Captain Picard: The Musical...

... You know, it really doesn't get much better than watching a Starship Captain singing an old fashioned Vaudeville song...

Happy Friday...

... Well stick a feather in my hair and call me tickled pink if it isn't Friday! Happy Friday everyone! And aren't I glad that it's finally come. This week has been a nightmare, workwise. We're slap bang in the middle of budget forecasting season, which of course means ridiculous amounts of work for us.

And of course the past couple of days have been the worst given that all the managers woke up on the deadline day and suddenly thought "Hmm, perhaps I'd better have a look at that budget thingie", right before they realised they didn't have a clue and all booked back to back meetings with us. It always amazes me how they can do it every single year.

But I'm not going to think about any of it for the next two days. All I'm going to think about is how I've finally got a replacement for the dearly departed Neville the Computer, courtesy of Doofus, and I can now give my brand new internet access a thorough workout. And believe me, it's going to get a workout. I'll be amazed if I sleep at all this weekend.

Not that I haven't given a good go already. I've only been connected for three days and already I've used up about 800 meg of my download allowance. Thank Zeus I decided to go for the 30 gig account.

I've got to admit though, I've got one secret, dirty little desire as far as downloading things goes. I desperately want ... I can't believe I'm going to say this ... to find a copy of Young Riders. Do any of you remember that show? It was about all these wild west characters riding for the pony express and I was addicted to it back when I was in High School.

I know, extremely nerdy, but what can I say. No matter how bad it makes me look, it's still not as incriminating as my penchant for the WB Dawson's Creek spinoff, Young Americans. Now it takes a truely committed fan to admit to liking THAT show...

Marital similarities...

... It's strange, isn't it, how some people end up marrying someone who looks just like them. I know, that seems to come completely out of the blue, but there is a method to my madness.

You see, most mornings I stop by a coffee shop on my way to work. Sometimes to get a toasted sandwich for breakfast, sometimes just to get a drink, and occasionally just to pay the bill for the library's catering account. And every morning when I arrive there's always this couple sitting in the corner. Every morning without fail. Her with her coffee milkshake and him with his cappuchino.

The thing that always gets me about this couple though is the similarities. They both look so much alike! Honestly, you'd swear they were brother and sister ... at least you would until they started making out.

And this is a bit of a trend I've noticed in our society. You can see it in any Sunday paper on the weddings page. The number of people marrying partners that could be related to them is astonishing! Zeus knows, even my cousin married a girl who looked so much like him I almost did a double take the first time I met her.

I wonder why that is? I mean, you'd think the whole don't-marry-your-brother-or-your-kids-will-have-two-heads taboo would stop those sort of shenanigans, but it doesn't seem to have any effect. I wonder if they even realise they're doing it!

Of course, I remember reading an article once in a magazine that said we're instinctually attracted to people who have similar features to ourselves. Something about a subconscious desire to preserve genetic integrity. Of course, they were talking about things like the ratio of eyebrows to eyelids and the width of nostrils. Not the freaky similarities you see with some of these couples.

Hmm, it's interesting, isn't it. Perhaps I should write a paper about it, do a thesis or something. Of course, I'll have to be careful with my line of questioning. Somehow, I don't think "So, were you unaware you were marrying someone who looks like you're sister, or are you just into that sort of thing?" is going to go down so well...

Enough already...

... I've tried to keep quiet about it. I've tried not to speak ill of the dead. After all, with the way everyone's going on about it I'd probably be dragged out into the street and strung up as an example to the rest of society. But I can't keep silent any longer! I have something to say.

My life is in no way, shape or form affected by the death of Steve Irwin. I'm sorry if this upsets anyone, but it's just the truth, plain and simple.

Honestly, I planned on keeping my head down and my mouth shut until all the broo-ha-ha had blown over, but it doesn't seem like that's going to happen any time soon. First there was the news coverage, then the thousands of people gathering at his animal park. That was followed by his funeral and then by his memorial service. It just keeps going on and on! At this rate the first anniversary of his death will have come around before they all stop!

I know I seem cold-hearted, but lets be honest. None of us were really that impressed with him when he was alive. Okay, so maybe the Americans were, but we Aussies pretty much just tolerated him. The fact that he died really doesn't change that, and I refuse to be a hypocrite and start declaring myself "heartbroken" now he's gone. He was a twit! A harmless twit, sure, but a twit none-the-less.

