2006-08-18T07:32:00.000+09:30

... So I took Neville the Laptop into a local computer repair place yesterday afternoon. I guess I'm still hoping that they'll be able to pull a miracle out of their rears and tell me that it's a quick fix job, only take a few minutes, I'll have it back before I even know it's missing. Do you think I might be in denial?

When I handed it over to the guy and told him what was wrong, he nodded reassuringly doing that whole "telepathic scan" thing that service people do when they can't see inside your machine and have to sense what's wrong, and muttered something about soldering this and reattaching this, but of course he'd have to wait for their "laptop guy" to check it out before telling me for sure. Now I'm no expert but even I know that when they talk about soldering and reattaching, it's usually a cheap job. No replacement parts, you see. So my hear soared and the world looked a little bit brighter .

But only for a minute. That's when an older guy, obviously senior to the one who was serving me, came over and did his own "telepathic scan". His comments weren't anywhere near as comforting. As soon as he said the word "motherboard", I knew I was in for a world of financial hurt.

Of course there's no guarantee that this guy would be right and the younger guy would be wrong, but knowing my luck it was very likely. For some reason when something goes wrong with one of my possessions, it's always the worst, most damaging, most expensive thing possible. Always.

But at least now I'll know, and I can decide from there. I've got a nasty feeling though that very soon I'll be hunting for Neville T Laptop the third (this Neville is actually Neville Jr).

Of course, just to rub salt into the wound, I get the e-mail from the broadband provider telling me that my connection is FINALLY ready to go. So here I am, internet faster than anything I've experienced before at my fingertips, and absolutely no way to access it.

I really must have been Jack the Ripper in a past life. It's the only way to explain my karma...

Avenue Q...

2006-08-16T13:42:00.000+09:30

... I'm a huge fan of Avenue Q, but seeing as I live in Australia this is probably the closest I'll ever get to seeing it.

Oh Neville, why hast thou forsaken me...

2006-08-16T11:08:00.000+09:30

... I'm in mourning. Just paint me solemn, slap a black armband on me and call me The Widow Kelstar. Why, you ask? Because last night Neville decided to conk out on me. He's taking a cyber dirt nap. He's pushing up digital daisies. Yep, Neville the Laptop is dead! Long live the Queen!

Alright, I'll stop exagerating. So he's not really dead, he's just having a little trouble being able to work out when his power cord is plugged in. I stick it in his back, and yet he keeps showing me that little battery symbol. Smug little battery symbol! Why won't you disappear?

So when I realised that I had approximately an hour and a half of battery power left before it'd shut off on me, I did the only thing that I could think of ... I called Doofus. Yep, there are definitely some perks to having a computer genius for a brother.

Unfortunately, as good as he is, even he can't fix a hardware problem from around a thousand kilometres away (he's tall, but his arms just aren't that long). After I described what was happening, he knew right away what the problem was. And it's not a cheap problem.

So now I'm going to have to make a decision. Do I take it back to the manufacturer who will definitely fix it, but probably charge me as much as it would cost to buy a whole new computer? Do I gamble on one of the fellows who've done the brave thing and listed their services in the computer repairs section of the yellow pages? Or do I just go out and buy a new computer? Hmm, it's not going to be easy to decide which is the right direction.

Of course this had to happen only days after I'd signed an 18 month contract with a broadband company and only one day after I'd bought all the equipment for it. Murphy's Law, I guess. Oh, I know I'll want it anyway, no matter what I end up doing. Whatever the outcome, I need a computer with the internet. It just seems awfully convenient that at 11am I'm on the phone with the broadband company, getting more and more frustrated with their inability to listen to what I'm saying and eventually just yelling at the girl to stop talking (Honestly, she wouldn't stop! She just kept going on and on even though I told her that wasn't what I was calling about), and by 8pm that night my computer "mysteriously" starts playing up!

Coincidence? I think not!

Alas, poor Neville, we hardly knew ye...

Enterprising bargaining...

2006-08-15T18:36:00.000+09:30

... I stopped by Harvey Norman's last night on my way home. I know, it's hardly one of my usual hangout. All that electrical equipment and computer stuff ... it gives me the willys. But I needed a new modem and Doofus assured me that I'd get it much cheaper at a computer shop than I would buying directly from the internet providerd, so I took a deep breath and entered that Zeus forsaken world.

