One million blogs...

... Hey, have any of you guys seen this before? It's a pretty clever idea, isn't it!

Think about it, a dollar a spot, for a million spots, that's a million dollars. Even if he redistributes half of it, he's still got a cool half million left in his pocket. It's certainly an interesting way of going about it, I don't think I've ever seen it done before.

And because I can't be left out of anything, I've bought my square. Only one, mind you. I'm not made of money. But I want my shot at a share just as much as the next blogger....

My least favourite mountain...

... Has anyone else read about this lately? I've got to say, sometimes I'm stunned by the callousness of human beings. If that's the sort of attitude you've got to have to be able to make it to the top of Mt Everest, then I'm proud to say I'll never do it.

I can't even fathom the idea! Just letting some poor bloke die, all alone on the side of the mountain, because you want to get to the top. I know they couldn't save him, and I'm sure staying with him or bringing him down again would have effectively forfeited their chances of getting to the top, but can anyone really question whether it would have been the right thing to do?

I think that's what scares me the most, the fact that these people climbing up that mountain, they actually thought getting to the top was more important than helping a dying man. Even if all they could have done was be with him when he finally died, surely that would have been worth the sacrifice.

If it was a friend or family member of mine, I'd like to think that someone would be willing to stay with them and try to help them in any way they could, rather than saying to themselves there's nothing they could do and walking away. Think of it from that poor guy's perspective, watching as group after group just walked by, none of them with any intention of staying and helping him. To have to spend your last few hours like that must have been torturous.

I think it's safe to say that Mt Everest is now my least favourite mountain. If that's what it does to people, makes them care more about winning than helping a dying man, then I don't want anything to do with it...

Origin losses and Sizzler Salad Bar...

... So last night was the State of Origin, and in an attempt to NOT have to listen to all the neighbours yelling, screaming and booing at their television screens, I opted to go out to dinner with friends. You don't know what the State of Origin is? Well, think of the Australian version of the Superbowl, except it's played as a "two out of three wins" over a couple of months and it's more of an English rugby game than an American football one. Lets just say that those who are sportingly inclined tend to get rather worked up about the whole thing.

Take work yesterday. We were all informed by S that we had to wear maroon (the Queensland colour), and that we were having a morning tea to "wish the team a good game". Not that it worked, given that they lost by one point (or so cute guy told me at the cafe this morning) in the last few minutes of the game. I'm sure the guys at work will be just DELIGHTFUL to be around this morning.

But anyway, back to dinner! So we all decided to go to dinner, ostensibly to celebrate my twenty eleventh birthday, but I think it was just as much to try and avoid the Origin fever that was bound to take over anywhere beer was served. And that, my friends is how we found ourselves sitting around in a suburban Sizzler, discussing dirty video clips that get passed on via e-mail and how it's alway guys who send and receive them, never women (don't even ask how that came up in the conversation, I couldn't tell you and I'm fairly sure the others couldn't either).

We thought it was rather brave of us to face Sizzler again after what happened earlier in the year. Lots of jokes were traded about whether the pasta salad had a strange taste and whether the guy guarding the salad bar (who looked about 15 years old, by the way), would crash tackle us if we tried to empty a sashet of Sweet'n'Low into the tomatoes. We didn't test the theory, but it was fun to imagine anyway.

I was a bit out of sorts, unfortunately. Just one of those phases of exhaustion meets stress, resulting in one rather quiet and not a little cranky Kelstar. But even just sitting there and being cranky with my friends is worth it. There's nothing like T's gutter talk to cheer a girl up, and B, rather than being a discouraging wife, just eggs him one.

It looks like most of us are still going to go to Trivia next week, so that should be fun. I'll just have to hope I won't be quite so stressed so I can enjoy it properly. Work is being a right bastard at the moment, with everyone getting completely stressed out. J asked me the other day why it was so busy when there's a whole month before the end of financial year. When I listed all the things we still had to do before that date, I realised it was no wonder we were all walking around with perpetual frowns.

Oh well, it can't last forever. Either it settles down, or I readopt that whole "move to Nimbin and become a hippie" plan. Yeah, it's looking better and better...

Early Morning Antics...

... Four days and counting until I hit twenty eleven! Huh, that came around quickly, didn't it. One minute it's Christmas, the next new years, then suddenly it's Easter and my birthday's right around the corner. Is it just me, or is time going more quickly than it used to?

Some people tell me it has to do with getting older, so I'm going to arbitrarily blame the dreaded thirties. Just like I blame them for the bits of skin on my eyelids that don't quite pop back into place when you pinch them anymore, the vast expanses of calf that when pressed with a finger bear a remarkable resemblance to a map of the BrisVegas train system, and the little od hair on my chin which I prefer to think of as eyelashes that got lost on their way home. Some people would say that a little eye cream, moisturiser and electrolysis would fix all that. My reply ... SHUT UP PEOPLE!

But the one thing I've found about getting older is that you just don't get the "tingles" as often as you did when you were still young and foolish enough to believe in things like true love, love at first sight, soulmates, etc. Note, I said not as often, thus the topic of this entry. You see, for the first time in a long time, I've been having those "tingles".

And in true adolescent tradition, the tingles are for someone I barely know, have only seen for around three minutes at a time, and whose name I couldn't even guess. Now THERE'S some teen angst for you!

You see, there's a coffee shop I like to go to some mornings to get breakfast. It's cheap, the owner is friendly and knows me by name, and it's conveniently located right next door to my office. But in the last week or so, whenever I've been in there getting my toasted sandwich another customer has been there too. A very cute customer. With an american accent. And a nice smile. And I'm sounding like that teenager again, aren't I.

I don't even know his name, there's really no reason I should. We have that sort of aquaintance where we will smile and say good morning, and we will have a conversation, but it's generally limited to things in our immediate view. And I tend to spend a lot of time agreeing. For example, here's an approximation of our conversation from this morning.