I mean it was only a year or two ago that we were all screaming for his blood when he dangled that poor son of his over a croc! Lets face it, he didn't have the best track record when it came to being responsible. So the fact that he was killed by one of the wild animals he kept insisting on hugging/kissing/wrestling/fondling at every given opportunity? Not really that big a surprise. Of course I always assumed, along with most people, that it'd be a crocodile that'd take him out.

So I'm going to make a plea on behalf of all of us who really don't give a rats. Please stop with all the mourning for Steve Irwin. Sure, it's sad and I'm sorry for his family, but I think the 24/7 media coverage is really going a wee bit over the top...

Corporate wardrobe...

... I got the fright of my life last night when I was driving home from the shops. I was following some station wagon along the main road, not paying any particular attention to it, when we hit a bit of a dip in the road and suddenly my headlights shone straight onto the hideous thing clinging to it just below the boot.

My first thought was that it'd backed into some poor, unsuspecting animal and now it was left stuck to the left rear light, it's face still twisted in a horrible grimace. But then I saw that it actually seemed to be reaching out, as if climbing down off the car. It looked so much like a monster, or at least like what I used to think a monster looked like when I was a kid. That's when I pretty much panicked.

Okay, so common sense should have told me it was a plastic toy put there on purpose, and a dodgy looking one at that. But it was late at night ... and it was dark ... and it all happened in a split second ... and just shut up! You weren't there!

**********

Our office is getting to the point now where we're just about ready to move into our shiny new building. Yep, the spank'n new library that's been almost three years in the making is finally done and we're excitedly preparing for our new lives as corporatey type people.

Not that we have the faintest clue how to go about being corporatey type people. You've got to understand, up until now we've always been a bit ... shall we say trailer-trash? Okay, so maybe that's a bit harsh, but we're definitely not the businesswear matching furniture corporate image types.

Now we've even got something that they're calling our "Corporate Wardrobe". Not uniforms, mind you. Apparently we're not allowed to use the "U" word. We've got to call it a corporate wardrobe. Actually, to be fair, it's rather nice. Just a plain black shirt with the red logo printed on the back to one side.

It's a bit of a relief, actually. Ever since we found out about the uniforms which aren't, I was afraid they were going to start dressing us like a bunch of credit union employees. I mean, I like blue print polyester with flame coloured scarves as much as the next person, but I don't particularly want to spend my working life in them...

Just a quick one...

... I think it's a mystery that will never be solved. Why, exactly, do people just decide not to come to training courses we hold to show them how to forecast their budgets, and then think that we'll drop everything a couple of weeks later to hand hold them through it all when they realise they haven't got a frick'n clue what they're doing?

No, seriously! Does anyone know why?

**********

Have I told you guys how much love my Uni class this semester? I haven't had this much fun in ages! So far we've done practicals on classifying ceramics, glass and photographs. Last night was the photographs section and we had a ball! They broke us up into pairs and had us describe the photo and estimate a date given the evidence. Thank god they didn't make us draw it this time.

For the first one, the ceramics, we each did our own classification and it involved drawing a picture of our artefact. Lets just say I'm not going to be winning any awards for my stunning illustrations! The next week with the bottles we were in groups of six and we just got the best drawer in the lot to do the sketch. But this time we just had to describe it. Lucky too, given the amount of detail we ended up with.

It was a photo of three teenage girls, all standing around in their best winter outfits and leaning on papier mache logs set up to look like a fence. Very tacky! We ended up christening them Beryl, Myrtle and Harriet. Quite the scary bunch, I must say! But we dated it easily enough to the 1880's so that was fine.

Next week is "miscellaneous items", so that should be interesting to see what he puts in that category...

From Control Headquarters...

... From Control Headquarters, otherwise known as Kelstar's parents kitchen.

Mum: Sweetheart, could you do me a favour?

Me: Sure, what?

Mum: (handing over a leaflet) This is one of the townhouses in this complex that's up for sale. Can you call up the real-estate and find out how much it's going for? They didn't put a price on the sheet.

Me: Um ... okay. But why not do it yourself?