And it was exactly what I'd expected, packed to the gills with techies, geeks and people who obviously were suffering from vitimin D deficiency. Everywhere there were gamers fondling boxes with titles like "World of Warcraft" and "Syphon Filter Dark Mirror" and "Tekkan 5 Dark Ressurrection". Fondling them the way that I fondle second hand books. That should give you an idea of just how get-a-roomy they were.

But I was determined. I needed that modem, so I marched in and did the thing we women always do when we want a sales assistant to come help us in an electrical, hardware or sporting store. I stood right in the middle of the room and looked around with a lost expression on my face, chewing on a fingernail and occasionally referring to the note in my hand as if I was desperately looking for something. Works every time, within thirty seconds some guy with "Easy Commission" flashing on the inside of his eyelids came bounding over to ask if I needed any assistance.

You bet I did! I thrust the note into his hand and told him that I needed what was written there and I hoped it made sense. And truthfully I did. I had no idea, Doofus had just reeled off a whole string of words and numbers that were either the details of an ADSL modem or the command codes for a nuclear missile housed somewhere off the west coast. I'm sure time will tell which.

But he seemed to understand and rushed off as fast as he could, returning seconds later with a big box that had that string of words and numbers on it. Pretty good chance this was what I needed then! I could buy it, get out of there, and be home before the real peak hour traffic started percolating. But when he told me the price I realised that nothing is ever that simple.

Sixty dollars more than I thought it'd be! Sixty dollars! Now I resented having to hand over the cash for the modem in the first place (for a person who can spend with the best of 'em, I'm surprisingly tight fisted at times) so being told that it would cost me sixty dollars more just annoyed me.

Time to play hardball.

I told him that I'd been told it wouldn't cost more than such and such.

He told me that the ticket price was the RRP.

I told him that I'd seen it for between forty and sixty dollars cheaper online.

He told me (while gesturing to his computer) that the thing had cost THEM more than that.

I told him (while screaming "LIAR LIAR" in my head) that I couldn't buy it at that price.

He told me (reluctantly) that he could drop the price by thirty dollars, but no more as that would bring it down to cost.

I agreed because I really did need that modem, and that brought the price down, if not to the cheapest I'd seen, at least into a reasonable category.

Of course, this means one of the two following is accurate, I'm just not sure which.

"Guess what I did last night! Some sales guy tried to screw me over but I finally beat him into submission and got a fair price."

or

"Guess what I did last night! I managed to screw some poor sales guy out of his commission by making him reduce my purchase to cost."

Which one is true? Your guess is as good as mine...

Politics and cartoons...

2006-08-13T18:52:00.000+09:30

... I liked a lot of different cartoon shows when I was a kid, but there's one that even now stands out in my mind as above and beyond the rest. I think we all remember The Smurfs with a certain sense of nostalgic fondness.

Should I be concerned that it was about miniature blue communistic gnomes, or am I just reading too much into it?

Makes you wonder if Scooby Doo had any serious political affiliation too, doesn't it...

One small step for Kelstar...

2006-08-11T12:37:00.000+09:30

... Over the internet phone.

Doofus: What's up, Kel?
Me: I finally did it! I'm getting broadband!
Doofus: That's great! What's the plan?
Me: It's from that provider you recommended, the third one down in the second lot.
Doofus: (silence)
Me: Doof? You still there?
Doofus: Kel, this is ADSL2.
Me: Yep, that's what the girl said.
Doofus: You're kidding! You're getting ADSL2?
Me: (sarcastically)I believe we've clarified that already.
Doofus: Do you have any idea what it is? It's brilliant, much better than my connection! It's like 24 meg a second, that's about 16 times faster than mine!
Me: (surprised) Really? Huh, well there you go. Why don't you have it if it's so flashy? You're normally right in there for any new toys.
Doofus: It's not available to our area. ADSL2! I can't believe it. It's just not fair!
Me: So that means I'm going to have some sort of technology before you?
Doofus: Uh huh.
Me: Does that make me the technology guru?
Doofus: Oh shut up.
Me: And wouldn't that make you the technology retard?
Doofus: (growls)
Me: Hmm, I think I'm going to like this.
Doofus: (muttering) bite me...