Cute Guy: Good morning.
Me: Hi!
CG: Nice weather, isn't it.
Me: Uh huh.
CG: Bit colder than normal, but it's a nice change.
Me: (smiling) Yep.
CG: I wouldn't want to be those guys out on the bikes.
*Gestures to bike riders passing*
Me: (giggles) Me either, they must be freezing.
CG: Oh look! That dog's out again! (nb. "that dog" escapes from it's yard every morning)
Me: Oh yeah, poor thing! I hope he doesn't run onto the road.
CG: He seems to know what he's doing. Must live around here.
Me: Probably.
*Girl behind counter hands him his breakfast*
CG: Well, I'll see you later.
Me: Yep, see you next time.
*CG leaves*
Coffee Shop Owner: Smooth, Kel, very smooth.
Me: Oh, shut up!

Well, I guess it's nice to know that whether I'm 13 or 30, I still have the ability to act like a babbling mess around a guy I'm attracted to...

Leonardo's got a lot to answer for...

... Okay, I know it's hardly an original topic, but I figured everyone else has had a shot at it so it's my turn. With regards to The DaVinci Code, it's relevance, it's morals, it's threat to christianity, it's value as a conspiracy theory, I've just got to say ... I'm sorry, but I can't muster up enough enthusiasm to even give a damn.

Okay, lets get this all out on the table from the get go, shall we? The book was NOT very good! Sure the storyline was interesting, but the writing was enough to make an illiterate octogenarian cringe! To be quite frank with you all, I don't have the faintest idea how it got so popular. I thought the general public had more discerning tastes than that, but obviously I was mistaken.

With regards to the movie, I haven't seen it yet so I couldn't comment. Perhaps it's great. Perhaps it's crap. Perhaps Tom Hanks should have called it a day with You've Got Mail. Perhaps Ron Howard needs a serious reality check. Perhaps everyone just needs a cool refreshing glass of SHUT THE HELL UP ABOUT THE DAMNED MOVIE ALREADY!!!

I'd be quite happy to let it have it's run and then sink into movie obsurity along with the countless other "blockbusters" that Hollywood cranks out each year, but now I'm being subjected to arguement after arguement about whether it was true, could it have been true, if it was true then did that mean Jesus did the dirty deed, and if he did then what does that mean.

You know, I get it, some people are offended by the film. Fair enough, everyone's entitled to their own opinion. But then again I was offended by Jackass, but I didn't think that gave me the right to want to censor it!

You know what guys? Who gives a rats! I mean seriously, it's a work of fiction! No one's claiming that it's real. No one's claiming that any of it ever happened. It's just a damned book. All this controversy would be like people getting worked up because they thought The Matrix might be real! Or that The Terminator might have a basis in fact that'll rock our world view! Or that the Titanic really did sin ... oh yeah, that one did happen, didn't it. But the point is, it's a story!

I suppose the end result is we should be congratulating Ron Howard. All the controversy has publicised this movie better than any amount of advertising ever could. Well that's nice, a few more millions for him I guess...

Lazy Sunday...

... Don't you just love Sundays? The lazing around, no obligations or responsibilities. Being free to sit in your dressing gown for hours after you would have been up, dressed, and off to work on a week day. It's funny, but it's almost like for one day out of the week you genuinely forget about the clock. Every other day you live by the damned thing, but Sunday's are timeless because you hardly ever plan anything on them that requires you to be checkiing what time it is.

Of course, it could be I'm waxing poetical about them because I also have Monday off this week, so I'm not thinking of it with the shadow of "Damn, I've got to go to work tomorrow".

Don't you just love subjectiveness?

**********

You know I'm starting to get more worried about Bella the Neurotic Cockatiel. She's getting more and more unpredictable as time goes on. I'm guessing she has the birdie equivilant of dementia, and she was never the sanest of birds, but it's gotten much worse lately.

She still comes out every morning to sit on her stand in front of the mirror and goes back into her cage to sleep at nights, but now you never know whether she'll jump on your finger and demand a scratch behind the ear or bombdive you as soon as you enter the room. There's just no logic behind what she does anymore.

It used to be if she was acting strange, there was always at least a semi-sensible reason for it, but now it's completely random. I'm starting to think I'll eventually have to stop taking her out of the cage at all. It's a shame, but if I can't be sure she'll jump on my finger to go back in again, then I can't let her out.

It's making me feel like a guilty bird Mum though.

**********

I'm currently having a massive denial fit. Oh yeah, on the denial metre, where 1 is a little and 10 is a lot, I'm currenty around the 47 mark. And what about, you ask? Laundry!

Oh, not the every day clothes laundry, that gets done just fine, I'm just falling a little behind in my linen washing. And by a little, I mean two weeks. That's four sets of sheets, people! No small task when you look at it like that!

You see every three days or so I change the sheets on my bed and the towels in the bathroom, and put the dirty ones in the laundry basket, the idea being I'll wash them all either when I get the chance, or in one lot on the weekend. But I didn't do them last weekend, so here I am with a pile of linen that looks like the leaning tower of Piza and the anticipation of at least half a days work ahead of me.

Perhaps I should just toss it all in the boot of the car and take it down to the laundromat. Giant washing machines, industrial strength driers, three year old gossip magazines, who doesn't love that? But you see that would involve me actually getting dressed, so I don't see that happening in the very near future.

And this, my friends, is why you should only ever own two sets of sheets. That way you'll be forced to wash them as you take them off...

Children's Literature: Kelstar's must read list...

... I know I've mentioned it before, but I'm a huge fan of children's literature. There's just something about it, the innocnece and the purity of the writing I suppose, that appeals to me. Of course, it could be because I look at it through the rose coloured glasses of someone who used to go to bed early in order to finish that story book rather than staying up and watching TV, but I like to think that it's more than that.

So, I thought for today's entry, gentle reader, I'd do a quick rundown of the childrens' books that were the most influential for me and explain to you why. Some of them are well known favourites, others were gems I happened upon completely by accident, but they're all books that helped make me who I am today and for that I'm grateful.

The Narnia Books: I still remember being about 9 years old and listening as my teacher read out "A Horse and His Boy" to us during story time. He was nice enough to lend me a copy of one of the others, I think it was "Prince Caspian", and from that point on I was hooked. I read all seven in short order and they were cemented forever in my favourites list. I know I'm not exactly alone in this (as the billion dollar movie proves) but it's something that needs to be clarified. The movie was brilliant, and I loved the special effects and the way they'd put a lot of thought into the reasons behind the actions, but it's no substitute for the books themselves. I think when I read these books it was the first time I fully considered the idea of other worlds. Of things being completely different, yet strangely familiar. It was a great one from a moral perspective, it taught tolerance and love for everyone and doing what you know is right, but I think it's the fluidity of reality that I loved about it best. Unfortunately, I've been told by a few of the people I've lent them to that reading them for the first time as an adult doesn't have quite the same impact. I guess it's a kid thing.