Mum: They might recognise me!

Me: The real-estate people? But why would... Okay, whatever. So, what's the number?

Mum: Here you go, and don't forget to block our number so they can't see who's calling.

Me: No problem.

Mum: And don't use your real name.

Me: Okay.

Mum: And don't give them our number! Or your own!

Me: Alright, Mum! It's not like I haven't done this before!

Mum: (raises eyebrows)

Me: ... but this isn't about me, it's about this. Okay, it's ringing.

*Real-estate agent answers*

Me: Oh, hi, my name is Kelstar Smythe, and I was wondering about the price of the town house you've got up for sale ... yep, that's the one ... uh huh ... two ninety nine ... okay then, that's great ... my number?

Mum: (gestures wildly not to give it)

Me: ... Ah, well I'm afraid I can't give you this number ... oh, alright then ... 0414 729 337 ... yep, great ... okay then, thanks a lot.

*hangs up*

Mum: You gave them a number! I told you not to give them a number! And what number was that anyway? I don't recognise it!

Me: Mum, calm down! That was the real-estate agents number. She was giving it to me and I was repeating it.

Mum: (relaxing) Oh, thank god! When you started to reel off those numbers I wasn't sure WHAT you were doing.

Me: You know what, Mum?

Mum: What's that, sweetie.

Me: From now on, perhaps you should do your own reconnaissance work...

Kelstar's Tribute to Diet Coke...

Archaeology and subversive cross-stitch...

... Whew, it's been a while hasn't it! I normally don't let that much time go by between entries ... at least not since the great writers block lull of '02. But I'm back, kids! Two weeks of silence, or thereabouts, and I'm back!

What was I doing that was more important that updating this wonderful journal, you ask? Well, there's a few different things. Firstly and most importantly, I was writing my blasted essay for my Historical Archaeology class. Now don't get me wrong, I love that class. It's interesting, the lecturer is great, and the practical sections are more fun than a barrel of monkeys. But that essay just sucked like a five dollar hooker. If I never hear another thing about The Gangs of New York (the essay topic), then it'll be too soon.

I've also taken up a new hobby. Okay, no groaning! I know my hobbies tend to lean towards the outrageous, but this one ... okay, so it's a bit outrageous too. It's something called subversive cross-stitch. So far I've made this one.

Isn't it great! It's become a bit of a movement. People are cross-stitching rude expressions all over the place. I'm in the middle of doing this one at the moment.

And once it's done I'm going to do this one, just to get into the holiday spirit.


I think I'll hang them up on the sides of my bookcases. Not exactly prominent, but somewhere that they'll take people by surprise. What can I say, I'm a subversive cross-stitch convertee...

Steel grey bun comes seperately...

... As most of you know, I work in a library. Not as a librarian, I work in finance, but I do have some training in that area and I have from time to time filled in for people in those sorts of positions. So I probably have a bit more of an understanding of the whole "librarian mentality" than most of the other non-librarian library employees.

Librarians are passionate. They're passionate about books, about learning, about providing services to the public, about buying good collections, about cataloguing it correctly. Completely and totally passionate. Of course, that can sometimes cause conflicts when it comes to the day-to-day running of a business (and a library is a business just like any other) and priorities have to be compromised, but I guarantee you it's not because of a lack of passion. I can understand it, because a lot of the time I agree with what they're saying.

But I've got to admit, I have no idea what to say about this.

Yep, looks like the Teenaged Mutant Ninja Turtles aren't the only ones to have action figures made of them. This is Nancy Pearl, some librarian from Seattle who had an action figure made, I'm guessing to promote librarians and libraries. Somehow, I don't think she expected the backlash it caused.

They're accusing her of setting the profession back 30 years with her boxy suit, her sensible shoes and her "shushing" finger. I suppose it's true, that's not the image most librarians would like to promote. It's been a long time since people were regularly "shushed" in a library.

But then again they might be taking it a little too seriously. We've got lots of young, modern, very cool librarians around here who work hard at their careers and are becoming the "next generation of librarianship". And a lot of them have this action figure on their desks. Not because they think that's what librarians should aspire to, but because they think it's a good reminder of what it used to be like ... oh, and because of the kitsch value. Can't ignore the kitsch value...