Early morning cussing...

... Don't you just hate it when you wake up in the middle of the night with a horrible cramp in your leg? Two A.M. is just too cruel to find yourself jumping around the bedroom, clutching your calf in agony and cussing in a voice far too loud for that time of the night. I can't be sure, but I think I spied sailors running down the street, clutching their ears and looking shocked.

What can I say, I have a foul mouth when I'm in pain.

**********

I wish I could give you all a fascinating update about all the interesting things I've been doing lately, but it just isn't on the cards. My life has been depressingly boring. I get up, I go to work, I come home. That's about it. Oh well, I guess we can't all live the wild lifestyle. Some of us have to be the boring ones.

I did go to a play on Friday night though. I'd seen this particular play before, directed by the same guy who directed it last time, so I was expecting an enjoyable time. And I did enjoy it ... but lets just say it was an object lesson in why a director should NEVER cast himself as the lead. EVER!!! ESPECIALLY WHEN THE REST OF THE CAST ARE IN THEIR EARLY TWENTIES AND YOU'RE AT LEAST FORTY FIVE AND NOT A VERY GOOD ACTOR ANYWAY!!!

And so sayeth Kelstar, theatre critic extrordinaire...

For the alliance...

... I know, I know, it's been a while since I last updated. But I do have an excuse!

Okay, so it's not a very GOOD excuse, but it's my story and I'm sticking to it. I'm afraid I've been spending all my spare internetting time ... playing World of Warcraft. What can I say, I'm a marketer's dream, and World of Warcraft is EXTREMELY addictive!

Personally, I blame Doofus. Him and his free 10 day trial pass. Who knew you could become so engrossed in a computer game! But to be completely fair, it's much more than a game. I've played games before, things like Tomb Raider and the like, and they just don't have the same appeal.

I think it's because when you play a normal game, it's just that. A game. You have a goal to achieve and once you've done it then you've won. But with World Of Warcraft it's ongoing. You create a character. Grow them. Improve their skills and their protections. You take them on quests and go visit different places. I never thought I'd get excited about going to a new virtual town or shire, but I do! And it all happens in real time, which just adds to that whole reality feeling. Thus the virtual reality tag, I suppose.

But I suppose it's no excuse for not updating. After all I could do it during my lunch breaks if I really wanted to. It's just a bit unfortunate that over the past couple of weeks I've either been working through my lunches, or I've been down the back with the stitch bitches knitting my little heart out. Oh yeah, you don't want to get between a librarian and her knitting, let me tell you!

So I promise I'll be a little more dilligent in the future. At least I will after my WOW character has visited Darkshire. I've still got to get the case of moonshine to finish the "Dry Times" quest. Oh, and I have to catch all the sunfish at the lake at Redridge, not to mention catching the spiders for the Westfalls Stew ... okay, I admit it, I have a problem ... but I'm enjoying it too much to care...

First level mage seeks quest to fail at...

... Well I'm not sure if my internet problems were the providers fault, the modem's fault, or the work of a gypsy curse, but when I plugged the new modem in yesterday afternoon everything was hunky and/or dory again. At least as much as it had been before. Sure the system still shut down at 8.30pm and hadn't come back when I went to bed at eleven, but at least it was there again this morning ... a definite improvement on what it was doing before.

So I'm forced to do something I'm loath to ... I'm forced to apologise to the internet provider. I'm sorry, Mr Internet Provider, it looks like it may have been the modem's fault after all. Unless the problem is that the system got repaired in between when I unplugged the old one and set up the new one. Or unless you guys got so fed up with me calling about the service dropping out that you shot a bolt of electricity down the phone line to fry my poor modem as an act of vigilante justice. If that's the case, than I withdraw my accusation withdrawl.

But once the infernal internet system from the nether reaches of a hell dimension came back online, I got to do something that I've been meaning to do for a very long time. I got to try out World of Warcraft!

I can totally see why people become so addicted to that game. Doofus and SIL helped walk me through the steps of setting up a character and then taught me how to operate it. We even got to go on a quest or two and check out the local tavern. It's very intricate, isn't it! Kind of puts "Where In The World Is Carmen Sandiago" into perspective.

I've only got a 10 day visitor pass so when that runs out I guess I'll have to decide if I want to keep playing. Of course, everyone keeps warning me that if I start playing it, it'll become an obsession because it hits everyone like that. And I need another obsession like I need a hole in the head. But we'll see. If at the end of the ten days I can't live without it, I'll have to look into signing up properly...

Rising levels of frustration...

... Well, this weekend wasn't quite the chock-a-block net surfing experience I had planned. It turns out broadband internet isn't quite as straight forward as dial-up. After having several days of speedy, yet unreliable access to the internet, my system just turned up it's toes and refused to work any more on Saturday afternoon. And I'd only just discovered the joys of podcasts!

Oh sure, kids, they all tell you that broadband is the newest, fastest way to assess the net, but don't be fooled by the slick advertising and the promise of dazzling fast service. It's really just a ploy to get you to fork over sixty dollars a month for the privilage of getting to call a help desk for several hours and still having no better access at the end of the call than you had at the beginning.

I'd started with Doofus, always my first port of call when it comes to computer troubles, but there's only so much he could do from Canberra with no way of seeing what my connection was doing. So rather than monopolise all of his Saturday night, I called the helpdesk and eventually got put onto a guy who told me his name was Don, even though he sounded like he was probably in New Delhi somewhere.

Of course, Don was much better than I the guy I spoke to before him, who no matter what I said insisted that I was trying to tell him my internet cord wasn't long enough to reach the wall socket. Just how he got that from the simple statement "my service has dropped out" remains a mystery.

Not that the other people I spoke to didn't have their fair share of misunderstood comments and illogical requests. One of them actually asked me to turn the modem upside down. To turn the modem upside down! Can you believe that! I don't know what's worse, that I did it when he asked, or that for a split second it actually made complete sense to me. Oh yes, turn the modem upside down, that'll do it! Of course, I have the excuse that I'd been on the line with them for several hours at that point and I may have been a wee bit delusional.

And what do they say at the end of all the testing and the instructing and the making me jump through hoops? Hardware problem. Yep, when all else fail, blame the modem. So now I have to take the damned thing back to the shop and exchange it for another. That's going to be fun, cause electronic stores just LOVE to exchange faulty items.

Oh, I know there are worse thing in the world than a faulty internet connection, but I'm still frustrated. That alternative Amish lifestyle is looking better and better every day. Churning butter couldn't be harder than all this...