What Katy Did: I'm guessing that most people overlook this one nowdays. It probably seems incredibly old fashioned, but I think it's possibly one of the most timeless portrayals of a 12 year old girl you'll ever read. Katy IS every pre-teen I've ever met, and also the one I was. She's selfish, but she knows it and tries to think of others. She's thoughtless, but she's truely sorry when things go bad. She wants to be a better person, a great person, but she's just not quite sure how to go about it. There was something in that character I really related to and we bonded in that first book. It was enough to send me scouring the libraries for the other four in the series, three of which I found relatively easily but the last was ridiculously hard to come by. I finally found a kind woman who e-mailed me an e-copy so I could AT LAST find out what happened to them all in the end. If any of you out there are Katy fans and haven't read the last one yet (called In The High Valley), feel free to ask and I'll send you a copy.

Mary Poppins: Ah, this was definitely my favourite out of all those "whimsical" kids books. I know my father is more of a Peter Pan buff, but I loved Mary Poppins from day dot. And I don't mean that sacchrine sweet, peaches and cream Walt Disney version either. No offence to Julie Andrew or anything, but that movie really wasn't in the spirit of the books. In them Mary was plain, unremarkable, but still saw herself as an important person, and because she saw herself as that, she was. Now THERE'S an example of self confidence for you. Of course, the most important part of the Mary Poppins stories was the magic. When I read this, it was the first time I'd read a book where magic was considered to be ... normal. It was just the way things were. A tea party on the ceiling? A zoo full of human beings in cages? A little old lady who glues the stars into the skies? They were all treated as completely normal, almost pedestrian, and I really do think that helped me to develop my imagination. By being made to accept those things as possible, I was able to accept other things too. From then on, anything was fair game.

Swiss Family Robinson: This was one of the "boy" books, so I'm really quite surprised I ever got around to reading it. I did favour the girls stories, I confess. But however it happened, I did read Swiss Family Robinson and I'm glad I did. This is the book that, if I'm ever stuck on a deserted tropical island, I want it with me. It was like a 'how to" of living on a deserted island. Want to build a house? Erect a bridge? Make a boat? This book almost gave you blow by blow instructions, that's how detailed it was. The characterisation wasn't really of the same standard as some of the other books I'd read, but the content more than made up for it I thought. This was the book that taught me boys books could be just as valid and have just as much to offer.

Chalet School Series: I'm giving my final spot the a series of books, rather than an individual title. Anyone who's read the Chalet books will know exactly what I'm talking about when I say they're a must read. They're formulaic, the writing leans a little towards repetitive and the storylines can be quite ludicrous, but they still remain the most popular girls boarding school books ever. There were around 60 of them in all, written between the early 30's up to the late 60's or early 70's, and once you start reading them it's difficult to stop. Think of Babysitters Club or Saddle Club, but written 70 years ago. I think the thing that makes them so popular is the wonderfully created characters and the ongoing storyline. The characters are just what you want in a story like this, some are nice, some are friendly, some are flawed be redeamable. They all compliment each other so well that it helps you to overlook any of the flaws in the writing. You genuinely care about these people. And the continuing storyline doesn't hurt either. If you cared about one girl, then imagine getting to read about her daughters and granddaughters, all going to the same school she attended. I highly recommend these books, if for no other reason than it's a wonderful little glimpse at a life that most of us never experienced.

I could go on forever, but these are five of my favourites and I can highly recommend any of them. Each leant a little bit to who I became and for that I thank them...

Blog Marketing: An Adventure...

... I don't think I was cut out to be a columnist. Cause that's what these things are, right? Pseudo newspaper columns where we spill our guts to an unseen and unnamed public? We write. We hypothesise. We wax poetical, hypothetical, and manaical. It's kind of like being Carrie Bradshaw ... but without the cool New York apartment or the six figure income.

But accepting reality, admitting that a hit count of around a hundred a day propbably isn't going to bring the column offers streaming in, I decided that it was time to accept my fate. I sat down, took a good hard look at myself and admitted it. I have a blog! Yes, a blog, and I need to do whatever is neccessary to make it the best damned blog out there! It's going to be tough, it's going to require sacrifices, but I think I'm up to the challenge.

And that stream of thoughts, my friends, is what has led me on my latest little obscessive/compulsive jaunt. Once I decided that I had to make this "The Blog to End All Blogs", I found myself scouring the internet, trying to work out just HOW one can market their literary baby and bring it to the public's attention.

Turns out there's a whole host of possibilities, some more time consuming than others. I haven't been doing them long enough to determine whether they'll make a difference to my hit count, but I thought you all might be interested anyway.

So, without further ado, EVERYTHING KELSTAR WANTED TO KNOW ABOUT BLOG MARKETING, BUT WAS AFRAID TO ASK!

My first stop ended up being blog lists and search engines. There are literally HUNDREDS of them out there. I've got to say, I'm not sure how effective they'll be in bringing more people here, but it's free to sign up so I went ahead and did it anyway. Do a google search for "blog directory" and you'll get more possibilities than you'll ever be able to take advantage of.

One slight variation on that whole "blog list" theme was a site called blogexplosion.com. It's put a bit of a spin on the whole thing, allowing you to bring traffic to your site by you going to other people's sites. You earn half a credit each time you visit another site, and one credit will equate to one visit to your site. Or you can "purchase" banner ads on their site for 36 ads per credit. Again, probably not the perfect solution, but at least they're offering you a definite number of visitors.

I tried reciprocal banner ads for a while, but that didn't pan out. Out of the thousand odd banners of mine that apparently got shown, I only got one click through. Of course, it's one of those things you can set up and then leave running without maintaining it, so maybe you'll want to do it anyway. Horses for courses.

One of the cute little things I found is from a site called blogrolling.com. Basically it's a way of putting links to all your favourite blogs onto your site, and they maintain the list. They even give you a little button that you put in your menu bar and when you find a blog you like, you just press the button and it adds it automatically to your list. Very clever, I must say! And it gives you the potential of reciprocal links if the people you've linked to see and decide to return the favour.

Finally, I read something somewhere that said you should always put your blog address on your outgoing emails, especially the funny joke ones. Makes sense I suppose, those things can end up in the inboxes of thousands of people by the time they've been forwarded on. It's something to think about, at least.

So that's what I've learnt so far. Not much, I know, and I'm sure there are still oodles of things that I'll come across as time goes on. If any of you guys know a cool little trick or a snazzy secret, do tell! Of course, that's assuming this O/D fit doesn't wear off before then. Still, what can it hurt?

Petrol prices and long weekends...

... I can't believe the price of petrol lately! I actually paid $1.35 a litre last night. Utterly ridiculous! That's about 20 cents more than I pay for milk. The difference is I don't buy 80 litres of milk a month.

It's funny to think it was half that only a few years ago. Pretty soon I'm going to have to start thinking about selling the car and buying a horse and buggy. Cars are so expensive to run these days. Once you add up petrol, insurance, maintenance, parking, registration and even loan repayments, you can't help wondering if it's worth it.

Surely it can't cost that much to feed one measly horse. I could keep him in the carport, and he could stay in my parking spot at work during the day. I'm sure I could let him graze on the grass in the backyard (it could use a bit of a mow) and perhaps on my leftover carrots. Horses like carrots, right?

**********

I'm SO needing a break right now, so it's with the greatest joy in the world that I announce (insert fanfare here) ... I'M HAVING A FOUR DAY WEEKEND!!!

As it turns out, I've got quite a lot of flex time up and if I don't take some, I'll soon start to lose it. Add to that the fact that this might be the last chance I get to have a few days off before the end of financial year deluge, and I decided that I should use up some of those flex hours.

You see, in a few weeks time my workplace, or to be more specific, my department, will start to change from the funloving, easygoing bunch they currently are to a mob of mumbling, manic accountants with a tendency to profanity and random violence. It happens every year at this time, just par for the course when you're working in a financial department.

So I'm looking at this weekend as my last stop before crazy town. I'm not sure what I'm going to do with it, and honestly I'll probably end up wasting it, but I personally think it's a valid life choice...

Aliens and freemasons...

... Did you know it's possible for women to become freemasons? Well it is, has been for almost 100 years. They have their own lodges of course (can't have the womenfolk and the menfolk cohorting now, can we), but they follow the same traditions and even call each other "him" and "he". And here I always thought it was only men who could join up! Damned secret freemasons, I wonder what else they've been keeping from us.

**********

Things at work are a bit depressing at the moment. Everywhere you look there are people walking around like they've just been diagnosed with cancer of the puppy (blatant buffyism). I'm guessing it's got something to do with all the "Expressions of Interest" invitations that got e-mailed around this morning.

Long story short, anyone who is temporarily employed has to reapply for their position. Which, of course, opens up the possibility that they won't get it. I'm sure the odds are better than they think, and they're only asking for internal aplicants so theoretically the positions versus people ratio should stay the same, but I can understand why they're all walking around with faces like a wet week.

I must admit I'm glad I'm a permanent. I wouldn't be a temp for quids.

**********

Apparently we had our own little UFO event here in Australia last night. Lots of people saw something green and glowing in the sky, something that later crashed in rural Queensland. Hmm, alien invasion, anyone?

Of course, the official story is that it was a meteorite, but then they have to say something like that, don't they. Wouldn't want to get everyone all up in arms about the little green men who crash landed in someone's sugar cane field. It's Area 51 all over again, people!

Next thing you know our little state will be famous for alien sightings. You'll be able to go visit the site, get your photo taken with "Ally the Alien", and buy the t-shirt to take home. Ah, the merchandising potential...

Owie...

... My foot hurts. It's my own damned fault, of course, but I'll be buggered if that'll stop me from whinging. I embrace my goddess given right to whinge like a ... well, a whinger, I suppose.
It was a stupid thing to do though. I know that. I was thinking that while I was jumping around my kitchen, left foot in one hand trying to remove the piece of glass, right foot tilted to the side trying to stop the flow of blood that was creeping ever closer to my kitchen lino. Ah, the things I do to amuse the neighbours.

Do you remember me telling you all the other day how Gypsy had smashed my glass bowl full of polished stones on the kitchen floor? I thought I got all the glass shards up that night, first with the broom and then with the vaccuum cleaner. Turns out my confidence was misplaced. It seems I got all the shards up, bar one. And that one somehow ended up stuck in my left big toe while I was making green thai curry for dinner.

Not that I felt it or anything. I guess I must be tougher than I thought. I just felt like I'd stepped on somthing and it was stuck TO my toe, rather than in it, so I did what I always do in those situations ... I rubbed it against my other foot to knock it off.

An excellent procedure if you've got rice or possibly a chick pea stuck to your toe, but not so successful when it's a piece of glass. This time I was left in no doubt about what was in there. And when I looked down, I could see the glass poking out of my toe, and the blood already dripping down the side of my other foot.

It was a rather hectic few minutes, while I jumped around trying to dislodge the glass, put something over the cut and stop the cat from attacking me (she thought we were playing a game), but eventually I got it all sorted out. The cuts were shallow, but they bled like buggers. But it wasn't long before even that was over and I could see what pathetically tiny cuts they really were. Honestly, if I'm going to go through something like that, I want some nice big gashes I can show off to people!

I suppose that'll teach me though. I need to sweep the floor better ... or perhaps wear shoes when I'm in the kitchen...

Very fishy...

... Well, in approximately two weeks I'll be turning twenty eleven. Hmm, I don't FEEL old, but it certainly sound like I am, doesn't it. Of course, when I say things like that in the office I just get laughed at. There's only one person here in my unit younger than me, so they just think I'm a drama queen.

Of course, I AM a drama queen, but that's hardly the point.

**********

I'm seriously contemplating buying a new siamese fighting fish for my desk at work. I know I haven't had the best of luck in the past with the little critters, but I thought it might be time to try again. C gave me an early birthday present, a small tank shaped like a fish, so I'm choosing to take that as a sign.

Of course my fellow minions ... I mean co-workers ... aren't so sure I should go down that path again. Here's the conversation we had when I told them what I was thinking of.

Me: You know, guys, I think I'll get another fighting fish.
L: Oh god, no!
Me: Why not?
SP: Come on, you've hardly got a sterling record when it comes to those thing.
Me: What do you mean? Snitchy S Snitchington lived for almost two years! That's a pretty good lifespan for a goldfish.
L: Yeah, but what about the next one? It lasted, what, two months?
SP: And the one after that was a couple of weeks, wasn't it?
Me: Well I hardly think that...
L: And the one after that was dead before the weekend, if I remember correctly.
Me: You can't blame me for that one, it must have been sick when I bought...
SP: And the deaths are always so dramatic.
L: Yeah, it's always hours, or even days, of that poor little fish lying on the bottom of the bowl, feebly waving a fin in the air and trying to catch the food granules as you throw them in there!
SP: It's like one of those Hallmark midday movies ... but with fish.
Me: Well I think you're both over reacting! I'm sure the fish will be fine, as long as I don't put it on the filing cabinet again. I think that was the problem last time, too much sun. Don't worry so much! It'll be great!
*Walks away*
L: Poor fishy.
SP: I know, it doesn't stand a chance.
Me: (from a distance) I heard that!

Judging books by their covers...

... Have you seen the latest cool little site for bloggers? It's blogtastic, it's blogarific, iIt's blognificent ... okay, okay, I'll stop! But still, if you're a blogger you're always looking for something new and interesting to do with your site, this could kill some time for you. We've all done the games, pictures, links, anything to amuse the readers. But when I found this, I realised I was thinking too small.

Why be satisfied with simply having puny earthling readers on this planet (no offence), when I can broadcast into space and potentially have millions of alien fans across millions of star systems? Oh yeah, that's the ticket! Alien readership! I'll have that invading army built up before I know it and take over as High Overlord (Overlady?) of all I pervay with my alien minions as the brawn ... oh, perhaps I've said too much...

**********

I wrote an entry a few days ago about a book I bought from an op shop, and in the notes SIL asked if she could read it. Well, I thought, at least it'll take care of my moral dilemma! I'll post it to her (which I'm going to do later this week, SIL), and she can do whatever she pleases with it. Karmic slate wiped clean!

But it got me to thinking about all the ... shall we say unusual ... books I have in my small "occult" section of the bookcase. I guess I must be drawn to the unusual ones or something. I think it's got something to do with their covers. I'm a big fan of judging books by their covers. Here are a few of the more interesting ones.

"Coming Back: The Science of Reincarnation": Based on the teachings of some Swami with an unpronouncable name and claiming to be "the most comprehensive and easy to understand explanation of reincarnation ever published". I don't know, the kid on the cover scares me too much for me to take to it. Evil looking kid!

"The Outer Space Connection": On the cover it claims that it contains "astonishing new proof that we are not alone in the universe". It also has one of those Neil Armstrongesque spacemen on the cover with reflections of pyramids in his visor. Either they're doing the whole Egyptians came from outer space ala Stargate, or the poor guy crash landed in Cairo.

"In Search of Myths and Monsters": Now I quite enjoyed this book, but I'll be honest I bought it strictly for the picture of the Loch Ness Monster on the cover. It's that famous one, the one where it looks like an elephant's trunk sticking out of the water. Well, according to the book that's actually a legitimate theory. Apparently travelling circuses used to let their elephants go into the Lock to swim around. Huh, there ya go!

"A Witches Book of Ghosts and Exorcism": Now I've got to say I really did love this book, and I highly recommend it to anyone. I loaned it to SIL, but I believe it scared the willies out of her. I didn't find it that scary though, just more interesting than most of this sort of stuff. It, to quote, is an "account of their work showing how they released spirits from their earthbound homes ...This unique book gives much practical instruction and advice on how to cope with a haunting, and includes a detailed description of a full rite of exorcism". I thought that the personal experience was very compelling reading, and the stories were a mix of serious, amusing and downright scary. But of course it was the cover that drew me in, a freaky looking gothic castle. Oh, and the title. Is that not THE BEST title for a book...

Feeling lazy...

... I should be going to the supermarket. I'm almost out of toilet paper, and I'll have to buy another box of washing powder if those sheets are going to get cleaned, but I'm just too damned lazy at the moment. I'm sitting here in my freezing fibro shack (it's not really freezing outside, but the shack tends to hold the temperature), all rugged up in my teddybear dressing gown and my stripey pink socks, trying to talk myself into having a shower and ... I don't know ... actually doing something CONSTRUCTIVE!

I could be mopping the floors, or doing the dishes that are currently sitting in the sink fermenting, but instead I'm seriously considering popping another DVD into the machine and watching an old 1950's film. I'm just feeling too apathetic to do anything of any value. I asked Gypsy if she'd push the vaccuum around the carpet for me, but she just meowed and started licking her tail. Primadonna.

Speaking of Gypsy, she had a fright the other night, and so did I. I was on the phone with KS when she (Gypsy, not KS) started to pull the tablecloth off the kitchen table. Not really a big issue, excpet for the fact that I keep a big glass bowl full of semi precious stones that my Opa polished for me on it. At least, I USED to keep a big glass bowl full of semi precious stones there. Now I have a plastic mixing bowl full of stones and a box full of glass shards. But on the positive side, it scared the bejezus out of Gypsy, so I don't think she'll be doing that again in a hurry.

KS thought it was hilarous though. Apparently the first thing out of my mouth after (from her perspective) the almighty crash was "Gypsy! Are you trying to get yourself killed!". She laughed for a good thirty seconds over that. Pretty ironic, huh, given that she talks in just the same way to her miniature pinscher.

Well, as the ever famous Rubeus Hagrid once said, people can be funny about their pets...

New library site...

... Have I told you guys that my work is currently renovating our building? I guess it's less of a renovation and more of a complete overhaul of the structure. They're doubling the floor space, adding an extra level, and creating a courtyard out the front with shop spaces lining either side. Shoud be nice when they're finished, which according to the powers that be will likely be in October.

At the moment we're all working out of an office space a couple of kilometres down the road, just waiting to move back in. We've all been here for about two years now, so it'll be quite the culture shock when we finally get to haul all our crap back to the old location.

Well, not exactly back for me. I've never actually worked at the old State Library site. Before they all came over and moved in here, I worked with another department doing their finances. But with the changes the powers that be decided it was time to combine those services, so I found myself with a different boss, a different team, and a different job description. Not that I'm complaining, I enjoy what I'm doing now. It was just all so ... different.

So, when we move back again in a few months it'll be the first time I've worked over there. I'm looking forward to it for the most part. It'll be nice to be closer to the city, we'll be so close that you can just walk across the bridge and into the mall, but I'll miss West End I think. I've worked here for 11 years now.

But one of the things I'm NOT looking forward to is potentially having to deal with some of the clients. Not that I'm in an area that usually has anything to do with the public, but if you're in that building I suppose it's only natural that you're going to have to interact with them as some point in time. And don't get me wrong, I don't have a problem with the library clients, at least not with the usual ones. It's the "special cases" I'm talking about, and anyone who's ever worked in a large public library before will know exactly what I'm talking about.

I suppose it's only to be expected. Libraries are public spaces. They're open to anyone and everyone. They've got comfy couches and things to read and do. They're undercover and are usually airconditioned in Summer and heated in Winter. It's understandable that you're going to get a lot of homeless, mentally ill or just plain wacky people coming in.

And if you can believe the stories of some of my fellow employees, they tend to come in droves. The library is situated next to a public park which, I'm guessing mostly due to the location of the library, was the home of one of the largest groups of transients in BrisVegas. They'd camp out in the park and the at opening time, they'd file into the library and stake out a spot. Then they'd stay there pretty much until closing time.

Not that anyone had any problem with this. In the library world, a client is a client. But quite often these people would be mentally ill too, and that always resulted in difficulties for the staff. TR tells us stories all the time about fighting with the other staff on duty to see who'd have to go over and wake up the guy at the video carousel with his hand down his pants.

Just this morning an ex-employee, C, who was in visiting told me a story about how some old homeless guy insisted on seeing her supervisor, and then told him that she was a member of ASIO and stopping him from gaining employment. Apparently she was one of many ASIO memebers throughout BrisVegas (including his postman, his busdriver and the woman behind the sandwich counter), all working together to stop him from getting a job.

C's response when her boss told her about it was, "But ... I'm a grandmother! I can't be an ASIO agent and a grandmother too!"...

The fortune cookie knows all...

Possible bomb at my old high school...

... We're all a bit scatty here at work today, not very focused or paying much attention to our jobs, so it's really no surprise that when the radio newsreader said something about Ferny Grove State High, my old high school, we were all over it like whites on rice. We didn't hear much, but it was enough to work out that the school had been evacuated this morning.

Of course, when given the choice between doing my legitimate work or searching the web for news stories about what happened, I made the only choice possible. I hit google like a five bob whore.

This is what I found. Interesting, isn't it! This guy's been building bombs in his house! I guess the whole evacuating the school thingamie was a precautionary act. I can understand that, he wouldn't have been the first school teacher to go postal (excuse the mixed metaphors) and try to blow 'em all to kingdomcome.

Then again, who HASN'T casually daydreamed about blowing up their highschool! Of course it's usually the kids enrolled who do, and they don't normally have the means of creating multiple explosive devices. And aren't we all glad they don't! Teen angst, hormones and bombs just don't mix. And don't forget kiddies, friends don't let friends blow up schools.

According to the article the guy's 40 years old, not really old enough to have been around when I was attending. In fact, the only teachers who could now be 40 and were teaching when I was at school were both maths teachers, and both rather cute. I'd have hated to think that either one of them might have been a terrorist.

But just to make sure, I skedaddled over to P's desk to ask if she knew any more than I did. Her kids go there now, so I thought she'd probably at least know a name. And she did! It wasn't one I recognised, so that answers that question. It was a bit trippy though, knowing that several of my ex-classmates now teach there. They probably know the guy, work with him, possibly socialise with him. I wonder if any of them had any idea of what was going on behind closed doors...

St Claire and St Isadore

... Dad called yesterday to let me know he's going to have to work on Mother's Day. Interesting development. Normally I'd expect to go over to their place for a barbeque or something to that effect (their choice, not mine), but if Dad's going to be out I'll probably ask Mum if she'd like to go to the movies.

I'm just not sure if there's anything on at the moment that would suit her tastes. She's pretty specific about what she likes in a movie. She slept through Harry Potter, ditto for Star Wars, so I guess that means Sci Fi and fantasy are out. She point blank refused to see Borne Supremacy, so that rules out action adventure too. I guess that leaves us with only one safe option. Romantic comedy.

I wonder if any are coming out this week.

**********

I had a funny little "incident" in a hippy drippy shop the other day. While I was happily browsing through the candles, crystals and other new age type stuff, I saw the woman behind the counter give me a smile. I knew what that smile meant, she'd seen my pentacle and it was the "pagan smile of silent solidarity".

Once I'd picked out the things I wanted I headed up to the counter and proceeded to pull my purse out. The woman started adding up how much I owed, chatting pleasantly about the usual salesperson stuff .ie. it's a pretty colour isn't it, you're going to love this one. But when I opened up my purse to grab my cash card, she just stopped and stared.

At first I couldn't work out what had surprised her so much, but then I realised she was looking at the two little cards I have in the photo section, two little cards with pictures of Saints on them. At first it looked like she was going to pasit off and not mention it, but eventually her curiosity got the better of her and she asked about them.

Salesperson: I couldn't help noticing, you've got pictures of Saints in your purse.
Me: Uh huh.
Salesperson: And you're wearing a pentacle.
Me: *smirking* Yep.
Salesperson: So ... why do you have them in their if you're obviously pagan?
Me: *gesturing* Well this is St Claire, the patron saint of television, and this is St Isadore, the patron saint of the internet. Seeing as TV and the internet are two of my favourite things, it's a little shout out to them.
Salesperson: Ohhhh!!! I get it. Hedging your bets, huh?
Me: Think of it as a tribute. Or maybe as superstition.

I suppose it is strange for me to keep pictures of saints in my purse. But what can I say. I'm a strange gal...

Stupid Kelstar...

... I was browsing through some second hand books the other day at an op shop when I came across something I just couldn't pass up. Not because I desperately wanted it or it was something I'd been keeping an eye out for. I'd never heard of it before. And not because it was valuable. It was just some ratty old paperback with a grotty cover. No, the reason I bought it and took it home was because I just COULDN'T leave it there for someone else to buy.

"Escape from Witchcraft", that was the title. Of course it caught my eye just from that, but once I'd read the blurb I was ... I guess you could say conflicted. Being a witch myself,I was both amused and horrified.

The story was pretty much an autobiography, published in the early seventies and detailing a girl's experiences with the occult. Biased of course, as all biographies are, but I admit it riled me up more than most. Here's a bit from the back page.

"Witchcraft is not a thing of the past. Satan is not dead. Young people by the thousands are probing seriously the mysteries of "The Other Side", from seances to satan worship ... most American high schools have their campus "witches and warlocks."

While the drug problem occupies community attention, another epidemic - far more insidious, far more elusive - is spreading among young people ... That is why this book had to be written."

I suppose it's ridiculous to be insulted by a book that was written before I was born, but I acted on instinct. I didn't want someone else to buy that book. To read it. So I bought it myself to take it out of circulation.

But afterwards when I got it home, I started to feel the twinges of my conscience. Sure I have the right to my beliefs. Sure I have the right to abhore what this stupid little book says. But do I have the right to think I can stop other people from reading it? Isn't that a bit like censorship?

I'd intended to throw the stupid thing away as soon as I got it home, but now it just feels wrong. A bit too much like book burning, if you know what I mean. But it leaves me in a strange situation. What to do with it? I could donate it to a charity, but that doesn't feel right either. Maybe I should just leave it somewhere, ala bookcrossing, and let the fates take their course.

I know that in the grand scheme of things my buying it isn't going to make any difference whatsoever, but that's not the point. It's the fact that I THOUGHT it would make a difference. As much as I hate to admit it, it's a difference I don't have any right to make.

Damn, I hate it when I'm being a better person...

What next, kibble for lunch?

... I think it might be time to go grocery shopping again.

Last night I found myself scrounging through the freezer, searching desperately for SOMETHING I could make a decent dinner out of. Oh sure, there were plenty of things I could make an indecent dinner with, but I was looking for something healther, something more nutritional, something ... boring.

In the end I decided to defrost some of the chicken wings I'd bought for Gypsy and marinade them in honey soy. They were delicious, but I hadn't anticipated the conversation I had today with R.

R: So, do anything interesting last night?
Me: Not much, just watched TV, surfed the net, had some of the cat's food for dinner...
R: WAAHHH??????????

Okay, so I can see that it came out completely wrong, but it's not like I opened up a tin of Whiskas and made a caserole from it! Those chicken wings were people food before I demoted them to cat food. By rights, I get to re-promote them if I choose...

Orb pictures...

... I was snapping a few photos in the fibro shack yesterday when I was delighted to see this little orb floating above Gypsy's head. Or mabye it was by the fridge. Do orbs get hungry?

If you look carefully you'll notice the late, lamented plant sitting on the kitchen bench. Poor thing, it really didn't stand a chance with me taking care of it. Do you think that the orb might be the spirit of that dead zygocactus (yes, I killed a succulent, no need to rub it in).

The funny thing is, I've NEVER caught an orb on a photo taken here before. I've got orbs galore from different ghost hunts I've been on, but never from my place. It's always been rather dead around here, hauntingly speaking (excuse the pun).

I checked the camera to make sure it wasn't dust, and snapped a few more, but this is the only one of the kitchen that had anything in it. But then I took a few in the loungeroom and one of them turned out like this.

Again, the only one with anything in it, and all of them taken in quick succession. Interesting, no?

So, what do you think? Did I have a visitor yesterday?

Clowning around...

... Good morming, my chickadees! Isn't it a lovely Saturday morning? Sun's bright, temperature's cool, and I don't have a single blessed thing to do today. Couldn't have asked to a better day if I'd ordered it from Amazon..com.

Last night was fun, my first play of the year. I could hardly believe it when I realised. Normally I'd have seen three or four plays by this time, but for some reason most of the plays I'm booked in to judge are happening later in the year. I guess that's what happens when you decide to split an annual pass and the plays you choose are towards the end of the season.

The play was great though, something called "The Clown from Snowy River". I've seen them do a few other things, including "Frocking Fantastic" which was like Absolutely Fabulous meets Kath and Kim, and "Titanic - A Comedy" which was the most hilarious rendition of the death of Rose and Jack I've ever seen. And that includes the animated bunny version (check out some of their other animated bunny stuff, it's hilarious).

I'd recommend any of you within the BrisVegas area go check it out, but tonight is it's last performance, and if last night's showing was anything to go by, it's probably sold out. The entire theatre was packed full and they all loved the show as much as we did. The entire place was rocking with laughter.

It wasn't a very long performance, only an hour, but it was hilarious! The history of Australia as told by six clowns in one hour. They did Waltzing Matilda, The Man From Snowy River, the arrival of Captain Cook, Burke and Wills, and Cathy Freeman winning gold at the Olympics. That last one they managed to turn into a disco dance scene. I'm not sure how, but it was great. We were laughing so hard that our cheeks hurt an hour after the show.

But if any of you ARE going tonight, just a word to the wise. Don't sit in the front row ... unless you want to have your handbag tipped out onto the floor and be picked up like a bag of meal and used as a prop. Lets just say we were glad we chose seats about half way up...

I always knew I was gifted...

... Who's a lucky girl? Kelstar's a lucky girl! Oh yeah, and she knows it!

When I got home this afternoon I found box on my front doorstep. Got to say, it came as a bit of a surprise seeing as the postman usually just leaves a slip in my letterbox when I've got a parcel, but I wasn't complaining. I could see from the writing that it was from SIL and that could mean only one thing.

BIRTHDAY PRESENT!!!

Okay, so my birthday isn't for a few weeks yet, but I was thrilled to see my very first b'day present of the year had arrived. The moment I opened it though I could tell that this time SIL sent it, instead of Doofus who sent me my present last year.

Ooh, pretty present! Thanks Doofus and SIL, lets just hope I manage to wait until my b'day to open it!

And how could I tell this simply from the parcel, you might ask? Ah, you'll be amazed by my deductive reasoning and my observational skills.

You see, last year when I opened the box I found the gift in there, just rolling around of it's own accord, no wrapping or padding or anything else, I knew immediately that Doofus had been responsible for sending it.. This year it's immaculately wrapped, complete with padding, birthday card, and gold ribbon. Without a doubt, the work of SIL.

I think I missed my calling, obviously I should have been a detective...

Thank you, may I have another...

... I've heard of workplace bullying, but this is ridiculous!

Jury gets case of woman spanked in supposed team-building exercise

FRESNO, Calif. Being in sales is tough when you're spanked by the competition, but it's worse when you get spanked, literally, by your fellow employees.

So says Janet Orlando, who sued her firm for more than a (m) million dollars.
A jury in Fresno, California, has begun deliberating the case.

Orlando left home security company Alarm One after she was spanked with a rival company's yard sign in front of co-workers on several occasions. The company says its morning sales meetings promoted bonding and motivation. In her lawsuit, Orlando alleges assault, battery and emotional distress.

Court documents say the meetings included contests between teams, and included the spankings and _ in some locations _ throwing pies at the losers and making them wear diapers.

I mean, my office has done some pretty stupid things from time to time in the name of teambuilding and organisational development, but even they've never stooped that low! After all, the union would be all over them like flies on doggie doo.

Can you believe that there's any company out there that thought they could do that and NOT get sued? They should be found guilty on account of sheer stupidity...

I'm in the library's most wanted...

... Is there a statute of limitations on library fines? You know, like a ten year limit or something where your name is cleared and you can start borrowing again with a clean slate? Cause if there is, I'd like to know when I'll be absolved.

You see, I have a past. Oh yes, I'm sure there's an 8x10 of me stuck up on the "Do Not Loan To..." pinboard of every local library in town. I'm a wanted woman, a renegade. From a library perspective, I'm Billy the Kid.

I never intended to keep those damned books! Honestly! It's just that I'd borrowed a couple of textbooks for my course and then I'd moved house and, somehow, they'd ended up at the bottom of a packing box that I didn't bother opening. So they sat at the bottom of the box in the cupboard, and I ended up with a black mark on my good library borrowing name.

I know what you're thinking, that's not exactly a big thing, but you've got to understand that I'm a professional when it comes to avoiding things I don't want to deal with. They sent a letter, I ignored it. They sent another, I ignored it. They sent a velied threat, I pretended I couldn't speak english.

Then it came, a letter from a law firm, laced with legalese and threatening all dire consequences, both possible and impossible, as a result of my absconding with the aforementioned books. Now I'm pretty good at that whole avoidance thing, but even I couldn't ignore this one. I think panic is the accurate description of my reaction. Action was required.

But did I turn up to the library and 'fess up? Oh no, I was still in the whole avoidance frame of mind. I think it was 2am that I pulled up in the parking lot of the library and slipped those thrice damned books into their after hours shute, then drove my guilty little behind home to pray to whatever god would listen that I never heard from the library again.

And I didn't, not once in the past ten years, but I'm not so naive as to think they've forgiven me. Oh no, hell hath no fury like a librarian scorned. I should know, I work with enough of them. So I'm sure I'm still on their "list". Of course, I'm assuming that they have a list, but I'm hardly about to test the theory by going in and trying to open up a new account.

The funny thing is my current job involves charging almost all the libraries in Queensland for books they haven't returned. Ironic, huh...

I've got a golden ticket...

... Did I tell you guys about the competition website that my mother signed up for a few months ago? Not a bad little site, really just a forum where the members all post the URLs of competitions so that everyone can enter them. You wouldn't think that there were that many out there, but it seems like anywhere up to thirty new comps get listed every day!

I've been entering as many as I can manage. Not as many as some of those people though, the ones who do it as a full time job. There's one guy on there who's user name is LuckyPhil and his name comes up in the winners list every couple of days. Holidays, cash prizes, electronics, you name it and he's winning it. I can only assume he sits on the computer all day long and enters the comps over and over again.

I don't have the time to do that, so I suppose I can't expect to win like LuckyPhil does, but I did manage to get something that came in the mail last night. Two tickets to the Dockside Comedy Club! Not bad, hey? It says that they're worth $25 each, so that's not too dusty!

Today comedy club tickets, tomorrow trips around the world. Now I'm just waiting for the prizes to start rolling in.

************

I was in fits of laughter when I got this in an e-mail the other day. You've got to give the guy credit, it's an original approach to convincing your girlfriend to have a threesome. I can't help wondering though if she actually agreed to it. She must have been pretty sure he wouldn't get the hit count, more fool her.

But he only had to get two million, and I think the counter is up around the thirty million mark now. It doesn't surprise me, someone told me the other day that they'd read an article about it.

With that sort of advertising, she didn't stand a chance...

Levitation nation...

... Did you know that it's possible to not only pick up a remote control with your toes, but if you're feeling particularly lazy you can change chanels with them too? That was a little lesson I learnt last night while I was watcing TV and I just couldn't muster up the energy or enthusiasm to sit up, pick up the remote, and press the button.

That's a bit of free advice.

**********

But to be completely fair (and to lessen the impression you've no doubt go of me) I have an excuse. I was wrapped up in a coocoon like doona, and I did have a cat lying on my arm ... well I never claimed it was MUCH of an excuse!

But it got me thinking, in that off beat random association kind of way, about what sort of super power I'd like to have if given the choice. I know most people say they'd like super strength, or X-ray vision, or the power to fly, but I've decided there's something much more useful.

Telekenesis!

How many times have you been sitting there as I was last night, incapacitated in some way, and wished you had the power to move things with your mind? I know I do all the time. The coffee cup's just a little bit out of reach? The hair clip's slipped down behind the cabinet? Think of the convenience!

Not to mention the possibilities! It'd be like having a whole host of super powers, not just one. Want to fly? No problem, just levitate yourself! Need super strength? Augument your man power with your mind power! And think of what a great party trick it'd be...